MaleDominantCrowd's profile . MaleDominantCrowd group posts
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| NimueBanditQueen |
on Mon 26 Dec 11, 10:31 AM to the MaleDominantCrowd group.
I have seen a few discussions on blogs about who should 'make the first move' on IC if there is a person one likes - probably it will come as no surprise to anyone that femsub/maledom types tended to fall strongly along traditional lines of expectations of the man making the first move and doing the chasing.
I seem to be fairly alone in not being content to sit back and wait and leave my chances of happiness up to blind fate.
I tend to be fairly forthright as well in telling a person nice things, if I think they are true - I stopped two women at work the other day to tell them what a pretty picture they made as they stood there chatting... that's not unusual for me to do but I know people often (sadly) find such behaviour odd until they get to know me. I wonder if it can be seen as insincere flattery to those who don't know me? Would that seem off-putting? Make me seem like merely a 'player'? Raise suspicions that I am not fussy or might be saying the same to other people? (I am a one-man woman and as such only ever talk closely with one person at a time.) In short I wonder if I am tending to give the wrong impression or be off-putting?
In part I am wondering this because a domme friend of mine recently recommended a book to called 'The Rules'. Supposedly it tells you all about how to 'snare' a man. 
This smacks of insincerity and manipulation to me... why would I want to 'snare' someone? Furthermore it seemed entirely pointless. If I followed someone else's rules and thus pretended to be other than I am, even if it 'made' someone like me, it wouldn't truly be me they liked, would it?
For myself, my mind is made up. I will be liked for who I am, flaws and all, or not at all. I do wonder though if this comes across as a less submissive attitude to take?
Any thoughts, anyone?
| 1 Jan 12, 4:54 PM kernowjarl UK(LS), 6 yrs |
Personally I prefer the femsub to make the first move, but then I'm a lazy old sod! The Rules sounds like it has come from across the Pond, from our American cousins, who have made a success of making themselves unhappy with their lives. Which in turn has led to a lot of "life-style" gurus making a fortune out of all these dissatisfied people. Whereas if they had listened to their mother's advice they'd be a lot happier. If it doesn't feel right for you, then follow your own intuition and don't do it! | |
| 1 Jan 12, 5:09 PM Purvection UK(M), 8 yrs     |
It's am American book that came out in the mid-90s. The Americans seem to go for more regulated dating anyway, such as dating several people at a time until you decide to go steady with one, or not having more than 2 drinks on a date lest your date thinks you have "alcohol issues", etc, but this book takes it to the extreme. It's full of guff about not talking to a man first but waiting for him to approach you, not ringing the man after the date but waiting for him to ring you (but if you must ring it should only be at least 3 days later), not having sex until about the 10th date, etc. About the only thing I agree with in the book is their rule about not trying to change a man. The rest is outdated, sexist nonsense. It a lot of press coverage here when it was published but it didn't really take off as it's not how we date here and most British women aren't into the sort of dedicated ensnarement it advocates. I suppose it might suit those looking for a "1950s household" type relationship though. Aut disce aut discede. Manet sors tertia caedi | |
| 4 Jan 12, 2:45 PM Tanos  UK(M), 14 yrs   |
"The Rules" are a really good way for a submissive woman to make a dominant man think she's not worth his time :T:
www.tanos.org.uk | |
| 16 Jan 12, 11:12 PM Lightandshade UK(E), 21 mths |
I read some of "The Rules" and hated it...manipulative tripe. If I thought that a woman was trying out those ideas on me then she wouldn't see me for dust. Incidentally, one of the women that wrote it got her teeth "fixed" and it went so wrong that she ended up looking like a horse. I LOVE it when a sub takes an interest in me and takes the initiative...I wish it happened more often. | |
| 16 Jan 12, 11:57 PM Siglorel UK(RG), 11 mths |
Be yourself... anyone worth knowing will want that.... See worlds on worlds compose one universe, observe how system into system runs | |
| 21 Jan 12, 9:20 PM Masters_Delight UK(WD), 5 yrs |
I memo'd Sir first and i also memo'd other Doms when i first joined the site.
I don't see anything wrong with a sub approaching a Dom and if a Dom does see something wrong with that then they arn't for me, which is good thing imo. I'm so fucking fabulous, i piss glitter. | |
| 1 Feb 12, 10:15 AM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
I think there's a similar publication for vanilla men called "The Game"; never read it so I might be talking our my posterior, but it seems to be all about techniques for courtship, treating the object of one's affections as being predictable and manipulable. I really don't like the idea of artifice or pretence in this sort of situation. Sorry if this is a slight tangent and not very on topic for a male dom discussion group ... "Wisdom begins in wonder” (Socrates) Edited 1 Feb 12, 10:16 AM by wonderer | |
| 10 Feb 12, 5:13 PM ATA_21 UK(S), 21 mths |
Nothing wrong with that at all, I like it when a girl makes some effort to get to know me rather than expecting me to do all of the work. As a man I like to be in control and usually make the first move (in every step of the relationship) but I prefer girls who are open and honest about how they feel rather than sneaky and manipulative. I agree that the book "The Rules" is full of sexist bullshit. As soon as I sniff any kind of game playing as suggested in the book I will just forget about the girl and move on. If you really need to use tricks to "snare" a guy you must not have a great personality. I've also read "The Game" and that's just as bad. | |
| 13 Mar 12, 6:20 PM Filth_Wizard UK(RM), 8 yrs |
I don't think submission has to run through every part of someone; I like to be approached by folk just as much as I like to approach them. This country needs an enema. | |
| 12 May 12, 11:04 PM Robertzero UK(NG), 4 mths |
The person who wants to make the first move makes the first move. There is no hard and fast rule. Doms might, Subs might, TV's might. I know I am very pee'ed off when I look back and see the opportunities I missed because I miss-read them or just hadn't the 'balls' to say something. So my 'rule' is, don't wait and don't despair. if you are a sub and you make it plain you want to swerve someone and they are too stupid to accept you; move on. They are stupid. If you are Dom and the obvious sub does not want to serve you; move on. It doesn't mean you are worth less or that you have got your own psyche wrong. There will be someone for you, and they will love you and be there. |
