This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| Thu 19 Jan 12, 10:28 PM rose_in_chains UK(W), 4 yrs |
I think it's easier to start with what this question isn't about, than what it is. This isn't a thread about whether CNC exists, or is an oxymoron. This isn't a thread about whether consent can be withdrawn from CNC 'mid-act' and whether that constitutes rape/assault. This isn't a thread about them 'orrible subs changing their minds, or them meanie Dom/mes taking advantage. There are lots of threads which cover that kind of ground, one's ongoing right now, there's been quite a few in the past. What I haven't seen much about is why? Why do we practice CNC? What do we get out of it? I'm interested in both points of view, from that of top and bottom, Dom/me and sub, sadist and masochist. In truth, I'm probably most interested in hearing from the other side - Dom/mes, tops, sadists - why? When you've got a sub pinned down and you're fucking them, and the sub is begging you not to, to stop, fighting you, but you carry on, why? I know what I get out of being that sub (I recently blogged on this, you can look it up if you're at all interested) but there is a piece of me that is, frankly, concerned that the power thrill in this kind of edge play could tip into something uglier... Or, is that the point of the edge play? I recognise that this is a prickly, difficult, even dangerous subject, to discuss on open boards. But I'm genuinely interested & intrigued. (I also want to hear from other subs who've experienced this too, to add to my own understanding). I think I'll just lob this one over, scuttle off and watch from a distance... (cue, nothing happens...) Twitterati? I'm emilyrose_uk - see you there? | ||
| 19 Jan 12, 10:34 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
Control. All about the control. I wish I'd known I needed to be controlled years ago. | ||
| 19 Jan 12, 10:34 PM MsBorgia_and_Mrk UK, 7 mths  |
Well I think a lot of it is just the fact and the credible threat, a mind f*ck, so I don't think it has to get ugly for it to work... In fact it should still be a turn on so nothing ugly. | ||
| 19 Jan 12, 10:36 PM MsBorgia_and_Mrk UK, 7 mths |
And yes what it gives me is that control element that I can have that person under my control and he actually needs that control... | ||
| 19 Jan 12, 11:42 PM pinkylucy UK(M), 9 yrs     |
Most of my fantasies involve being pushed beyond what I think I can endure. CNC allows for that fantasy to occasionally become reality. In actual fact the experience itself is the awful part. By definition it's something I genuinely do not want or feel I can endure at the time. The pleasurable part comes in the before (the excitement and fear of knowing it could happen because I have given my prior consent) and in the after (being able to fantasise and romanticise and mull over what a terrible ordeal it was.) "Don't Dream It, Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973 Edited 19 Jan 12, 11:43 PM by pinkylucy | ||
| 19 Jan 12, 11:51 PM naruto12 UK(EH), 2 yrs  |
I'm a nice guy, sometimes too nice. Sometimes it's nice not to be nice. Sorry, hope you weren't wanting a deeper answer. | ||
| 19 Jan 12, 11:56 PM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
When H gets nasty it's like being cornered by a wild animal. A wild animal that is completely in control. With added extras. Eventually when you've been savaged and you're the half dead mouse being played with by the cat it's intrestin. And I may get giftage to compensate. What's not to like? Pour encourager les autres | ||
| 20 Jan 12, 12:55 AM Attitude_Adjuster UK(N), 6 yrs |
CNC is essentially play without a safe-word. A safe-word has both pros and cons. So for some people, or perhaps better, for some relationships, the cons may out-way the benefits.
perhaps because the knowledge that there is no safe-word is in itself an aphrodisiac, a statement of trust, an explicit statement of power transfer. I'm highly sceptical that trusting relationships that do this significantly violate the implicitly understood boundaries, otherwise the sub would walk away afterwards anyway - something in no ones interest. Perhaps it can tip to something uglier - choose your partners wisely!
And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! | ||
| 20 Jan 12, 2:07 AM Trusttolove UK(LS), 13 mths |
all those individual moments of force...the fear...the fight...the eventual surrender put in me a place so totally out of control...or under control its like being in the eye of the storm completely still right there in the moment that is a kind of bliss | ||
| 20 Jan 12, 6:45 AM Dev_sub CH, 6 mths |
In actual fact the experience itself is the awful part. By definition it's something I genuinely do not want or feel I can endure at the time. The pleasurable part comes in the before (the excitement and fear of knowing it could happen because I have given my prior consent) and in the after (being able to fantasise and romanticise and mull over what a terrible ordeal it was.)
[/quote] Just experienced that yesterday... I craved for the session beforehand, knew this is what I want, what i came to London for and what Master deserves, but during the experience i felt like He was beating all the love I feel for Him out of me and with each stroke i fell deeper, questioning my sanity for letting anyone treat me like that, until i zoned out... Took me 'ages' to come back. I was actually happy that Master - after checking i really was ok and lovingly leaving all i could possibly have needed next to me - had to leave for a while, so that i could take all the time i needed to resurface. I love that after-time... When it feels like i'm not in my body... When i can just enjoy all the sensations. Afterwards as I was waiting for Master to come back, I was scared... Wondering, is the lover in me gone? Knowing the one cannot exist without the other... I opened the door for him, He hugged me and I knew, I can't wait for the next session... Scared that maybe it will be the last time, because maybe then, the sub in me will take over completely and there will no longer be any space for the lover... I've never tried drugs, but to me this is an addiction... I crave for the sessions, know it isn't necessarily good for my body, but it just gives me a kick like I've never experienced otherwise | ||
| 20 Jan 12, 7:55 AM Ms_Valentine UK, 9 yrs |
I came to CNC, not through wishing to get my kicks or provide his for seemingly non consensual acts. Undeserved and unwanted pain is not inflicted in our sex life or by me purely for sadstic pleasure. Only punishment with a cane fit that part of the CNC description. CNC as a broad framework was very attractive as it allows for me to have huge amounts of control and for punishment to be administered, whether he 'likes' it or not. Our sexual play, although incorporating some S/m activities s actually quite relaxed and it is not about me being particularly sadistic but about me controlling the fun we have together. So, for us CNC is exactly as it is described in the IC Dictionary, a D/s without safewords due to the blanket consent offered and a defined and safe way for punishment or as I see them 'physical consequences' to be felt by paul despite his genuine dislike of the cane. So his love of me and our relationship outweighs his fear and loathing of the cane. he never craves the cane but needs the relationship in which it is used. Equally, I need to be able to have that small element of absolute power to create and maintain the dynamic as we both want it. Dominant partner in an FLR with @paulss Edited 20 Jan 12, 7:57 AM by Ms_Valentine |
