Love (95)

I have already given some of my views on love, and on marriage too in fact, on other threads on which I have posted (see my posts on 'Please Don't Like Me Too Much!!', 'How Long Does Love Last?' and 'Giving Up Careers.') and I have already suggested, too, that there is more than one way to love. I believe this to be true (see above posts). I have even quoted myself (strong penchant that I have for (hopefully) edifying, interesting, sometimes even amusing quotes and similar, as I have warned elsewhere - lol! (see my own thread 'A FRIEND IS ..')) - I have self-quoted elsewhere a motto (if you care to call it that) about the nature of love. It is one which I sometimes use on my business stationery and elsewhere (as I have also mentioned on other posts) and on which some of my clients have commented (I am a Mental and Spiritual Healer) :-

And even though one poster on the thread 'Please Don't Like Me Too Much!!' has effectively described this as 'cheese' (see my posted reply to that, btw), yet I still believe this to be true and do try to live by it.

The song quote which heads my post here (from, admittedly, a rather corny old song (!)) seems to suggest, if you look at the entire song lyric, that 'true love' (if one believes in that) comes only once to each of us in a lifetime, that we must seize it with both hands, or else - the song seems to be saying - all is lost. This is an idea which has, throughout the ages, been popular with poets and 'romantic' artists and musicians. But is it true? I myself do not believe so - fortunately! UK pop group Gerry and the Pacemakers, in 1964 (yes, I can even go back that far - lol!) put it very well, I think:-

Absolutely! NEVER, in my view, could one, or should one, wallow in self-pity or regret. I have posted about this also. I could, of course, go on quoting song lyrics on the subject of love forever; I'm sure we all could - but I won't ('thank goodness for that' did I hear someone say?). It is, after all, far and away the most common subject matter and material of a million twentieth century and twenty-first century popular songs. It probably will always be so. I wonder why??

I myself have fallen genuinely in love several times in (what I may call) my long and varied life. Each time was different, of course. It always is. Not many of these occasions, I would have to say, led to an actual relationship, though - or at least, not one that had any real hope of lasting five minutes. In the case of the earliest of these, I was very young (as were the girls also). But I was no youngster when I got married. And, for a time, we both genuinely loved each other and were happy. But this did not last. What irreparably destroyed our marriage was not another woman (in my case), nor another man (in hers). Nothing so simple. Nothing so obvious. To discuss all this would take up, probably, a whole vast thread all by itself; perhaps even a book (!) ... I shan't do that; not here, at any rate, on this open forum - you may be relieved to hear (!).

Since my wife and I separated, nearly three years ago now, I have had a few still more disappointments. There may be yet even more in store. Who knows? C'es l'amour! I have had a couple of really lovely lady email friends in the BBW (= big beautiful women) community. I have had a strong attraction to large, even very large, ladies, in fact, for much of my life (though I have never actually had such a lady as my wife or lover). This is not to say that I do not also like slimmer ladies. Both of these very lovely large lady email friends were American ladies, living in the US. And there was the problem, really - the Atlantic Ocean between us. C'es la monde! Both relationships are now over - lovely though they both were while they lasted.

I have since, on other (if you will, more 'vanilla') dating sites, had ladies in their 50s and 60s writing to me. Though this is nearer my age group, I do not want a lady that age - for various reasons (one of which is NOT, btw, crude male chauvinism). I have had bisexuals and couples, even gay men writing to me. But, as I am strictly hetero, this does not interest me at all. I have even had married ladies writing to me, looking for 'a bit on the side'. As I have confided to another IC member recently at a party (who was not a married lady, btw, nor 'looking for a bit on the side'); a bit of adultery on the side (for that is what it would be) is not for me. And, alas, I have even had several, as they presently turned out to be, 'scam artists' write to me - who were seeking nothing more than money in the end. I do not fall for that old 'chestnut'.

Do I now seek another liflelong relationship commitment? It would be just a little absurd (don't you think?) to be thinking about that at this point in time in this community. As I have also confided privately to other IC members, and I have suggested in posts elsewhere, it takes time even to build a nice friendship with a lady partner or playmate. 'Rome was not built in a day' (I'll spare you my own oft-repeated little jocular pun on that one - lol!). All worthwhile things in life do take time to build, do they not?

Religion, distance, age differences (as the thread starter asks us)? No; none of these, in themselves, need be an immovable barrier to a relationship, or even - dare I say - to true love ... provided, of course, that this grows naturally and spontaneously, without deceit or falsehood on both sides. The first girl I ever loved (so long ago, when I was 16) lived in Italy. My wife, in fact, was Filipino (as I have mentioned on other posts) and we wrote to each other extensively before I went out there to meet her. The distance (which disappeared, anyway, of course, when she came to UK and we married) was not the reason why it eventually failed. Neither was any presumed difference in culture, or the difference in ethnicities. These were, always have been, non-issues for me.

I am myself a committed Christian (though I have not always been so), yet I have had some lovely female friends who were atheists, and even Hindus or Sikhs. I was once (albeit very briefly) engaged, some years ago now, to an Indian Hindu lady. I also have close friends, of both sexes, who are Moslems. Religion, I believe, is a private and personal matter - and certainly not something which should be rammed down another's throat. Neither is it, I believe, nor should be (any more than nationality or race or even political views - provided these last are not extreme) a barrier to love. Why should it be? We are, after all, first and foremost, human beings; the most important race for fellow human beings being just that: the human race.

And, btw, I have no difficulty, as a practising Christian, with INFORMED CONSENT. Why should I?

"Love conquers all"? - well, perhaps that may be a little naiive. However, in spite of everything, I still have NOT stopped believing in love (as I have also posted elsewhere). I never will.

Just one more (this time, annotated) song quote, if I may, to leave you with :-

Thank you all for 'listening' ...

- bluemagic

"When the bottom falls out of your world - Take 'Andrew's' (liver salts) and, instead ... Let the world fall out of your bottom. "

Yes.

In our case it was the significant age difference. She began to want something I could not give her – a family. Everything else was better than good.

I made the decision, I held her close, still do, and helped us both through the transition. She is free and flying now.

It is possible to complete with elegance, style and respect. And love.

Absolutely! I'll make a note of that one! It's excellent advice. Are these your own words, The Scorpion; or is it a quote (if so, do you know the source?)?

- bluemagic

"When the bottom falls out of your world - Take 'Andrew's' (liver salts) and, instead ... Let the world fall out of your bottom. "

Respect, honesty, trust, understanding, admiration, and enjoying each others company are but a few.

Yes, I have split up with someone who I loved and they loved me, because I could see that it wasn't a healthy relationship for either of us. We are still friends and I still care for him deeply,and for that I am grateful.

=================================================== ===========
www.MENinROPE.com *Does exactly what it says on the tin*