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| Sat 7 Jan 12, 4:53 PM SuchGreatHeights 5 yrs |
I'm a dom, albeit a relatively inexperienced one and certainly not part of 'the community' other than chatting to some of you good people online. I'm sure its normal to question one's behaviour after new and intense levels of play, especially where pain is concerned (I'm new to inflicting pain it's never been my thing and what concerned me is that we enjoyed it so much). During this phase of questioning my kink and the world of BDSM in general I came across the piece linked below. The phrase "I have yet to meet a female submissive who hasn't had some sort of sexual assault happen to her" sent me cold. Of course there's no danger at all of me behaving as the author describes, but is this something that people have experience of? Is there this sort of whispering within communities that allows for abuse? I wonder sometimes where this path leads and who prowls around in it's darker corners. Really interested to here from experienced players if anyone has the time to comment. Thanks for reading anyway. | |||
| 7 Jan 12, 5:02 PM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs   |
Its not true for a start. I have no idea if there has been much comparison between people who identify as being part of the scene and people who don't when it comes to sexual abuse, but from personal experience the percentages are about the same. I think there is a chance that BDSM can become more attractive to people who have been sexual abused, almost as a control thing. I also think that with sites like these people can be more open about their past and therefore it seems as though it is more common. I also also think that BDSM will have people who are abusive hiding away in it, but possibly no more than the world as a whole. | |||
| 7 Jan 12, 5:16 PM SuchGreatHeights 5 yrs |
Its true in any given community that there'll be a percentage of twats, but my concern was that submissives are prone to more abuse than is average. You say her article is mostly untrue?
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| 7 Jan 12, 5:21 PM ConsciousnessJunkie UK(N), 5 yrs |
I'm not sure why it concerns you to be honest? If you meet someone with a history of abuse, you can find out the facts and make your own decisions if you would like to pursue that relationship. If you are worried that there are abusers lurking out there, yes there are. But there are also abusers lurking in the street. And the community clubs. And the doctors surgeries. And in homes. And everywhere... | |||
| 7 Jan 12, 5:29 PM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs |
I would say that I have never been abused by anyone in the BDSM community. Ive met twats and dicks and bitches and people I wouldn't want to spend much time with. I have had relationships that didn't work and relationships that made me unhappy, but never have I been abused by anyone I have met at events, from thesse kinds of sites etc etc. | |||
| 7 Jan 12, 5:35 PM SuchGreatHeights 5 yrs |
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| 7 Jan 12, 5:37 PM SuchGreatHeights 5 yrs |
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| 7 Jan 12, 5:38 PM calmhands UK, 2 yrs |
Personally I think it would be much harder for an abuser to exsist within the community, it's quite a protective environment and I don't believe someone like that would be tolerated. Abusers by their very nature prefer isolation, it's how they get away with it. ch x
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| 7 Jan 12, 5:42 PM pleasureswitch UK(E), 6 yrs |
Fundamentaly I agree with Souci X. I think that blog is written from a particular point of view, that many here don't share, everybody right to express an all that but it's not really a world I recognize. This isn't sayin there isn't abuse, of course there is, as has been said. I think the most important thing is and the one thing you actually have control of, are your actions,how you act, how you treat people. Stop if need be, if worried. If I can suggest, focus on how you comport yourself and treat people with respect an it'll be fine. "Yeah I like Kinky stuff,dirty dark pervy stuff,weird sex....
An' Yerself ?" | |||
| 7 Jan 12, 5:54 PM Monkey_Wench UK(B), 20 mths    |
There are several points about that article I would like to make. She hasn't met me, or she wouldn't be able to claim she has never met a femsub who hasn't been sexually assaulted on the scene. I haven't. How she writes about the scene is not the scene I recognise. Maybe it is different in the US, but we talk to each other here, and unsafe players, and those too free with their hands are known about. Predators exist in all walks of life, and the scene is probably no different, but thay aren't more prevalent in my experience. What you personally can do about this is decide you will be a good dominant who respects all he plays with, who does not over-step boundaries, who negotiates and listens to submissives. Those are the people I pick to play with, usually they are already friends before we get to that stage. | |||
| 7 Jan 12, 6:05 PM SuchGreatHeights 5 yrs |
@calmhands I hope you're right, I'd think the BDSM community would have a strong imperative to be protective on general principle. @Pleasureswitch / @All_of_me of course that's good advice and I thank you for it. You probably realise while I make tentative steps the thought of being part of a community that hushes up and whispers about abuse rather than outing the culprits is not a community I would want anything to do with. Forgive the worries of a newbie. |
