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Tags: Coventry (CV)
I seem to forget about IC when I write stuff lately. So am combining a couple of posts I made over on Fetlife into one blog post
#Fighting...
I'm always fighting myself it seems.
Today it was me fighting my body and fatigue and pain.
One way I fight this is sugar and caffiene. Which has a side effect of making me hyper and maybe a bit more unpredictable than I usually am.
It is sadly about the only way I can manage to feel with it enough often to manage a night or day out at an event. And sometimes it is just plain unavoidable unless I sit and drink water at a munch, which I wouldn't do as it tastes too bland for me.
Sometimes this can I suspect make me hard to deal with, or perhaps unsettling to be around.
Until such time as I find a better way to cope with a night out it will continue to be a fight.
Without getting hyper on sugar I'd not go out to events I suspect, just can't manage it.
There is obviously a downside to this - other than the hyperness and so on - in that it takes time to wear off, so sleep is obviously made difficult and I feel even worse for the next few days or weeks afterwards as it uses so much energy up going out.
Last year in October I didn't listen to my body and just kept going out when I should of rested. I've learnt from that I think.
What my body is telling me is it needs a rest. So February will be a rest month.
I'm planning to goto 3 events before February and then nothing in February.
So after Heathens I won't be around until sometime in March.
Hopefully it will give me some time to rest and recharge and also a bit of time to think on a few things and start to get my head straight as I also see for first time a new psychiatrist in february, so things might be messy in my head for most of the month potentially depending upon how that goes.
I'm hoping the Gabapentin will start to help with the near constant pain and that the Pain Clinic referral will lead to positive help with dealing with pain generally as the codiene and Naproxen just don't work that great, given the side effects, but it is atm either those or nothing.
#Struggling...
For the last several weeks I've been barely coping to keep it all together it feels like.
My heads a mess and my body is worse.
Presently I seem unable to keep a sleep pattern, at least one that is on GMT that is.
Am feeling kinda glad I've decided on a few things recently.
1) no events in Feb, no exceptions. I will find my will to do it waver I'm sure, but I will stick to it, I have to. 2) from march onwards less events. Likelyhood is I might make one munch and the BBB and take other events as I feel well enough.
The amount of pain i've been having lately is making it difficult to manage to do even the most simple of things at present. My GP wants to see me to discuss something else before referring me to a pain clinic.
My mental state isn't any better either. 1st Feb can't come soon enough in that respect.
Most days I'm at my wits end lately.
I'm looking forward to the Coventry Play Party and Heathens, but I am suspecting both will be a bit of a struggle and I have to realise myself that I may not be at my best at either. But hopefully I'll still manage to find a way to enjoy the evenings.
So yeah, at present life is feeling a big struggle.
Edited Mon 23 Jan 12, 1:13 PM by bionicgeekgrrl
