This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 7 Jan 12, 3:32 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
I'm quite sure you are right. If I'd really wanted to walk away, wouldn't I just have done so? Being released has serious meaning to me, but in the end, I suspect those who laugh at the concept have a point!
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| 7 Jan 12, 3:44 PM calmhands UK, 2 yrs  |
I think it is dependent on the relationship, how it was created, conducted and ended. The nature of a D/s relationship can mean that when it is over the loss is felt far deeper, on both sides. In an ideal world friendship would be lasting and care would continue at least until both parties felt it wasn't required anymore. We don't live in an ideal world, so I do think that we have a responsibility to ourselves. Friends are the backbone of life and help through tough times, good friends who understand the psyche of a submissive, or Dom. ch x
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| 7 Jan 12, 3:49 PM MissMorrigan UK(BN), 7 yrs |
Nicely said, Calmhands, I can't add to that and you've articulated well several points for consideration.
The tooth fairy teaches kids to sell body parts for money ~ David Richerby | ||
| 7 Jan 12, 4:05 PM SinPar US, 12 yrs  |
Your insisting on it and his refusing to give it says so very much about the relationship. SinPar
-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis) | ||
| 7 Jan 12, 4:18 PM SinPar US, 12 yrs |
I do think that dominants generally have some responsibility to submissives in a "leave the wilderness as you found it" sort of way. Splitting up is a big emotional event for you both whether or not you want to admit it. If the dominant can't do it then it is up to them to find *someone* for the submissive to turn to for what's needed (advice/emotional support/ validation) to keep them from being too vulnerable to someone unscrupulous or while they get used to making their own decisions again. Not everyone needs it and I think you have to let your good sense and conscience guide you about what the right thing to do is. So yes, you do have a responsibility to the submissive at the time of ending and until a reasonable amount of time has passed for them to find their balance. It doesn't have to be you personally doing it, but you are responsible for finding someone unless the submissive says "thanks, but no thanks". You have to be willing to state for how long and what type of assistance you'll offer up front so you don't get dragged into drama that keeps things going indefinitely. SinPar
-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis) | ||
| 7 Jan 12, 4:32 PM chartreuse UK(BA), 6 yrs  |
I agree...
@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Any man can be what a woman wants him to be, if he wants to be with her... relinquish the power to her and let her lead the way. | ||
| 7 Jan 12, 5:16 PM NickiB UK(BS), 3 yrs |
Err - they just decide to leave? :p
Nicki | ||
| 7 Jan 12, 5:33 PM shit_sub UK(W), 5 yrs |
did someone say they didn't? | ||
| 7 Jan 12, 5:39 PM Attitude_Adjuster UK(N), 6 yrs |
A duty of care isn't something thats accepted or not, thats why the first word is duty, rather than say, opt-in Secondly, I don't believe proximity has anything to do with it, nor does being in a play situation or not. Its entirely based on your actions and their consequences. Consequently you can't walk away from a play session, and disown the inherent consequences of that play session simply because you're no longer in the same room. Similarly there is no duty of care where you were not involved in the action resulting in harm (you have no duty of care obligation should your sub get mugged randomly at a bus stop). In general its probably better to stop trying to fit legal terms to interpersonal relationships, cause its just feckin stupid.
And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! | ||
| 7 Jan 12, 6:57 PM Monkey_Wench UK(B), 20 mths    |
As above. She has it nailed here! All D/s relationships are not the same, all subs, doms, men and women are not the same. It's a judgement thing. If she thinks you have a responsibility to her and you don't, then use your judgement. Was the relationship a high protocol one? Did she have rules and guidance suddenly withdrawn? Is she capable of looking after herself or is she just hanging onto you? Is cutting all ties going to be kinder and more constructive to her than staying around and being a constant reminder of what was? Is she hoping your relationship can be salvaged? We all have responsibility for ourselves, but, and I really believe not enough people in life in general take this seriously enough.... we have influence on others, we effect them, and for that we do have to take *some* responsibility. |
