Posted by Perplexion on Fri 20 Jan 12, 12:47 PM to Perplexion's blog.
It only takes a few seconds for something to destroy a mind and a life and when luck allows enough of the two to survive it takes years to rebuild what was lost. In my case, two years, some of which has been blessed by laughter and passion as much as tears and rage. Those are the elements that drove me forward, the negative stuff has to be endured in order to leave it where it belongs, in the past.
Everything changes us and so in the midst of some introspection I have reconfigured who and where I am now. Unfortunately, because of what happened my profile changes name regularly so you may not even recognise this writer as the one who blogged two months ago, six months ago, twelve or twenty four ..... Prior to that I was 'the gobby blonde' (attributed to Delphian, 1997).
Mountaineers are quoted as saying they will climb a mountain 'because it is there'. I once climbed the Cairngorms to keep a boyfriend company. He set off following the uber-trail while I was directed to wander slowly along an uphill path. To my 21 year old mind either options were unnecessarily labourious. His route required considered clothing, footwear and skill, my designated trek had a nun wandering along. I chose the shortage distance, scrambling up a sheer point that Wainwright et al had ignored but seemed to me as the most practical and less tedious option. I have done life in a similar fashion.
So, today I sit here musing on the obstacles I've been told I have in my way. They have more or less been circumnavigated and I am forging along my own trail. This trait of mine is sometimes folly and oft times unfeminine. It certainly does not suggest 'submission'. Therein lies the difficulty. By the time we reach our late 40s we are the products of a hell of a lot of previous 'stuff' and to fit neatly like a jigsaw piece to someone else just aint going to happen. Add D/s preferences and you've got a whole lot of other complications.
'Gutsy, strong willed eccentric little girl of high intelligence seeks self-assured dominant male who knows when and how to take her in charge without annoying the shit out of her.'
It's not terribly seductive, is it? Add to that an intolerance of arrogance, posturing, insecurity, intolerance (!!) ..... but .... when someone does manage to hold your mind steady enough to connect and reach through the effluence that would otherwise bar his way, you have to stop a minute and consider: This Could Be The One.
I have thus come to consider what I need because he appears to hold the answer. Part of those 'desires' are the maternal instinct to fellow-nurture, so anyone thinking this is just another 'I want' blog, fear not.
Anyhoo, that's enough r/l personal stuff for now. Thanks for reading and a massive thanks to those who've been with me through the last couple of years, you will always be cherished for whatever kindness you gave. I navigated that mountain, left the dynamite and blew it to smithereens. Now for some pleasure. And passion.
Typing errors allowed to stay as it illustrates the honesty with which this unusually unguarded blog was written. Apologies to Belasarius. 'Shortage' = Shorter.
Edited Fri 20 Jan 12, 2:31 PM by Perplexion
| 20 Jan 12, 12:53 PM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs        |
It sounds lovely and well deserved. Enjoy.  xxx@Play_Space - Next party is Friday, February 3, 2012 and the first Friday of every month! | |
| 20 Jan 12, 1:48 PM carenza_lionheart UK(NN), 24 mths  |
Permission to steal this please: "'Gutsy, strong willed eccentric little girl of high intelligence seeks self-assured dominant male who knows when and how to take her in charge without annoying the shit out of her.'" The one who claims to be innocent - who wants to test the claim? | |
| 20 Jan 12, 2:07 PM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
Agree that is a great bit! There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me | |
| 20 Jan 12, 2:13 PM Perplexion 13 mths |
Hah hah, plagurise away, Ladies. x | |
| 20 Jan 12, 3:12 PM wonderer UK, 5 yrs  |
Well - I don't know all the back story, and the blog is somewhat opaque and I can't read accurately between the lines, so little chance of hitting the spot ... but I think you're a survivor and more; you'll find ways to flourish and grow. Hope so, and think so. And yes, by the time we reach a certain age, we're the products of a whole range of stuff which has happened to us over the years, a complex story, the stuff we've done and the stuff that's been done to us; the good, the bad and the ugly; and we can never be summed up in simple categories. And I think that makes us all the more interesting. And challenging. But also intriguing and attractive. because we've grown in all sorts of unexpected ways because of our life experience. You never quite know someone else; always more to discover and be surprised by. Hope you navigate well to whatever the next chapter is, perhaps clambering up more precipitous cliffs rather than taking the easy path,and I hope the next destination turns out to be rich and fulfilling and rewarding and fun. "Wisdom begins in wonder” (Socrates) | |
| 20 Jan 12, 10:17 PM sub_65 UK(DE), 7 mths |
X Tomorrow you may wish for today. | |
| 21 Jan 12, 1:33 AM Pinderella UK, 2 yrs |
Xx
Edited to say: Well there's not a 'Like' button is there?? Edited 21 Jan 12, 1:35 AM by Pinderella | |
| 21 Jan 12, 3:56 AM angellover UK(CM), 3 yrs |
Thank you so much for such a lovely open blog. I wish you well and reading it makes me think you have grown and moved on, servived it all and looking to carry on walking forward. Enjoy, stay safe. The highest fences we have to climb, are those we have built within our mind | |
| 22 Jan 12, 11:55 PM KinkyKumbrian UK(CA), 3 yrs |
A lovely story, Perplexion, I have been through some inner turmoil in recent months- I went full on into a vanilla relationship last June, nearly moved across to North Shields with this partner, but deep down knew I wasn't happy as the relationship was too vanilla and we split a few weeks ago. It was the wrong route, but it happens to all of us and at least I can move on now. |
