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| 27 Jan 12, 9:59 PM Felixthecat  UK(CM), 23 mths   |
A Safe word is very much a double edged sword. Some say its never safe to play without one, but then it can become a pissing contest between Dom and Sub as to who will push the furthest without it being said, neither wanting to give in. If you don't have one, there is the thrill to see how far things go. But i know of at least one person who is likely never to want to play again because there was no safe word and things went way to far. Also some people will use the "no safe word" head game as an excuse to play really nasty even if they their pretty sure the other party would never consent to it. its really what your happy with as long as your making an educated and informed decision.
personally i prefer a safe word as i can be a vicious bugger some times and if im really getting in the grove i do get a bit carried away Im Dyslexic so the spelling police can feel free to go and bugger themselves silly with the the spiky end of a pineapple | |
| 27 Jan 12, 11:27 PM tasha2211 UK(M), 3 yrs |
I have been with my Master for three and a half years and have never had, nor needed a safe word. Sir knows exactly how far to push my limits and I trust him completely. However we have started to talk about me having a safe word, but not for our D/s activity though. I have developed some physical limitations that require surgery and in the mean time, to stop us both worrying about hurting me (in the wrong way of course) during play we are considering me having a safe word. Sir has been very careful not to hurt me that way and I worry that he is limiting play to avoid causing me the wrong type of pain which is why we are discussing the safe word. My advice is comunication and trust is the key, and if you, as the sub, think you need one, then you do. | |
| 27 Jan 12, 11:38 PM Captain_Sensible UK(WV), 20 mths |
A safe word is like an emergency stop-rarely needed but its knowledge is essential. Each a glimpse and gone forever. | |
| 27 Jan 12, 11:40 PM rachhh UK, 6 mths |
I can completely understand why some subs do not wish to use the safeword. I do think it is very important to have a very clear safeword though, regardless if you ever need to use it. I have not been with my partner all that long, and I admit, I do not like using it, but it is needed as we are a new couple. In this instance I do believe the standard traffic light system is perfect, so I can let him know when he is starting to push me, so it is not a total killer if i do have to stop play. I completely agree that with time, there would be no need for the safeword use, but it should still be there if needed. | |
| 28 Jan 12, 12:08 AM Malbon UK(LS), 8 yrs |
Here's what it is. a) The notion of a safeword is a crude hangover from the early days of BDSM. To use a safeword is like saying - you put me in a place where I wasn't safe, and you weren't with me, and I had to use some fucking Secret Squirrel special signal to alert you to that fact. You selfish, insensitive fucktard, I'm no longer sure we're as compatible as I thought at first. The communication, and the consent, broke down, I was alone and distressed and you did not see that. To safeword is to say, this is broken, or maybe it never was that good to begin with. It's a failure, one or both of you wasn't paying attention, or maybe you are just too dumb to really do BDSM successfully. b) Safewords came from people's practice and experience of what happened in real life. People may appreciate the need for intense focus and concentration on what they are doing with another human being, but they aren't perfect. People make mistakes sometimes. It's ok to say - I'm not ok here, and to say it so there's no mistake, there's a special word, and you don't use it lightly, but if you say it you are GUARANTEED that whatever it is will stop in the next heartbeat. And that's a good thing to have. NB Guess which take is mine? 'Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?' - Harry M. Warner, 1927 | |
| 28 Jan 12, 12:52 AM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs      |
Hear, bloody hear! http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/294202/
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) Edited 28 Jan 12, 12:58 AM by Belasarius | |
| 28 Jan 12, 1:05 AM Dommy_nick UK(WS), 6 yrs |
Point B. Well said, that man! Dommy_nick Licence to perve! | |
| 28 Jan 12, 1:36 AM misteri 8 mths |
Safewords are so emotive. Some subs never want to use it because they feel like they've failed in some way if they do; some Dom(me)s don't want to hear it because they feel they've made a misjudgement if they do...... But people change; what was fine 10 seconds ago suddenly sparks off a reaction that is too intense, or, as is often my case, a chain of thought that is too difficult to allow that particular play to continue. Its not always physical pain that causes a safe word to be used, sometimes its sparks an emotional reaction or evokes a memory that opens a Pandora's box of that person's baggage. No Dom(me) can read their sub's mind, they can't possibly know about the chain reaction that has happened unless they are told. It doesn't have to be a special word, it can be a look or a movement that is unusual, something that alerts the other person that something is wrong, but it has to be communicated somehow.
But thats just my opinion mis
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| 28 Jan 12, 1:39 AM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs |
You can just say "stop". Or "no".
My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |
| 28 Jan 12, 1:44 AM misteri 8 mths |
Which is what i said......... doesn't have to be a special word, just has to be a way to communicate it  |
