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| Fri 27 Jan 12, 8:17 PM dougie159  UK(KA), 7 yrs     |
If you know each other, have been 'playing' (how the hell did it get that title) for many many months, then should the sub have a safe word? Question brought on by one hell of a 'bruising' (very very literally) session yesterday. Was totally helpless, Mistress really laying in and enjoying herself (bloody Sadists) and realised there was sod all i could do to stop her. She just kept going despite my pleading and begging for a break. If we (still) 'played' with a safe word, i may, just may, have used it. BUT, was glad i did not have one, if that makes sense. So, over to you lot. What do ya think? How much more real (and satisfying later) is NOT having a way out, a safe word. dougie (Got the pics to prove the point) Don't knock down fences until you know why they were put up. | |
| 27 Jan 12, 8:31 PM Intelligencia UK(GU), 5 yrs |
In my experience realtionships can evolve beyond a safeword (consensually) where the D understands exactly what they are doing, how far they are pushing, what the s is experiencing - and the lack of a 'safeword' heightens that dynamic - as you, possibly, experienced. Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. Buddha | |
| 27 Jan 12, 8:32 PM viragoangel UK(FY), 5 yrs |
The answer is something only two individuals within a specific relationship can determine. I personally have NEVER had a safeword. We've been together over 4 years now. I wouldn't use it if i had one to be honest. Had a previous Dom who insisted i had one and his goal was to make me safeword. If i got bored(frequently) i'd use it. He twigged, so started to ignore it...ergo no point having one. If i used a safeword i'd feel like i'd failed Sir because of the nature of "us". Not much of an answer frankly but i can empathise with how you felt during and afterwards. jules.xx
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| 27 Jan 12, 8:45 PM KinkyRoly UK(OX), 3 yrs |
If you've been in a relationship for some time, I would hope that you started off with a safe word, but that it has fallen into disuse. The top ought to be able to properly judge the situation. The way I see it is that you still HAVE that safe word, but hopefully you won't ever NEED it. | |
| 27 Jan 12, 8:46 PM Elohims_jay UK(B), 7 yrs |
Himself and I have been together not far off 10 years We live together and have a 24/7 D/s relationship He knows my body, mind, reactions inside out and upside down to the minutest detail And guess what ? .... I had to "safe word" on him It was nothing more than a jerking twist of body in reaction to a single tail strike causing a restraint to move a tiny bit and "doing something" to my wrist that sent an excruciating sharp pain down arm to my shoulder to the point I could barely breath. He had absolutely no way of knowing this .... my "reaction" was identical to how I would react to the "planned pain" he was inflicting .... it was in the exact same spot as the strike just given ... and given the state of "sub space" I had hit I was in no way capable of vocalising "Excuse me but something has gone wrong and we need to stop" .... It was only me managing to barely gasp out "red" that brought the session to an immediate end. While I fully understand the dynamic of "no safe word" interactions I still personally believe you need something in place for such happenings. By knowing that it is something that is only to be used in such an emergency may help in it not being a "safe word" you can use just because you want it to stop (aka limits being exceeded) Safe words may be overrated or over relied on ... they may be redundant in long term relationships .... they may be deemed to be obsolete ... but they are vital for one small reason .. you can NEVER plan for every single eventuality in a session and there has to be a way for the one not in control to end the session in an emergency. "You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough." ~ George Moore | |
| 27 Jan 12, 9:24 PM StellaMaris UK, 13 mths    |
"The true test is not whether a man behaves like a gentleman, but whether he misbehaves like one." ~ Sydney Tremayne | |
| 27 Jan 12, 9:24 PM Capturemymind UK(PE), 6 mths |
Thanks Elohims_jay for this example. I never had or fully understood the need for a safe word within a relationship until I read your post.....I do now and will make sure I have one in future. | |
| 27 Jan 12, 9:30 PM Intelligencia UK(GU), 5 yrs |
Damn good point, bloody well made
Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. Buddha | |
| 27 Jan 12, 9:30 PM Intelligencia UK(GU), 5 yrs |
Damn good point, bloody well made
Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. Buddha | |
| 27 Jan 12, 9:36 PM MisstressvsSolicedog UK(NN), 17 mths |
Dougie Dougie Dougie,,, i told yer the best safe word or word's to use with your lady did i not,, 'Have yer started !!' Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish | |
| 27 Jan 12, 9:43 PM Ponyboy_uk UK(NN), 17 mths |
I always had a safe word. Then recently I played with someone without. I was tied up and she laid into me with a dressage whip. I would have safeworded but I couldn't. I was dancing about on the end of the reins in pain. I would have said 'safe word' but was gagged pretty effectively. As it happened it really hurt and I hated her. A few seconds after I felt amazing, so submissive and I felt something extra special for her. I guess she took me somewhere I'd never been before and I loved it. I do see the danger but maybe that's part of the appeal, to totally give yourself to someone is exciting and makes for an extra special connection and bond. Edited 27 Jan 12, 9:47 PM by Ponyboy_uk |
