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Love (95)

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Mon 19 Dec 11, 5:39 PM
lonely_78
UK(NN), 9 mths
Anyone ever been in a situation that you love someone so much but know it wouldn't work out?

It could be age, distance or even religion. It's sometimes very hard to follow the head when the heart is screaming to be free.

What do you do? How did you cope? Does anyone really follow the head??

19 Dec 11, 5:51 PM
chartreuse
UK(BA), 6 yrs

lonely_78 wrote:
Love

Anyone ever been in a situation that you love someone so much but know it wouldn't work out?

It could be age, distance or even religion. It's sometimes very hard to follow the head when the heart is screaming to be free.

What do you do? How did you cope? Does anyone really follow the head??

Yes... and not for any of the reasons you have stated above.

Love is a feeling, recognising that the person you love isn't going to make you happy is never an easy thing to accept but... it's better to know that you loved them and let them go than to watch it fall into the abyss of resentment, frustration and heartache.

@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page, you might give the advice that someone needs. / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Conserve conversation and converse about conservation!

19 Dec 11, 5:56 PM
Miss_L_J
UK(N), 3 yrs
chartreuse wrote:
lonely_78 wrote:
Love

Anyone ever been in a situation that you love someone so much but know it wouldn't work out?

It could be age, distance or even religion. It's sometimes very hard to follow the head when the heart is screaming to be free.

What do you do? How did you cope? Does anyone really follow the head??

Yes... and not for any of the reasons you have stated above.

Love is a feeling, recognising that the person you love isn't going to make you happy is never an easy thing to accept but... it's better to know that you loved them and let them go than to watch it fall into the abyss of resentment, frustration and heartache.

Couldn't agree more. And yes I've been in the situation, I would imagine many people have.

19 Dec 11, 6:03 PM
Bazinga_Punk
UK(CM), 4 yrs
Yes, I think we all have, I think accepting it and giving yourself time is they key. Time heals all wounds.
19 Dec 11, 6:06 PM
lonely_78
UK(NN), 9 mths
I can imagine many have been in that situation but it's awfully lonely, when feeling you don't know what the right thing is.

I feel like a teenager yet the adult part of my brain is just leave it be.

misslollirot wrote:
chartreuse wrote:
lonely_78 wrote:
Love

Anyone ever been in a situation that you love someone so much but know it wouldn't work out?

It could be age, distance or even religion. It's sometimes very hard to follow the head when the heart is screaming to be free.

What do you do? How did you cope? Does anyone really follow the head??

Yes... and not for any of the reasons you have stated above.

Love is a feeling, recognising that the person you love isn't going to make you happy is never an easy thing to accept but... it's better to know that you loved them and let them go than to watch it fall into the abyss of resentment, frustration and heartache.

Couldn't agree more. And yes I've been in the situation, I would imagine many people have.

19 Dec 11, 6:09 PM
fitzcaraldo
UK(BA), 6 yrs

In true love logical thought is always excluded to some degree :

One never accepts at the time that it won't work out, all the indicators are ignored or diminished on the grounds that ones feelings are 'right' and all the other stuff is irrelevant.

Once the acceptance that it's a disaster is recognised, 'getting over it' is a whole other thing.

I guess it's a bit like giving up smoking , set targets , 2hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, until one wakes up one day finding thinking about it is actually manageable rather than taking over the entire universe of thought.

I've always thought it rather sad when someone uses the bitter & twisted exit route , I would say in that event it wasn't true love at all but self indulgence .

The only person in my past that I don't retain thoughts of entirely fondly , is one that turned out to be a first class materialist with a self interest agenda second to none ! Even there , I think wasn't I lucky to get out of something that wasn't what I wanted it to be !

Fitz.

Escaped from the parallel universe

19 Dec 11, 6:11 PM
Ama_Sidero
UK(GU), 7 yrs


lonely_78 wrote:
Love

Anyone ever been in a situation that you love someone so much but know it wouldn't work out?

It could be age, distance or even religion. It's sometimes very hard to follow the head when the heart is screaming to be free.

What do you do? How did you cope? Does anyone really follow the head??

See, I'm a bit of an optimist. I think things "wouldn't work out" only because people aren't willing to try hard enough, or make necessary changes, or compromises.

That is fine, but I just think it's fairer to call a spade a spade. Something doesn't "not work out" because of a religion, but because people won't sacrifice theirs or live with someone elses. Age? Embarressed to be seen together or too old for chldren? Adopt. Do without. Distance? Move.

This life is very short. While it is wise to live it in a positive way, it is too short to not take advantage of the brief moments of ecstatic happiness we are granted in this grim place.

Of course, it is good if they love you back as much. That could be a slight problem if they are using the above as an excuse and not a genuine obstacle. (Just a general observation and not meaning you & yours).

Good luck. :-)

ETA: the other posts presume disaster has happened. Maybe it has...

@Play_Space - Next party is Friday, January 6, 2012 and the first Friday of every month!
Road Trip to the Sea!!! The October trip has tJust elapsed...More info here.

Edited 19 Dec 11, 6:12 PM by Ama_Sidero

19 Dec 11, 6:26 PM
chartreuse
UK(BA), 6 yrs

We might see some traits in another person that we admire greatly... we might think we can accept the things that niggle us a little bit, we might think that the object of our affections will be all that we want them to be (because we hope they will be). We like to win a challenge and emerge the victor BUT... if something is flawed from the start, if something is worked at but still fails to provide peace of mind and happiness for both, we then have to decide if what we want is worth the sacrifices we might have to make in order to keep it.

If the sacrifices are too much for us to make, if the sacrifices won't make us happy, if the compromises needed to make it work are too difficult to make... the adult decision (the one that is best for our own well-being) is the most mature route to take - making a decision when in a "teenage state of mind" will not benefit either person.

The head will tell the heart what it should be hearing, the heart ignores it at your peril.

@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page, you might give the advice that someone needs. / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Conserve conversation and converse about conservation!

19 Dec 11, 6:29 PM
lonely_78
UK(NN), 9 mths
Gosh - lucky that my head is speaking in abdundance at the moment.

I do admire people that just take the jump and see where the land, but it's not me.

19 Dec 11, 6:30 PM
A_Very_Good_Girl
UK(WC), 8 mths
Ama_Elf wrote:
See, I'm a bit of an optimist. I think things "wouldn't work out" only because people aren't willing to try hard enough, or make necessary changes, or compromises.

That is fine, but I just think it's fairer to call a spade a spade. Something doesn't "not work out" because of a religion, but because people won't sacrifice theirs or live with someone elses. Age? Embarressed to be seen together or too old for chldren? Adopt. Do without. Distance? Move.

I agree with you.

19 Dec 11, 6:35 PM
etty_face
UK(S), 4 yrs
I'm not brave enough to share my story regarding this but my head won.

Sometimes I feel I don't cope.

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