Reluctance regarding new subs...? (14)

I think you'll find that the "world of BDSM" is exactly the same as the rest of the world regarding tastes in looks, size, personality, hobbies, etc etc.

It takes time to find the right person. Would you complain that you were not in a relationship after a few 'normal' dates? You cannot expect to find the person of your dreams immediately!

People still have to 'click' and find one another attractive, have things in common etc. People aren't just going to 'jump into bed' with someone because they're new, nor for any other reason.

Edited 31 Dec 11, 3:59 PM by ConsciousnessJunkie

Firstly, if you can manage it, go to a local Munch as this will get you some real life interaction with other kinky people and may even directly or indirectly end up with you getting to meet a female dominant.

Work hard on your profile. It isn't bad but could do with a bit more of you as a person in there so a domly woman reading it will feel attracted to the sub and the rest of you.

Chat on here or answer some threads, even if it to ask more information.

PLEASE, please, pretty please, do try to remain positive and upbeat. Finding a person to maybe live your life with is worth hard work and effort, maybe for quite a while before something good happens. Please try to avoid complaining about lack of Dom women, the not answering memos and so on. That will not help and might get you the kind of reputation you don't want.

Instead, be friendly, join in, laugh, show off all your good characteristics and I am confident you will meet a Dominant woman who likes you as much as you like her.

Looks do not matter as I have known quite plain male subs win over dominant honeys with charm, wit, warmth, cheek and persistence. Go get 'em.

Dominant partner in an FLR with @paulss

Unfortunately, there is no simple three step solution to finding the right partner. But you can improve the odds by trying to stand out, in a positive way. First, make sure your profile tells people about you without turning it into a me, me, me piece. Join the conversations (you might want to check spelling to keep the IC spelling police squad at bay). Thirdly, mingle with people in the real world, munches are a good way to get to know people.

Best of luck!

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going, at 66,000 miles an hour, around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.

Not answering memos can be seen as rude, but the reality is that unless a memo also grabs attention, it's going to be ignored. The memo system on here is clunky anyway, it's harder than most email systems to see what's been dealt with and what hasn't. So stop being a victim and focus on making dommes want to answer your memos.

But the real truth is that a forum like this is only the front end of a real life community, and it's out there that you make this happen. The advice has already been given, but to make it as a sub, you have to stand out. What do you bring to the table?

Elle

Happy new year

"My name is Gary, I am 31 years old and I am 6 foot 4 inches tall with blue eyes and blonde hair."

Wowee 6ft4 & full of muscle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhnn6yb4Mmc

Are you looking for fetish and or servitude.

If service and you have weekends free, "I am single with no dependants. I work and will be available on weekends" is there anyway you could work part time a few hours in say Tescos where you get to serve lots of people & many a lady with that certain intangible, including coworkers. Supermarkets are a neat way to meet.

If fetish then even though it may appear scary or even why am i doing this, going to different fetish meets & munches, you are bound to find someone you click with as a person. It is difficult cause you so want to maybe experience fetish and you want to do it with anyone who will have you. Yet a dominant woman will have you if you both click as persons and she can trust you and you can trust her.

It is the holiday season - people are busy. People forget to reply to memo's. Some people dont reply to unsolicited Memos. Please see Mister Bear's "why don't people respond to my memos?" compilation.

My advice would be to go out to munches and clubs. People often say that there is noone there they are interested in, but it is to get to know people. It is a small world and while your perfect Domme might not be there, she might be at a party you are invited to through a munch or a person there.

Dommes also tend to talk to each other - if there is someone lovely and available in a certain area, word gets around.

In the meantime, could I suggest maybe just being helpful to events in your area. I try to get single guys to help at PlaySpace. It isn't only for the help - I get to scope them out AND I get to chat them up on the boards and thank them for their reliability and help. It gets them known as being sincere and shows that they are helpful.

Good luck.

@Play_Space - Next party is Friday, January 6, 2012 and the first Friday of every month!
Road Trip to the Sea!!! The October trip has tJust elapsed...More info here.

Aside from that, your profile has no photo. I ignore anyone who contacts me without a photo, simply because I don't have the time to sift through the hundreds of messages and request photos from people who don't bother to upload one.

R

"While the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there?"

Good advice. There are lots of Us who go to the effort to put on welcoming, creative events and it is just down to the rest of the folk to attend them with open hearts and minds.

There is no excuse for anyone to avoid taking at least ONE positive step a week towards creating things in their lives that they desire / need, and this is traditionally the time of year to do so...so

"Feel the Fear and do it anyway" !

you are a number. you're not a free man.

Edited 1 Jan 12, 1:41 PM by Sista_Sadista

That's the spirit!

Enjoy.

you are a number. you're not a free man.