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| Mon 2 Jan 12, 11:17 PM sixx_k UK, 6 mths |
So my dominant has recently started enjoying caning and flogging...which is fine and I am beginning to cope well with, but he needs to do a bit better in the after-care department...like telling me I did well when I did well, transition from sub space back to normal, it's hard to do it by yourself...but I dont know how to tell him...any advice? Sixx_k | |
| 2 Jan 12, 11:20 PM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs   |
I don't know your relationship, but generally I find being honest in a none critical way is the best route with this kind of thing. So rather than saying he is doing it wrong say what you need for you, try not to be patronising certainly do not say 'you are new at this' or you need to do better. Edited 2 Jan 12, 11:21 PM by Souci_X | |
| 2 Jan 12, 11:22 PM pilsburyDB 19 mths |
just tell him  to quote a friend "I have no desire to copulate with giant wobbling fatsacks" | |
| 2 Jan 12, 11:30 PM Mistress_Maud 3 yrs |
Personally, and this is just me, but I expect anyone I play with to be brutally honest. Their job isn't to satiate my ego, their job is to be an open book to me so I can better play with them, dominate them and shape them into the submissive I want them to be. That doesn't work if my sub is holding information back, even and especially if that information is a critique. Knowledge is power and ignorance is only ever a weakness. | |
| 2 Jan 12, 11:44 PM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
two schools of thought: 1) love the one you're with aka put up and shut up and 2) top from the bottom, aka why don't you it's a hard life innit though Pour encourager les autres | |
| 2 Jan 12, 11:45 PM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
three 3) bring your own blankie Pour encourager les autres | |
| 2 Jan 12, 11:45 PM The_Link UK(AB), 5 mths |
Hi there, all the replies seem sensible-enough to me - but you could just give him a copy of SM 101 by Jay Wiseman. Once he's read that if he's not up to scratch, suggest he reads it again! (example: one of the first things I read... "a Dominant should be half torturer and half nurturer"). (good luck). Edited 2 Jan 12, 11:49 PM by The_Link | |
| 2 Jan 12, 11:47 PM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs       |
Just talk to him. Often it works well to write it down - for yourself, too. It might change over time.
His ideas might be totally different from yours. As the others said, it would be good to not sound critical. You can always just ask for a cuddle afterwards, etc. It isn't really being critical to ask for what you need. People really vary so much as to what they want/need afterwards. Some want chocolate, tea, blankie & a cuddle, some people just want to be left alone. He might not know what you need if you don't tell him.
@Play_Space - Next party is Friday, January 6, 2012 and the first Friday of every month! | |
| 3 Jan 12, 12:38 AM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs     |
Works for me My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |
| 3 Jan 12, 7:37 AM Ms_Valentine UK, 9 yrs |
Just tell him what you feel. Each sub is different in this respect and he should at least be aware of what you are thinking. He will not know automatically and presumably he is not telepathic. As some subs need little or no after care and some need a great deal, it is not fair for him to be kept in the dark. Tell him and then see what he says. Dominant partner in an FLR with @paulss | |
| 3 Jan 12, 7:42 AM atwistedgent UK(SN), 5 mths |
Have to add my vote to the just tell him side. It's obviously causing you an issue and that will only build up if you don't talk it through and that can end up as resentment. Honesty is the best policy. Personally I'm with the poster above it's about being half torturer half nurturer. |
