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| Sat 7 Jan 12, 9:12 PM removetheshoes UK(N), 5 mths  |
This is kind of related to the thread about abuse, but I didn't want to hijack it.
Does it matter if a kink was caused by something traumatic in ones past? I don't think my fetish was caused by anything in particular, though I have heard theories about foot fetishes being linked to lack of maternal affection, which could apply if I thought hard enough about it. My thoughts would be that if a kink is in some way caused by anything traumatic, maybe that could be seen, eventually, as a positive rather than a negative? Especially since people here seem to be very open minded and intelligent about all aspects of sexuality, surely that sort of partnership would be far more positive than someone who expects someone to just be "normal", after a traumatic event? | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:17 PM flamesdesire UK(OX), 4 yrs  |
No as long as you are happy jxx "Take me from this earth an endless night- this, the end of life. From the dark I feel your lips and taste your bloody kiss." | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:20 PM skadii UK(W), 5 yrs |
I don't reckon kink is "caused" by trauma. It all sounds a bit too much like those 1960s 'reasons' for gayerism: men are gay if their mothers were stifling; if their fathers were distant; if they went to boys schools; if the planets aligned to spell COCK on the day they were born, wevs.
The human mind and the bits connected to sexuality and getting one's rocks off are a weird and IMHO largely inexplicable thing. I like women and being beaten about a bit; my BFF like boys and doing it up the bum. No point trying to explain 'why' each of us found that this did it for us, just get on and enjoy it. | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:22 PM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs |
I think sometimes it can be reasurring when you convince yourself of the reasons, but I also think the internet allows far too much navel gazing. As to whether the percieved link is abuse, no not a problem if that is what makes the individual feel better or process their abuse or whatver good for them. I do think that on occasion BDSM can be bad for people, their motives can be wrong, but then its not really up to me to judge other peoples life choices, hopefully everyone will find their own balance. | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:23 PM removetheshoes UK(N), 5 mths |
My thoughts exactly. I was in a relationship where my fetish wasn't really accepted, and I had to hide it, and neary went to therapy to try to "cure" myself, but I realised that even if I got to the root cause of it, I LOVE my fetish, and I don't really think it was me with the problem. I do enjoy vanilla sex very much (so much so that I don't ike the term, non kinky sex with someone I love is amazing) but I don't think letting a long term partner lick your feet occasionally is a massive sacrifice to make, compared with trying to require your whole sexuality | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:23 PM Bazinga_Punk UK(CM), 4 yrs |
This is an interesting area. From my perspective I see kink as pretty normal, no different from hetro/homosexual relationships. I just see kink as part of who I am. I was never abused as a kid, or sufferred any event which caused kink. I think I was born a kinky git and just as people discover other preferences about themselves, whether that be that they are homosexual, like marmite, or like jazz, I discovered I was kinky. Relationship wise, after a couple non-kinky relationships, where I tried to hide my desires I would never consider a relationship with someone who was not as least a perverted as I was. Life is too short to hide something that important to you. We are lucky, that today, it is far easier to be open about sexual desires. I can only imagine how homosexual people felt before society started to grow up. Edited 7 Jan 12, 9:32 PM by Bazinga_Punk | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:24 PM removetheshoes UK(N), 5 mths |
oops, I meant "rewire", not "require" | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:37 PM fetishist11 UK(KT), 6 yrs |
The most likely cause I've seen is the connection between us crawling around our mother's feet as babies and the security that is connected with. Maybe that only comes into play if we then feel we've lacked in affection later. | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:41 PM removetheshoes UK(N), 5 mths |
The earliest foot thing I can remember is loving it when girls did PE barefoot, I have been into feet in a sexual way probably since I was about five, but I honestly don't remember it ever being linked to family members feet - if anything I have always been averse to them. I do find feet intensely comforting though | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:44 PM valleyrose17 UK(BS), 2 yrs |
yes it matters - I know why I feel submissive to some people and it is only since I became aware of DS that I have understood why - and to look at that side of my life. As a result I have been able to deal with it, forgive myself and others and accept and be grateful - because I wouldn't be without what I have or am now for anything. Awareness is a good thing... "Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed" Michael Pritchard Edited 7 Jan 12, 9:46 PM by valleyrose17 | |
| 7 Jan 12, 9:54 PM valiant1 UK(ST), 7 yrs |
I tend to believe that the things that go on in people's head as regards emotion and sexuality are so diverse and complex that any single "cause" of kink is bound to be a gross oversimplification. I wonder if there is any statistical relationship between abuse and kink. Personally, I know 2 people who were seriously abused as children who are completely 'nilla. I don't know if any of my kinky friends were abused - I've no reason to think so. WARNING: The above post may contain inaccuracies, irony or downright sarcasm.Not suitable for anyone allergic to nuts. |
