28 Jan 12, 1:45 AM
Elohims_jay
UK(B), 7 yrs
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Belasarius wrote:
You can just say "stop". Or "no".
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You can say absolutely anything as a "safe word" ... However the reason many stay away from words such as stop, no, don't, etc is that for many such verbal resistance is part of their reactions and submission. Or when a session is starting to reach limits and boundaries and push them and the sub reacts subconsciously or instinctively with stop or no but it is actually the last thing they want to happen.
"You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough." ~ George Moore
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28 Jan 12, 2:14 AM
Belasarius
UK(M), 8 yrs
  
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Elohims_jay wrote:
Belasarius wrote:
You can just say "stop". Or "no".
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You can say absolutely anything as a "safe word" ... However the reason many stay away from words such as stop, no, don't, etc is that for many such verbal resistance is part of their reactions and submission. Or when a session is starting to reach limits and boundaries and push them and the sub reacts subconsciously or instinctively with stop or no but it is actually the last thing they want to happen.
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Yes, I understand this. For me, that would not be real. She'd be pleading, knowing that I wouldn't react unless she used a special word. So the pleading would not be real.
If she asks me to stop I shall. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99
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28 Jan 12, 2:18 AM
Tanos
UK(M), 14 yrs
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dougie159 wrote:
Was totally helpless, Mistress really laying in and enjoying herself (bloody Sadists) and realised there was sod all i could do to stop her. She just kept going despite my pleading and begging for a break. If we (still) 'played' with a safe word, i may, just may, have used it. BUT, was glad i did not have one, if that makes sense.
So, over to you lot. What do ya think? How much more real (and satisfying later) is NOT having a way out, a safe word.
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Yes, the sub not having a veto creates a different type of scene which many people find extremely satisfying 
:T:
www.tanos.org.uk
www.bridgewood.org.uk
The Warehouse: pony play etc, Sat 7 Apr 2012, Exodus, Birmingham
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28 Jan 12, 7:39 AM
thirsty_succubus
UK(PO), 8 mths
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Stop or no!! If at stopped every time I got to that stage I'd be left very unsatisfied. The power is in the presence and knowing.
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28 Jan 12, 7:56 AM
MissAnnThropist
UK(SE), 3 yrs
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I've got a special safe word that sits completely outside the remit of whether safewords in kink kills the mood or scene. It is there as a backup in the awful event that I start getting an epileptic warning sign (aura). My word is "fit".
It sounds nothing like stop, slow down or no, and is the equivalent of RED and specifically means STOP EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW! Never had to use it... yet... fortunately, but I have had seizures at very inappropriate times before now (like immediately after sex  ).
It also means I can say "Fit" in nilla circumstances to to alert someone I've got a fit kicking in as I usually only have 30-90s warning of a seizure.
Works for me.
Sorry if this seems a little off-topic, buut just saying safe words do have some other merits. I want to hold you close / Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes, girl / So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close / Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear / I want to f*cking tear you apart
Edited 28 Jan 12, 7:57 AM by MissAnnThropist
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28 Jan 12, 7:59 AM
Monkey_Wench
UK(B), 20 mths
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Intelligencia wrote:
Elohims_jay wrote:
And guess what ? .... I had to "safe word" on him
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Damn good point, bloody well made
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Agreed, thank you @Elohims_jay.
That has made me rethink my whole attitude to safewords. "Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost." — Milan Kundera
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28 Jan 12, 8:20 AM
Morgan_Sinjen
UK, 8 mths
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Capturemymind wrote:
Thanks Elohims_jay for this example.
I never had or fully understood the need for a safe word within a relationship until I read your post.....I do now and will make sure I have one in future.
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I must disagree.
Elohims_jay wrote:
I was in no way capable of vocalising "Excuse me but something has gone wrong and we need to stop" .... It was only me managing to barely gasp out "red" that brought the session to an immediate end. |
The way this is described indicates that the word was not screamed out loudly but would have been at quite a low volume. I have noticed that when people do go into subspace its quite common for vocalisation to suffer.
I'd say that Elohim_jay was just very lucky, such a small and soft word could have easily been missed. However, I know that they have been together for a long time and I suggest their empathy had a lot to do with him hearing or just realising something was wrong.
As a general concept it always makes sense for people to be able to indicate when things have gone far enough, or some injury has occurred, but it needs to be remembered that there will be many situations when it is not possible to use it.
For example, as I mentioned above, a person in subspace is usually unable to vocalise, or even recognise what is happening.
How does someone who is gagged use a word?
I never offer someone a safeword, but if I hear the word stop or enough, then I do stop. If someone I play with for the first time says to me my safeword is "ducks eggs", I agree to try and remember, and I mean it, but I also tell them that stop is more likely to be recognised.
But at the end of the day, "play" is something that two people agree to, and whatever way you do it, the real responsibility, in my eyes, should rest with the Dominant not to go too far with the submissive. |
28 Jan 12, 8:34 AM
Belasarius
UK(M), 8 yrs
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Elohims_jay wrote:
Himself and I have been together not far off 10 years
We live together and have a 24/7 D/s relationship
He knows my body, mind, reactions inside out and upside down to the minutest detail
And guess what ? .... I had to "safe word" on him
It was nothing more than a jerking twist of body in reaction to a single tail strike causing a restraint to move a tiny bit and "doing something" to my wrist that sent an excruciating sharp pain down arm to my shoulder to the point I could barely breath.
He had absolutely no way of knowing this .... my "reaction" was identical to how I would react to the "planned pain" he was inflicting .... it was in the exact same spot as the strike just given ... and given the state of "sub space" I had hit I was in no way capable of vocalising "Excuse me but something has gone wrong and we need to stop" .... It was only me managing to barely gasp out "red" that brought the session to an immediate end.
While I fully understand the dynamic of "no safe word" interactions I still personally believe you need something in place for such happenings. By knowing that it is something that is only to be used in such an emergency may help in it not being a "safe word" you can use just because you want it to stop (aka limits being exceeded)
Safe words may be overrated or over relied on ... they may be redundant in long term relationships .... they may be deemed to be obsolete ... but they are vital for one small reason .. you can NEVER plan for every single eventuality in a session and there has to be a way for the one not in control to end the session in an emergency.
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My girl would just have said stop. She has done: And I would. Why is anything else required?
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99
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28 Jan 12, 8:40 AM
Belasarius
UK(M), 8 yrs
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thirsty_succubus wrote:
Stop or no!! If at stopped every time I got to that stage I'd be left very unsatisfied.
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I understand that some like to use those words and not mean them. And that's fine.
I prefer to see the struggle in her face not to utter them. And to
Feel the pride in her, afterwards, when she knows she's been the best she can be, for me.
I know, for some, the ability to beg and plead is important and that it feels real and true to them. It doesn't feel that way to me.
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99
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28 Jan 12, 8:45 AM
Belasarius
UK(M), 8 yrs
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Morgan_Sinjen wrote:
Capturemymind wrote:
Thanks Elohims_jay for this example.
I never had or fully understood the need for a safe word within a relationship until I read your post.....I do now and will make sure I have one in future.
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I must disagree.
Elohims_jay wrote:
I was in no way capable of vocalising "Excuse me but something has gone wrong and we need to stop" .... It was only me managing to barely gasp out "red" that brought the session to an immediate end. |
The way this is described indicates that the word was not screamed out loudly but would have been at quite a low volume. I have noticed that when people do go into subspace its quite common for vocalisation to suffer.
I'd say that Elohim_jay was just very lucky, such a small and soft word could have easily been missed. However, I know that they have been together for a long time and I suggest their empathy had a lot to do with him hearing or just realising something was wrong.
As a general concept it always makes sense for people to be able to indicate when things have gone far enough, or some injury has occurred, but it needs to be remembered that there will be many situations when it is not possible to use it.
For example, as I mentioned above, a person in subspace is usually unable to vocalise, or even recognise what is happening.
How does someone who is gagged use a word?
I never offer someone a safeword, but if I hear the word stop or enough, then I do stop. If someone I play with for the first time says to me my safeword is "ducks eggs", I agree to try and remember, and I mean it, but I also tell them that stop is more likely to be recognised.
But at the end of the day, "play" is something that two people agree to, and whatever way you do it, the real responsibility, in my eyes, should rest with the Dominant not to go too far with the submissive.
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I think this is a very wise post. I'd go slightly further. Taking responsibility for using her safely is part if the satisfaction for me. I'd feel a profound sense of failure if she safeworded or said stop.
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99
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