What constitutes bullying ? (96)

I'm old fashioned, and remember the pre-internet days when bullying meant someone threatening to steal your lunch money in the playground.

Which is not to say that I don't think cyber bullying exists - I'm just puzzled by what it is, and how it's defined.

For example, what I and others might refer to as a ' robust and frank exchange of views ' others might see as bullying.

For me, bullying involves some ( if not all ) of these things:

Open hostility on the threads.

Mocking, and snide comments.

Nasty private memo's.

Trying to persuade other people to join in.

Spreading of lies to make the other person seem worse than they are.

What does everyone else think ? Any different views ?

" Pow ! Right in the kisser ! "

Edited Sat 17 Dec 11, 12:01 PM by AshUK

I think there are two aspects - there are some physical acts which are illegal (this is all very similar to the other thread actually on whether the Government should change the law to make it illegal to engage in verbal bullying at home, over control by men of women etc); secondly there are the people with the egg shell minds - give them one nasty look and they are in tears to HR because Mr X dared to say they were late for work or their frock looks awful.

Thirdly there is really nasty verbal stuff which most people wouldn't think is reasonable.

I have never felt bullied on here. It's only words on the page. If anyhone is hurt by words on a pubilc web board they should go and post somewhere else or don't post or don't read or get therapy.

I was in my view not treated that well by my ex husband but I wouldn't even use the word "abuse" for that as it's a cery strong word and I think the word abuse is abused and diminished when it's used about things which are not too bad.

The large group of people on the other hand probably didn't realise it was a large group of people against one individual....

A difficulty of the internet.

Now if that is the case then what you and I stand for is against cyber bullying. However I know that I have been accused of doing this on another forum. My intention wasn't to harm but to get a clear answer. To get someone who had been spouting information that was both inaccurate and insulting to either put up evidence in support or to shut the f up. I constantly on that forum brought up the debate every time the person in question spouted the rubbish yet again. This is why the admin there banned me for a cooling period. Ironically the person I had been challenging continued to get away with the insults until they escalated so badly that others joined in the call to challenge, none of them were banned.

I guess that for me bullying is insults intended to offend, racism, fattism, etc anything that the writer knows will cause upset and offense on a continuous basis. I don't think that bullying is challenging someone in a debate. Even if the challenge then spreads over several other threads if it is relevant to the debate on them. Direct attacks such as I have had leveled at me regarding my faith or you (@AshUK) have had regarding your writing could be seen as bullying but I also think in those instances the bullying would only be termed as such if we had the mind set to call it such, the fact that we dump such behavior directed to ourselves in the “idiot brigade bin” doesn't mean that another person wouldn't have got very upset and labeled it cyber bullying.

Please excuse any grammatical mistakes, dosed up on diazepam.

lily
If what I have written above makes no sense then just ignore me, normal service will be resumed one day.

Edited 17 Dec 11, 12:20 PM by lilybee

Ultimately, I think that this is a self-defining proposition; if a person feels that they have been bullied, then they have. It may be that, in some cases, others would see them as having too thin a skin, but that is part of the whole bullying thing – it's no fun picking on people who are self-assured and who won't be affected.

Not an easy subject to be definite about and these are just my own thoughts. I have been on the receiving end both as a child and on here – it's ugly stuff but I don't think there are any easy answers. However, telling people who have been bullied to 'man (or woman) up' I think is missing the point somewhat. As I said, this is just my opinion.

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

I suppose where I struggle with it - is if I have been perhaps a bit curt or abrupt with someone, and they have interpreted this as bullying and run off to Admin, or cried ' foul ' on the boards etc ( not that this has happened, it's just an example ) does that automatically make me a bully ? Certainly in that instance I'd feel like telling them to ' man up and deal with it ' ...

As I said before, I don't mind ( in fact I enjoy ) a bit of robust debate. And while I know I can come across as aggressive at times, I'd hate to think I was a bully.

" Pow ! Right in the kisser ! "

If I mention that most people find fat people sexually unattractive (which is a fact) and that fat people might feel better and would certainly look better if they lost the weight that might make

person 1 cry all day and

person 2 go out for a run and

person 3 say big is beautiful.

I would be unhappy with sites which prohibit people from stating facts. I don't think I have or ever would though go to a particular person, look at their profile, see that they have a weight problem or look awful or the other way round find that they are 6 stone and on death's door from anorexia and then post a comment on a thread directed at that person specifically. I don't even post about men I meet. I try not to direct things at people. That's the personal line I draw.

I found this article really useful

"What is cyber bullying definition?

cyber bullying definition of cyber-bullying is "when the Internet, cell phones or other devices are used to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person."[ StopCyberbullying.org, an expert organization dedicated to internet safety, security and privacy, defines cyberbullying as: "a situation when a child, tween or teen is repeatedly 'tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted' by another child or teenager using text messaging, email, instant messaging or any other type of digital technology." Other researchers use similar language to describe the phenomenon. understand cyber bullying definition

cyber bullying definition can be as simple as continuing to send e-mail to someone who has said they want no further contact with the sender, but it may also include threats, sexual remarks, pejorative labels (i.e., hate speech), ganging up on victims by making them the subject of ridicule in forums, and posting false statements as fact aimed at humiliation.

Cyber-bullies may disclose victims' personal data (e.g. real name, address, or workplace/schools) at websites or forums or may pose as the identity of a victim for the purpose of publishing material in their name that defames or ridicules them. Some cyberbullies may also send threatening and harassing emails and instant messages to the victims, while other post rumors or gossip and instigate others to dislike and gang up on the target.

Though the use of sexual remarks and threats are sometimes present in cyber-bullying, it is not the same as sexual harassment and does not necessarily involve sexual predators. While the behavior is identified by the same definition in adults, the distinction in age groups is referred to as cyberstalking or cyberharassment when perpetrated by adults toward adults, sometimes directed on the basis of sex. Common tactics used by cyberstalkers are to vandalize a search engine or encyclopedia, to threaten a victim's earnings, employment, reputation, or safety. A repeated pattern of such actions against a target by an adult constitutes cyberstalking.

By personal thoughts are that bullies are themselves victims, but not like those on the recieving side fo their actions. They are victims of low self esteem and confidence, in oreder to make them selves feel good they need to belittle and torment others. Sad really.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." ~Buddha

So in effect you feel you are doing a Public Service Announcement with your fat posts? You can't see that how you actually post a lot of them can be misconstrued (if we take your definition from above as your true intent) because normally you have chosen to make them in a more personal note, I can think of at least one example here: http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/321133/0/... where it was said in such a way that offense rather than guidance could be taken?

I agree with you about some of the things you say regarding weight. My life would be healthier if I was lighter and if you posted in such a way that it wasn't offensive I'd be more inclined to listen. Sadly the way you do post could be considered bullying by some.

lily
If what I have written above makes no sense then just ignore me, normal service will be resumed one day.

I might point out when someone writes it's for its as that might help them learn for the future and is a free lesson in self improvement just as they mgiht tell me to gain 9 stone to attract all these men who supposedly like huge women, but I wouldn't I hope write - "Gosh, you're a thicko, what type of state school did you attend".

I think people should try to ensure things aren't personal if they can.

This was interesting, thanks.

If we use this definition though - does it mean that it's not in fact possible to bully adults ? The article only refers to children, teens or tweens ?

" Pow ! Right in the kisser ! "