| 21 Dec 11, 6:54 PM DrTaps AQ, 10 yrs  |
Not sure how this could be seen as anything other than cheating, just like it would be in vanilla relationships. If your partner doesn't know and accept that you are taking part in sexual activities with someone else, then you are cheating on them. People objecting to that description are either deluding themselves or fighting a guilty conscience or so focused on their own needs. I know some people will insist that bdsm is not sexual but it is certainly physically intimate if it involves s/m and emotionally intimate if it involves d/s. Perhaps some bondage is not intimate though some certainly is. Discipline is pretty emotionally intimate. I have sympathy for those in vanilla relationships who feel a need for bdsm but cannot indulge it for whatever reason. Been there, done that. But if your partner(s) don't know and agree if you indulging this need with someone else, then you are cheating on them. I can even sympathise with those who can't stop themselves fulfilling their needs in that way. But not with trying to pretend it is somehow not cheating just because it is bdsm. Call it what it is and remember you may stand to hurt two people when it comes out (as it so often does) and lose whatever it is about the non-bdsm relationship you are trying to save by cheating and the bdsm you have found an outlet for. You might even end up hurting yourself and regretting it. Always always be sure that the worst possible consequences of discovery are worth the present gains from doing things behind your partner's back. Edited 21 Dec 11, 6:59 PM by DrTaps | ||
| 21 Dec 11, 10:58 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
Agree with this. Also agree that @othyim is entirely entitled to her more judgmental view. Of course it's cheating. Trying to justify it in some circumstances, or being sympathetic about it one thing, and a fruitful area of major disagreement on IC, but there's no use pretending you don't have to call a spade a spade: If you don't tell and your partner doesn't know, it's cheating. Durr. What's being flamed, by the way?
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| 21 Dec 11, 11:41 PM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs |
Oh goodness, this again!!! I have only ever been shocked at something on IC once, and that was very recently, when I discovered that so many people, some of whom I thought highly of, considered 'Informed Consent' to be a 'practice', which they could take or leave, use selectively, or ignore if they wanted to, rather than a guiding 'principle'. I'm still not completely over the fact. Being truthful liberates us. Lying imprisons us. How some people can fail to recognise a prison when they see it from the inside is beyond me. But there you go. We live and learn. Its not judgementalism on my part when I say I'm glad I don't have their karma. Edited 21 Dec 11, 11:45 PM by Grownup_Frankie |
