This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Mon 26 Dec 11, 8:57 AM MyBeautifulSelfish UK(M), 2 yrs  |
How far would you be prepared to go in compromising your kink interests for the sake of a relationship that may otherwise be perfect? Just as an example you may have an interest in caning as a form of chastisement but your partner does not. Would you be prepared to give that up? Which are more important to you, the structure of the relationship ie that one leads and the other follows, or that you are able to partake in the activities that interest you? Finally, how far are you prepared to go in meeting a partner or potential partner half way if they express an interest in something that really does not "float your boat" at all? Edited Mon 26 Dec 11, 8:59 AM by MyBeautifulSelfish | |
| 26 Dec 11, 9:26 AM NimueBanditQueen UK(MK), 2 yrs  |
Ooh what a good question. I think I would find quite easy to give up things that I personally was interested in, but that may be because although there are things I have enjoyed, I have no really strong attachments for a particular activity other than that the other person leads. So for me, the answer to the first question is definitely the structure of the relationship. The second question though would entirely depend on the potential 'squick' factor of said activity, and whether it would be offset by enough that I did enjoy. If they had a single strongly overriding interest I think that could come to feel very limiting very quickly and so I would hesitate to go for that as I think that could dim the happiness and doom the relationship sooner or later. If it was one of many things and the rest had a good balance of mutual enjoyment it would be easier to contemplate. Of course it entirely depends on how much it would push boundaries, how far and how often. In the end I think it is important to try and find someone who is a fair match to your interests and temperament - it seems the most likely way to find long-term happiness.
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| 26 Dec 11, 9:31 AM prettyPETunia UK(WS), 4 yrs |
First thoughts are, if there has to be compromise in a lot of things, say, all 3 things above, then the least I would be thinking is "are we compatible" ? However if the general flow of the relationship is right I would able to compromise on all 3. I would hope that the domme would notice the compromise in me and appreciate it. If not, its likely I would start to drift If love is blind I need to find a cane | |
| 26 Dec 11, 9:34 AM NickiB UK(BS), 3 yrs |
Surely any relationship is an inevitable series of compromises.. The issue is perhaps if, overall, one party gives away more of what they desire than the other, then it's not healthy for the longevity of the relationship? Nicki | |
| 26 Dec 11, 9:36 AM prettyPETunia UK(WS), 4 yrs |
If love is blind I need to find a cane | |
| 26 Dec 11, 9:39 AM NickiB UK(BS), 3 yrs |
We were posting at roughly the same time..  Nicki | |
| 26 Dec 11, 9:52 AM MsBorgia_and_Mrk UK, 7 mths |
I agree with this. I am beginning to get attached to certain activities, but on the whole it's about control most of the time and a certain mindset, so the activity is a tool. Same with materials such as rubber or whatever. Another thing I've found is that some activities do give me that control aspect and are also a sexual turn on. These things shift and develop though. In terms of how far I am willing to compromise, I find that if I get on with someone it does not feel like a compromise so I am quite happy and flexible in terms of activities. The only activities I would definitely say no to are ones I consider unsafe/damaging. Other than that the other thing that is a deal breaker for me is people who have extremely particular fantasies and are interested in only one or two activities. That would feel like a compromise.
Edited 26 Dec 11, 9:53 AM by MsBorgia_and_Mrk | |
| 26 Dec 11, 9:54 AM MsPhersephonne UK(BN), 2 yrs |
Compromise is a hard word for me. I have always had the belief that compromise means either one or two parties do not get what they truely desire, kink or nilla.
In kink i am very open minded as a D,will try things with other previously that did not ignite that 'evil' spark in my eye, as each person is different. however would i compromise my desires for another, no, but thats probably why i do not seek relationdhops either. "I'm really sorry you have to die." ENTJ | |
| 26 Dec 11, 9:59 AM karena UK(CW), 6 yrs |
^^Agree with this completely^^
"Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater." - Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer | |
| 26 Dec 11, 10:22 AM FreeKinker UK(PE), 10 yrs |
To me the original definition of a fetish was an activity or object one had to have in order to achieve sexual satisfaction. In that sense few of us really have fetishes I would suggest. Someone who is a fetishist in this sense will be selfish in the sense that they must have that object or activity for a successful relationship. A relationship between two fetishists is only going to work so lonk as their fetishes are complimentary surely? A relationship is more about wanting to please one's partner as well as oneself, therfore in a relationship one is more open to negoiation, accomodating ones partner etc. I think the healthy thing is to know where you fall in the spectrum. Is a particular activity or object a deal maker or breaker for you? And the second thing is judging whether your potential partner is interested in your needs as well as their own. It may be one thing to give up one activity, but another to have a successful relationship with someone who is totally inflexible about their sexuality. There are things I would like to experiance which I put aside because it is better for the sake of our relationship. I can't think of any real relationship in which this would not be the case. The grass may look greener elsewhere, but would it really be?
vMaster aka Mike
Web Site: http://www.vmaster.me.uk/ | |
| 26 Dec 11, 10:31 AM MyBeautifulSelfish UK(M), 2 yrs |
This is why I purposefully avoided using the word "fetish" in my original post, preferring "activity" instead. |
