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| carenza_lionheart |
So, New Year's Eve and time to think about the year just gone. In the main, it doesn't make pleasant thinking.
The first half of the year was a disaster. Depression ripped me apart and thank god my friends (and surprisingly my estranged husband) could see what was going on and encouraged me to get the help I was convinced I didn't need. I'm not going to go into details now, people who matter to me know the story, but the cowardice of the man I called my Dom coupled with the prospect of homelessness pushed me over the edge in late Spring. I shudder to think of it now, but it could have all turned out very differently and I have to thank nyteshade for not allowing me to end my life that day.
Dark times. The meds they put me on turned me into a cabbage. I couldn't wake up before midday, I couldn't drive. I existed, in a bubble, insulated from reality. I went 3 months without being able to see my beloved kids. My business died through neglect. Dark dark times.
An ill-thought out decision on where to live coloured the summer months. The least said about that period the better, but thanks to @mammon and @fluffysub for giving me places of respite from the other place when I needed it.
And then life began to change. I moved in with @fluffysub in September. I can't tell you how grateful I continue to be for your friendship Fluffy - not just the giggles and idiocy, but the practical nuts and bolts stuff. You spoke wisdom to me for months and months, persisting even when I put my fingers in my ears. You gave me sanctuary, and then a home. And lots of laughs. And you continue to look out for me, and while I may get irritated by it sometimes, it means a lot to me. I'm not used to having anyone look out for me. x
Here's where life picked up the pace...Fem Sub Club, 10th September. Being matchmaker and helping in the scheming gave me some self esteem back. My self esteem had been crushed to the size of a pinhead by then. It also brought someone into my sphere who has made a big difference. He'll be in the paragraph after next...
I got myself a job too. A job that is tough physically and in terms of the learning curve, but that I love. I also love the car that comes with it - and suddenly I was able to get out and about again and renew my contact with a world I had been hiding from. What a boost though - having not been traditionally employed for 10 years, to get a real live job fairly quickly...yay!
Covguy (not the one on here!)needs thanking for opening my eyes to possibilities, for being patient as I got my head around them and for giving my self esteem the biggest boost in ages. It hasn't been an easy road, but my hunch that it was worth it has proved right. So thank you for the journey so far.
@-gracie- You are a sweetheart and thank you so much for helping me over the last 3 months. Without you, I wouldn't have what I have now and I think you know how much I value it.
I end the year happier than I have been in years. I am contented. I like me, I like my life, I like how it feels to be here and now. I feel truly beautiful for the first time ever. I don't care if nobody else thinks I am - I feel it, and that's what counts. I feel full of love and light and energy - like my heart is overflowing with good feeling. 2012 is going to be a great year, full of friends and fun and balance. It will be the year of my divorce, and hopefully the year I stabilise even more things in my life.
I have some things I am hoping for, but I am not going to share all of them, as they are personal and private. This I will share: I hope that I can continue to build amazing friendships, to hold my hand out in peace not anger and to be true to myself. Oh, and I hope to wear more corsets and heels!
| 31 Dec 11, 12:48 AM WayneKing  UK(SE), 2 yrs  |
Turned a huge corner in 2011 with the help of some very good people by the sounds of it Carenza_mingetart. From this starting point 2012 has a very good chance of being a decent one for you. Press on (as Claire Rayner used to say). Please check out the Anthony Nolan register | |
| 31 Dec 11, 8:44 AM miss_chief UK(M), 7 yrs |
So lovely and positive to read, i hope 2012 is better for you. xx ''You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life'' | |
| 31 Dec 11, 9:26 AM gastro_masochist 6 mths |
one word... Inspirational. Ib xx "I'm not bothered if people in general like me or not, those that matter to me like me and that's all that counts." | |
| 31 Dec 11, 10:41 AM Suitably_Twisted UK(S), 2 yrs |
Very.. Here's too 2012 ... Onwards and upwards xx
'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation'.
'Mr Oscar Wild' | |
| 31 Dec 11, 12:14 PM Unchained_spirit UK(CM), 22 mths |
Wishing you love and laughter in the year ahead hun xxx Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass but learning to dance in the rain. | |
| 1 Jan 12, 1:05 AM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs |
Here's to Life. An Awfully Big Adventure. X |
