This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 31 Dec 11, 1:15 PM Ms_Valentine UK, 9 yrs  |
I have been thinking that the idea of compromise might work differently when applied to different bdsm relationships. In mine, the prime and overriding context is one of 24/7 D/s. Almost any kink activity could be compromised on but not the D/s and its being complete, full time and unending. However, if my relationship were not full time or cohabiting, but based more on bdsm activities, I could see that it would be difficult to compromise. If your favourite thing was caning and the sub said absolutely no way, then I think it could be hard to see a realistic way for both people to end up with a happy compromise. So, an activity like caning could be as important as D/s is to me. What if the issue were pushing limits? I can take or leave trying to push subs to take more pain for me. If they are happy with a little pain, I can be too. I don't have any need to try to get more and more from them. So, I could easily compromise on the lengths to which I would take things. I am not a thrill seeker so much as a controller and so could give up pushing limits as long as I had control. However, some people like to be pushed and that is not me so they would be bored with me and may not be able to compromise on that feeling that they can be pushed to do anything. My tastes are fairly mainstream within kink so I would be a compromise too far for those who loved more edgy and 'danger' driven activities as I would neither enjoy nor like the responsibility for too much real risk. Dominant partner in an FLR with @paulss | |
| 22 Jan 12, 9:31 PM Witchy_Wench UK, 4 yrs |
Compromise is something that we have had to deal with. We have a fantastic relationship in every way, except for Him having a fetish that I absolutely can't stand and which completely turns me off, but for Him it is an absolute need. It has nearly split us up several times but everything else is so perfect that we keep trying to find ways to make it work. Sometimes I can endure it; sometimes I really cannot and then He has to endure doing without it. Not exactly ideal, but that is the choice we have made. I don't misbehave - my actions are just misinterpreted. Sane ego te vocavi. forsitan capedictum tuum desit | |
| 22 Jan 12, 10:46 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs  |
The only thing that really matters is the structure of the reltaionship and how submissive he can make me feel inn my mind although if it were that but no sexual intercourse ever or no BDSM activities at all I might not be quite so happy plus I must must like the man, enjoy talking to him and all the usual vanilla stuff. I could forgo say anal sex if he weren't into that or oral sex or all kinds of stuff. I would need a bit of pain that he also enjoys. Most of all control and his desire for that control is fundamental and without his desire for that I am utterly uninterested in him and not aroused. The D/s side uber alles I suppose. As I'm very submissiev I don't want a man to do things to please me. I like someone who might decide what we do or control what I wear, how I look, what I weigh etc etc . If he had no interest in control at all and did it to please me it would wear off and not be good for either of us, he would be conning me in a sense, and I bet it would die away. Whereas were he fundamentally so then it would endure as long as the sexual interest remained and we liked each other.
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