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| AshUK |
I've written a new hot violent porn story. But in the light of recent comments and criticism, I thought I'd better start with a disclaimer:
Disclaimer:
Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. For optimum performance and safety, please read these instructions carefully. Void where prohibited. No representation or warranty, express or implied, with respect to the completeness, accuracy, fitness for a particular purpose, or utility of these materials or any information or opinion contained herein. Actual mileage may vary. Prices slightly higher south of the Watford Gap. No animals were harmed during the production of this product. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or events, past, present or future, is purely coincidental. This product not to be construed as an endorsement of any product or company, nor as the adoption or promulgation of any guidelines, standards or recommendations. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Package sold by weight, not volume. Contents may settle during shipment. No user-serviceable parts inside.
Use only as directed.
Do not eat.
Not a toy.
Postage will be paid by addressee. If condition persists, consult your physician. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. One size fits all. Colours may, in time, fade. For office use only. Edited for television. List was current at time of printing. At participating locations only. Keep away from fire or flame. Avoid contact with skin. Employees and their families are not eligible. Limited time offer. No purchase necessary. Not recommended for children under 12. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
Slippery when wet.
Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
For recreational use only.
Read at your own risk. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Parental guidance advised. Always read the label. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Contains non-milk fat. Use only in well-ventilated area. Price does not include taxes. Not for resale. Hand wash only. Keep away from sunlight. For a limited time only. No preservatives or additives. Keep away from pets and small children. Safety goggles required during use. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Please remain seated until the web page has come to a complete stop. Flammable. Must be 18 years or older.
Seat backs and tray tables must be in the upright position.
Repeat as necessary.
Beware of the dog.
Do not look directly into light. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. No salt, MSG, artificial colouring or flavoring added. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid prolonged exposure to this product. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. May contain nuts. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Do not use if safety seal is broken. Apply only to affected area. Do not use this product if you have high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, thyroid disease, asthma, glaucoma, or difficulty in urination. May be too intense for some viewers. In case of accidental ingestion, seek professional assistance or contact a poison control centre immediately. Many suitcases look alike. Post office will not deliver without postage. Not the Beatles. This product has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory rats. Do not use the AC adaptor provided with this player for other products.
All models over 18 years of age.
Sanitised for your protection.
Refrigerate after opening.
And here's the story:
I knocked her about a bit, then fucked her. She came. I came. I knocked her about a bit more. We went to sleep.
Edited Thu 12 Jan 12, 7:56 PM by AshUK
| 12 Jan 12, 7:55 PM hollythedolly UK(NN), 2 yrs   |
your best work yet | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 7:57 PM twilightsilence UK(ME), 16 mths |
PMSL!!!! Take me on a journey and keep me safe on our travels.... | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 7:57 PM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs |
I tried so hard not to smile at this, I failed. Badly. Edited 12 Jan 12, 7:58 PM by Souci_X | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 7:57 PM hailstone UK(HD), 9 yrs |
PMSL. Don't stop doing what you do. Your writing is hot, near the knuckle and bloody exciting. So what if some dont like it? They do not have to read it If you don't like my words, don't listen. | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 7:57 PM AshUK UK(EN), 7 yrs £ |
Thank you ! I actually stole it from @Silly_Rabbit. But I thought it was appropriate to repost it here.. I wouldn't say I'm arrogant, but Superman has pictures of me on his pyjamas. Edited 12 Jan 12, 7:58 PM by AshUK | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 8:01 PM hollythedolly UK(NN), 2 yrs |
I think you should be put on the naughty step for plagerism. | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 8:01 PM inappropriate  UK(CF), 3 yrs |
*In my best teacher voice* Witty, clever, but lacking in filth. Must try harder. | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 8:02 PM flamesdesire UK(OX), 4 yrs |
F@"k me....I was expecting a story that would make me cringe, feel sick, feel hot and horny.....did giggle over your disclaimer though  jxx "Take me from this earth an endless night- this, the end of life. From the dark I feel your lips and taste your bloody kiss." | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 8:06 PM FluffySub UK(NN), 6 yrs      |
~Gasps~ It's like you looked into my soul when you wrote that. . . . Seriously though... you know your kinks are generally not on a par with mine, but I'd always defend your right to write what you want, you sick fucker.
Not huffy or stuffy, nor tiny or tall,
But fluffy, just fluffy, with no brains at all. | ||
| 12 Jan 12, 8:08 PM A_Zebra_Called_Dave UK, 9 mths £ |
I've never wanted you more. Spots are so last year. |
