This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Tue 17 Jan 12, 9:03 PM Dolly_Molly UK, 4 mths   |
@ssnappy and I have only just begun to develop our D/s relationship and wondered that perhaps you wonderfully helpful people could enlighten me regarding a little query I have. As mentioned I am new to this lifestyle and wonder if there is something I'm not understanding, but it doesn't seem fair that Sir is the one who always has to take the lead and come up with all the ideas and games because first of all, even though he is the dominant in our relationship it doesn't seem right that he makes all the effort and secondly, I have the most fantastic imagination (if I do say so myself) and I want to be able to put my ideas into practice. Also I am a naturally playful, cheeky girl and I LOVE to tease and play games, but I don't like the feeling of being dominant or being in charge. It's more the excitement of playing with fire... to be under the illusion that I have any power over him and tease and torment him only to get 10 times worse back. My question is, HOW can I have an input in play and do lovely things to Sir without overstepping my submissive role? Is there anything I can actively do during play so that he gets the benefit of my imagination and I have the fun of surprising him with my ideas without being dominant? Does that make sense? As Sir uses the boards memos would be better for specific suggestions of what I can do so that I can surprise him, but general comments on the whole 'can a sub play an active role and still remain submissive' would be welcome on the thread for all to discuss.
Thank you | |
| 17 Jan 12, 9:06 PM Masterstroke  UK(WF), 7 yrs |
Any relationship has to be based on conversation. The best thing to do is talk to each other and take it from there. The more you both put in, the more you both get out. Stroke Make each Stroke count, it might just be your last | |
| 17 Jan 12, 9:07 PM OneKinkySlut UK(HA), 10 mths |
I know what you mean with this. I am also playful and like to tease but still want to remain submissive and express my ideas sometimes also. | |
| 17 Jan 12, 9:09 PM othyim NL, 3 yrs |
Well, you could point him in the direction of pictures, stories and/or video's you like.
Or clothing or fetish gear. Propose to look at some video's/dvd's together. Or buy him one, as a present. Talk about why you like them, whilst watching it, or afterwards. You could also send him stories about your fantasies, if you like writing. All of those things dont make you less submissive, but give him some ideas what you might like? "Class is the impartial, consistent display of emotional integrity." Edited 17 Jan 12, 10:08 PM by othyim | |
| 17 Jan 12, 9:11 PM Master_Blacksmith UK(GU), 13 mths |
I know we very quickly chatted about this earlier but since this may help everyone ill give a short version here. You of course should tell him what your imagination has bubbling. No need to demand it, just say what you think would sound fun and let him choose what to do with this infomation.
Then let him supprise you | |
| 17 Jan 12, 9:19 PM sub_65 UK(DE), 7 mths |
If you have mutual respect then you should be able to tell each other anything.
Be strong and tell him what you would like,need and want because it will be beneficial to both. Tomorrow you may wish for today. | |
| 17 Jan 12, 9:20 PM atwistedgent UK(SN), 5 mths |
Have to agree with anyone suggesting talking, after that have a talk and finally talk about things. When that's done some doing is very much called for. Actually I have other side of this. I'd like my girl to throw some ideas in but she struggles to verbalise her desires as a sub so I work off the hints she does occasionally give and flesh them out for both us to enjoy. Seems to work for us though. | |
| 17 Jan 12, 10:12 PM fellatrix UK, 2 yrs |
In a particularly pretentious moment my dom told me that initiative is one of the five pillars of submission (honest, he's not really an arse - and he never told me what the other four were ) But I know he appreciates me making suggestions and taking the initiative on occasion. If I overstep the mark he swiftly puts me in my place. Works for us.smartarse | |
| 17 Jan 12, 10:17 PM IrrepressibleSoul UK(OX), 24 mths  |
dont necessarily think of it as 'taking control'...but making suggestions.... and absolutely talk about it as others said. you might also in making suggestions.....ask...or beg even.......and he would still retain control of whether you actually get what you ask for or not Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha said "with our thoughts, we make the world"......well I bet he never had to build a flippin' shed! | |
| 17 Jan 12, 10:17 PM Monkey_Wench UK(B), 20 mths    |
Try to think of it in this way.... occaisionally your dominant may allow you to take the lead. He will allow you free rein, within boundaries that he sets, and at any time he can take back the initiative from you. You can use this time to play out some of your ideas, and you may tease him. If he likes it he will let you continue, if he doesn't he will take back the reins. In this way he is still always in control, you have just been allowed to take the lead for a while. Also, telling him your ideas, your fantasies and your needs is all useful information for him to have and use as he sees fit. | |
| 17 Jan 12, 10:27 PM Dolly_Molly UK, 4 mths |
This is perfect, exactly what I was looking for. It's like playing a game of Operation or Buckaroo, you need to tread carefully and, while it's fun playing the game, you never know when you're about to lose until it's too late Thank you everyone for your comments so far, but just to make the comments slightly more helpful to myself I should let it be known that @ssnappy and I do nothing BUT talk and share ideas and he even helped me write this post as we both want the answers. We're both very open with each other and I suppose I wanted to know if a sub could, for example, restrain a dom and play with them, but within the context of the dom being in charge? I'm not asking how do I approach my dom with this suggestion, but how we can both get around the issue of me being sub and taking control. Just as @All_of_Me said, the dom can allow this momentary role reversal, but only until the sub is put back in their place therefore maintaining the power 'imbalance'. Let's say I'm looking for sub loop-holes that will let me get away with being in charge? |
