This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| 30 Dec 11, 3:09 PM denosub UK(TF), 6 yrs  |
Well i've been in the scene for many years and think in the closet is the safest place. A few times i have come out (am totally submissive to femmedom) but the results were dismal.
Feel that one has to tell the wife but twice this resulted in ridicule and the feeling "I'll change him!" A lodger, teacher!
found some well whip marked pics and tried to blackmail me into selling him the house for a knockdown price.
Feel that in many places if workmates knew then soon wild rumours would quickly spread to makes one's position untenable. Just disclosing i went to a swinger's club led to management making me "redundant" losing thousands in wages.
Maybe a female would be treated with more understanding but my experience makes me very wary and convinced that it is futile to try and interest a vanilla person septimus | |
| 30 Dec 11, 3:32 PM wonderer UK, 5 yrs  |
Memo sent. In brief, I "came out" to my wife of (then) about 17 years. It was neither a disaster nor an outstanding success; she certainly hasn't turned Domme nor poly, but understands me better and is pretty tolerant of me having occasional time out so long as I don't tell her too much detail and as long as she doesn't feel ignored or second best. (Some people who may have useful experience to share may have been doing stuff behind their partner's back before "coming out", and any discussion touching on this might get sidetracked and quite inflammatory if conducted on the open boards. I'm making no assumptions as to what level of disclosure / autonomy is expected in your relationship nor how much you may have been doing with or without partner's knowledge.) "Wisdom begins in wonder” (Socrates) Edited 30 Dec 11, 3:36 PM by wonderer | |
| 1 Jan 12, 5:42 PM secretsmile_101 UK(M), 19 mths      |
I decided to "come out" to as many close friends as I could in 2011. For me coming out meant telling them I enjoyed kinky activities and that I regularly attend fetish events and munches. I wasn't something I had planned on doing, but I realised over time that lying to them about my relationships, my reasons for not meeting up with them and what I was doing in my free time was doing a lot more damage. My closest friend in particular was feeling hurt and upset and her not knowing about what had become such a huge part of my life was breaking up our friendship. I told friends by mentioning it when a suitable chance came up in general conversation, and we got talking more about it from there. I just briefly explained what kink events are, what munches are and what kind of things I do there. I had to explain that it's not swinging! Whilst they were initially a bit alarmed, shocked and confused at first, they were lovely in listening and asking questions about what I get up to and in trying to understand. I kept the details light, for example saying I love bondage and being hit etc. but I left out bits such as that I want a D/s or M/s type relationship! I'm so glad I told them, our friendship is much better for it and I don't have to hide who I am or what I do anymore. I will propbably never tell my family. They would be no need for them to know and they wouldn't understand, but I plan to tell my sister (the relative I'm closest to who is the most open-minded) soon. Work colleagues - they know I do to a lot of "parties" on the weekends but that's all they will ever know. I'll never take the risk of damaging my career or my standing at work. Good luck in your process of coming out if you decide to go for it. Hannah x | |
| 1 Jan 12, 5:59 PM Drew_Heller UK(LS), 4 yrs  |
Ok here goes from me... I just came out to my family today. One of my private new years resolutions. Why? I've lived with kink as a very private part of me for years, certainly my adult life and the more that I've become involved in the scene, the more it means to me. Before I worked in employment environments where kink and work were simply incompatible. My work environment has now changed and it allows me to have less risk of the sack! But there's a bigger point for me. I've lived only a half-life. Part of it I've had to deny, lie about, hide, bury and at times give up for the sake of not upsetting others and keeping that vanilla part of me safe. That's fine but for me it's eaten me up more and more, made me ashamed of kink and who I was. I was lucky that I had an amazing person come into my life who showed me that the kink part of me wasn't bad and that actually it was part of the whole me. So. No more hiding. I'd much rather have the whole of me able to exist rather than keeping half of it in the shadows out of sight. And I feel a lot better for it. D. | |
| 4 Jan 12, 2:34 AM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
This is a lovely post. I think this is a fantastic example of coming out being a constructive and useful experience. Good on ya (I think the key thing to identify before coming out is why you want to do it and I guess in this case, you don't feel like you're living a "half life" anymore. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice Edited 4 Jan 12, 2:36 AM by totallycoverme |
