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Let's all play nicely people.. Just remember.. This is meant to be fun!
"The art of being a gentleman is knowing when not to be..."

That said, i don't think it's a lost cause. Just because it's not there from conception, doesn't mean it can't ignite at a later date and grow from there. I didn't like coffee once and i love the stuff now. Tastes and preferences can change and develop and sometimes being introduced to something new can spark off an interest never even imagined before. I'm not saying all people can be led into BDSM, but for some people, i'm sure that despite them not having been into it as long as others, that it can be as real a desire as anyone else's.

x

Now where were we? Ah, yes - abject humiliation!
@Modified_Bodies
@O_and_P
@LGB_Forum

So the question is - what changed us?

Was it the realization that there's something unfulfilled inside us, was it a pure chance of coming across a moving image or words which sparked new interest or touched out nerve?

As I am new to it I can still remember myself last year trying to get my head round various posts on this site, people wants and needs which were completely alien to me.

The reason those never put me off was the growing understanding that I don't need it all to explore d/s or FLR.

I think more important than imagination is willingness to try new things and opening up to unknown experiences. At the other end one may come out as a Kinkster or a slave or go back to vanilla life, but the making of the first step made it all happen, and then drilling into those emotions which were awoken by new experiences.

Another point is - to be honest with oneself with our own emotions and desires, and not brushing them under the carpet.

Having scanned through this thread, this is exactly the point I would have made, had it not been for the fact Abraxus said it first.

A person can be introduced to dominance as a concept at any age and they may get it and it may speak to them. If they feel it, it will be a door opening up a part of their inner self and they will feel comfortable and at home with it.

If they do not feel that desire or need, if they do not feel at home in that role, I don't think anything will ever make that happen.

I have known several women who have over long marriages acted the role of dominant to their sub husband but they were only doing it out of love for him and to make him happy. Although superficially successful, these arrangements never entirely convinced the sub husband nor made the wife moved or excited.

Dominant partner in an FLR with @paulss

Patrick
IndelibleMarker

How speciesist of you! I'm up for monkey-mittens, me. (sorry to hijack the thread, the idea just appealed to me)

I think too much, therefore I am a twat.

I would suggest that first of all you try and establish if that "want" is a want to be dominant or a want to please you. If you're having to initiate all the time it seems quite likely that it's the latter.

If it was an inherent want to be dominant, then once you laid out your submissive desires he would most likely have taken the lead from there.

I don't think it's so much about imagination, or lack thereof, and more about enthusiasm and a genuine desire to want to take control and dominate you.

There may be an enormous amount of will to please you, but unless there's at least a genuine and equal desire to please himself when it comes to dominating you, then eventually even the most dominant actions will come across as being submissive to your needs and desires.

Of course there may be a dominant spark that's yet to be ignited, due to never having had the opportunity, but once it's been given, especially openly and repeatedly, then I would have thought it would have become apparent.

If you do think such a spark exists then there is one other possibility to consider. The fact that you're the one always trying to initiate things might be working against you. He may feel that you're taking control and so might find it difficult to take the initial neccessary steps to reverse that. If it's new to him, but he seems willing, then he may feel that he can only be dominant with you if he feels that he's the one in control of things.

Men can be contrary fuckers at times, as such something that they want and enjoy can appear to be a chore if it seems it's demanded of them, and so any potential enthusiasm can be snuffed out if he feels like there's pressure to do it.

Naturally I have no idea of the nature of your relationship, or his personality, so this may well not be the case, and am just throwing it out there as something to consider.

If they have a fledging talent and a desire to use it then the answer is Yes. What's not so straight forward though has been touched on by a couple of comments and that's an issue of "conditioning".

I suspect this is more prevalent for male Dominants because of the "informative years" of us as children.

But children, being brought up in a predominantly matriarchal environment (either in the amount of time they spend in their Mother's company as versed to the Father's, or that the family structure was matriarchal in nature) have years of conditioning about how to treat people, specifically women. You don't hit them, you don't force anything on them, you don't manipulate. In the majority of cases, girls used to get the upper hands over their male siblings and were predominantly supported by the mother.

However, as Dominants, it's a real reversal. And that's where a lot of "training" of a Dominant comes from, seeing the situation as it is and learning to apply your domination at an appropriate time, in an appropriate manner. It's knowing how to read the signs, overcome your previous intuitions and then apply your authority on the situation.

I suspect that, as a Dominant ages his application of his authority becomes more selective, more defined, more skilled and applied with less effort.

Omnia vincit amor