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Consensual Non Consent - what do you get from it? (34)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

23 Jan 12, 10:05 AM
nastybstd
UK(LU), 6 yrs

I can sum the answer up in a single word.

Reality.

Once you're into this realm the role play stops, for both dom and sub. What happens now is real. Power has been removed from the sub totally. The sub is now truly at the mercy of the dom. There is no greater reality than removing the bullshit and pretence.

For me personaly the real person, the true nature of the sub is uncovered without the normal shit shield she uses to protect herself during vanila life.

Also the real me is unleashed without the constraints of socially acceptable behaviour.

rose_in_chains wrote:
Consensual Non Consent - what do you get from it?

I think it's easier to start with what this question isn't about, than what it is.

This isn't a thread about whether CNC exists, or is an oxymoron.

This isn't a thread about whether consent can be withdrawn from CNC 'mid-act' and whether that constitutes rape/assault.

This isn't a thread about them 'orrible subs changing their minds, or them meanie Dom/mes taking advantage.

There are lots of threads which cover that kind of ground, one's ongoing right now, there's been quite a few in the past.

What I haven't seen much about is why? Why do we practice CNC? What do we get out of it? I'm interested in both points of view, from that of top and bottom, Dom/me and sub, sadist and masochist.

In truth, I'm probably most interested in hearing from the other side - Dom/mes, tops, sadists - why? When you've got a sub pinned down and you're fucking them, and the sub is begging you not to, to stop, fighting you, but you carry on, why?

I know what I get out of being that sub (I recently blogged on this, you can look it up if you're at all interested) but there is a piece of me that is, frankly, concerned that the power thrill in this kind of edge play could tip into something uglier... Or, is that the point of the edge play?

I recognise that this is a prickly, difficult, even dangerous subject, to discuss on open boards. But I'm genuinely interested & intrigued.

(I also want to hear from other subs who've experienced this too, to add to my own understanding).

I think I'll just lob this one over, scuttle off and watch from a distance... (cue, nothing happens...)

The pleasure, I fear, will be all mine.
You cant help those that refuse to listen.

23 Jan 12, 10:39 AM
Ms_Valentine
UK, 9 yrs

nastybstd wrote:
I can sum the answer up in a single word.

Reality.

For me personaly the real person, the true nature of the sub is uncovered without the normal shit shield she uses to protect herself during vanila life.

Also the real me is unleashed without the constraints of socially acceptable behaviour.

I think this is how I feel about a CNC relationship, it gives me the 'real' feeling of power and control, which some differently ordered relationships do not.

I can see we come at our bdsm from somewhat different angles but whether it is sadistic activities or D/s control or a mix of both, the knowledge that your sub has given over control and will accept your wishes for them, whatever they might be, is incredibly fulfilling.

For some it is pain and ultraviolence which allows the 'real person' to be unleashed, both Dom and sub. For me it is the joy of living a life which is not littered with behaviour in men I find hard to stomach, so I get to banish all that and have in it's place the things the 'real me' needs. My sub gets to feel free to be as attentive, obedient, and submissive as he could want and so reveals the 'real him' that would be socially unacceptable in mainstream society.

Dominant partner in an FLR with @paulss

24 Jan 12, 9:47 AM
Belasarius
UK(M), 8 yrs

I've read and participated in these CNC threads in the past and had trouble with them. But, I've concluded that CNC does exist and it is different.

However, I think my view of it may be a little different to that being expressed by some of the earlier views here - and more akin to the views expressed in the last couple of posts above.

First, I don't believe CNC is necessarily the same as blanket consent. I have her consent to roger her anytime, anyplace, anywhere – whether she likes it or not and I do. And, even when she "has a headache" or is otherwise indisposed and I jump her she does not demur. But, I don't think this is CNC: She gets immense satisfaction out of being useful to me and, even though she'd pass if asked, the fact she is just taken is very satisfying to her as part of our overall relationship/dynamic, even though it is unwelcome at the time.

Then, not having a safe word, to me, isn't CNC either. I choose to whallop her when I will and I choose when that will stop. And I have the responsibility to make sure it is use and not abuse. But she gets, as others have pointed out, ultimate satisfaction from this, even if she really doesn't want it at the time. So, I don't see that as CNC either.

About a year ago (I think), when CNC was being hotly debated on the O&P boards, I started an experiment with her, which continues today. I have taken something that I know she hates. There is nothing about it that she likes. It brings back horrid memories. She gets angry or she weeps when I tell her I am going to do it. When I do it she shows she's hating it. Afterwards she makes it clear there is no satisfaction in having "been good" or "useful" when being good or useful means submitting to this hateful thing. Over the time we have been doing this it has not got easier for her.

For me, this is CNC.

Oh, and it does have a positive impact on the relationship – for me, at least: Knowing there is something in our repertoire that she hates, but which I can use as I wish, makes the submission feel, to me, absolutely real. After all, everything else she might be acceding to because, in one way or another, she likes it.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

Edited 24 Jan 12, 9:48 AM by Belasarius

30 Jan 12, 8:10 PM
rose_in_chains
UK(W), 4 yrs

Thank you to everyone for your replies. It's clear that CNC means different things to different people, and therefore the motivations behind it are also different.

Few replies have been around sexual CNC. I guess the term which I personally don't like, is 'rape play.'

I'm interested to know the motivations behind that, purely from personal interest - I have written about it in the past, I have been raped. But I'm starting to understand a little more about the difference between the two, and am interested in learning what this means to others, both the 'top' and the 'bottom'.

Would I be right in thinking it's not about submission at all (for it to be CNC, there is a fight, no consent...?), and therefore not so much about control..? Is power the key dynamic?

Thanks.

Twitterati? I'm emilyrose_uk - see you there?