Going long distance after living together (16)

I don't think I could in fact I know I couldn't handle it. Starting off as long distance for over a year and a half was a killer, I was so glad when we could finally move in together.

I am sure it has and does work for some people, with the right amount of communication and whatever but I think slowly I would just get further and further away emotionally, socially, in every other way until we drifted apart.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't go ahead with it though. I think sometimes when your get an opportunity to really change your life for the better which I reckon getting a job you really enjoy does then it's worth a shot.

If your meant to last you will find ways to make it work.

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The longest distance relationship I had was 350 miles away, it worked because we both made the effort with the journey. I was thinking if its part time it would be even easier for you to make that trip, but as you say cost is always relevent. Currently my partner lives 80miles away, we do see each other most weekends for the duration but it costs a lot and that has impacted on our standard of living, but I am living on minimal money at the moment so if we were both working the cost would be far less significant.

As I say I would move, it would be tough but doing something you love and can makea career out of will be worth it in the long term, I can't wait to move to him but at the moment I am laying my career foundations which means in our future we will both be more finincially secure.

Go for the interview, and good luck.

You don't say how you would travel, but often trains can be a cheaper alternative to driving if booking ahead (and you can take advantage of discounted fares with a 16-25 railcard). So if you know that all your weekends are free, using a site like Red Spotted Hanky, you can book in advance (I booked Euston to Crewe for £7.50 one way for Christmas Eve!).

In the current climate a job 150 miles away isn't so much of a bad thing. It seems important to you to start the career you would like, and this would be a way forward, and potentially enable you to have that experience for seeking a job in Manchester in the future. I do agree that 6 months may seem too short on a CV though.

If you are offered the job, and decide to take it, I'm sure between the two of you, you'll work out the best way to deal with the distance, while still continuing to enjoy your relationship. After all what is a year or so in a lifetime

"Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater." - Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer

Edited 10 Jan 12, 3:16 PM by karena

Also, I very much hope that your relationship lasts a lifetime if that's what you both want - but you need to protect yourself in the event that something goes wrong. You don't have to make a simple choice between your relationship and your career - it's rarely as black and white as that - and we all make various compromises for those we love - but significantly compromising your entire future career for your relationship leaves you incredibly vulnerable. If you feel that you'll have to do "something that's simply not right for me career wise if I stay in Manchester" then I think you have to pursue alternatives. From what I've read of your Master in your previous posts he'll also want what's best for you long-term.

I don't know you, your Master, or anything about your career choices, so my suggestions/comments might be utterly useless (apologies in advance if they are!) but have you thought about:

1) I agree with Souci - I'd be sceptical of a CV that showed someone had only stuck with a job for 6 months. I think you need to aim for at least a year - ideally longer.

2) Could you and your Master both move to somewhere halfway between Manchester and your home town and both commute?

3) If the job you're after is part-time then you could perhaps negotiate when you do the hours. So rather than 4 hours per day for 5 days a week for example (20 hrs total), you could ask to do two 8 hr days and one 4 hour day (total 20 hours). This would mean you'd only need to be in your home town from the morning of the first day at work, until the end of your half day... so only, theoretically, 2 nights a week. Then the issue of a LDR doesn't really arise does it?

4) If you have to be apart, try and think about the positives. A few nights a week apart opens up all kinds of deliciously wicked D/s O&P opportunities for rules, rituals, denial, tease, service... mmmm...

5) What does your Master do for work? Could he do it in your home town so you could both move there?

6) Are your choices really restricted to your home town and Manchester? Are there no opportunities nearer to Manchester?

Sorry - I've rambled on - I'll shush now! Good luck with whatever you choose to do

There is nothing more erotic than being understood ~ Molly Haskell ~

Edited 10 Jan 12, 4:08 PM by lushvelvet

A shit, shower and shave if you plan on spending your life together. Communication is the key and you've already expressed the main two words, trust and love within your realtionship.

I'm a great believer in that when I'm on my deathbed Id rather regret the things I did than regret the things I wished I'd done. If it helps you to get your foot in the door in your chosen path, then wouldn't you be silly to not do it????

However, as they say distance makes the heart grow founder, however we never know whats round the corner and it could also mean the path you are on now doesnt mean you'll stay on it forever and people can and do grow apart.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Go to the interview; you have nothing to lose. And if you get the job it could be the start of something good. Remember this: at 24, you may or may not be seeing the person who is your partner for life but if you set the foundations for a good career, you won't need to depend on anyone - that's important.

***Disclaimer: I accept no liability for the content of this post, or for the consequences of any misconstruction taken on the basis of the information provided, unless that information is subsequently confirmed in writing. Please do not ask for credit as a punch in the mouth will often offend***

Some thoughts:

- have you had people other than family look at your cv? if not, do it, it really does matter (happy to help - as I don't know you face-to-face I can ask you the tough questions and make the critical comments others might not)

- how are you going about looking for job opportunities? online, agencies, word of mouth, networking, etc?

- when you are applying (whether by letter or online), are you just cutting-n-pasting a standard letter and cv, or are you customising it to show you really fit that specific job ad? (as an employer, I can always tell when I am getting a cut-n-paste application and it makes me think that if the applicant can't be bothered to make an effort, they are unlikely to be a good fit - harsh I know, but when you get a lot of cvs....)

- I don't know what kind of job you are looking for, but are there perhaps jobs in related fields where you could also gain valuable skills? have you done a list of both the jobs you would like but also the industries and skillsets, so you can do some lateral thinking?

- are you looking for a job as a real starting point in your chosen career, or as a way of earning money? obviously ideally it is both, but if you can afford not to earn money, have you considered whether you might be able to get unpaid secondments or work for the volunteer sector to get *relevant* experience? it is ALWAYS the first jobs which are the hardest to get, as employers will basically always prefer someone who has relevant work experience even if it is relatively limited

Also, remember that in the current economic situation, it is that much harder to find "exactly" the job you want, and that is not a negative reflection on you, just a consequence of things beyond your control.

Feel free to memo me if I can help. Good luck.

There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good, to one who'll watch over me (Ella Fitzgerald, singing George Gershwin)

I totally agree with this. I think if you get the job, you'd need to at least consider that it would be better to stay there for a year at least, otherwise it will not be much of an asset to your CV.

Best of luck in whatever you decide and I hope you get the best outcome possible.

This is very good advice.

I think a career is important. But no job (in my opinion) is worth losing my partner over. I know a long distance relationship would kill our relationship sooner or later; and it's not something I'd consider. But that's me. Your chosen field might be so important to you that you are willing to spend much time apart. I just know what makes me most miserable and that's being without my man - not without my ideal job

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