BDSM: You grow out of it, really (20)

Fantastic piece of writing, I wondered where you'd been.

And yes, I identify with the sentiment.

Take care x

^^^ My favourite bits from the OP's blog... love them, and they say so much about what D/s should be about for me

There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good, to one who'll watch over me (Ella Fitzgerald, singing George Gershwin)

XxX

And sub insecurity takes so many forms. How many bitter tears I have shed because I wonder if I'm boring because I like it hard and mean and controlling best, and whether he can only be so harsh because he doesn't like me as much as the softer, maybe more feminine girls, who can't take so much and need more taking care of?

It must be about finding a fit, and there are so many different ways to do these things. A dom who you could sense was doing stuff that wasn't natural to him would be rubbish. I hadn't thought too much about that, but I guess it can't work if you are into different stuff. Unless, maybe, your submissiveness expresses itself as mine seems to in not wanting my choices to count and being happy to do stuff I don't like if at his command.

I don't have enough experience to know if that's just because it's him, or we are actually quite compatible or if I'll just obey anyone because I like the obedience for itself. I guess that would be the bdsm equivalent of being easy.

Btw, just how many of these ladies did it take to find the answers to these interesting questions??

i can massively relate to a lot about what you say here. some of it made me smile and see humour in it, other bits made me nod and think "yep, that is so true."

i think one of the biggest contrasts i have experienced so far is what bdsm meant to me when i began embracing it in comparison to what it means to me now. ultimately, the difference is certainly substantial.

i think that bdsm will always be a big thing in my life (it has been so far!) but yeah, a wealth of experiences definately changes your outlook and approach to it every now and then.

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

i think this is a good thing in the sense that, more people must be bored of a lot of the cliches of "the bdsm experience" than perhaps i (wrongly) assumed.

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

There does seem to be different reason why people come into the BDSM scene, and not everyone is completely honest about their reasons.

Sure there are dozens of subs & Doms to meet and have a play session with, and even to have a pleasant little collared play-relationship for a few weeks or months until the novelty wears off, but finding a truly compatible 'other' who really suits your own needs & desires is like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack.

I'm not sure whether I'd agree if people "grow out" of BDSM or if they become disillusioned with so many idiots, liars, cheats, & game-players in the scene, but it does seem to be a lesson that most people learn (eventually).

Some learn the lesson sooner than later, and so become disillusioned at the (dis)honesty & pretence of others and grow out of putting up with the bullshit.

Edited 23 Dec 11, 5:53 PM by Unholy_One

So much of who I was a few years ago was wrapped up in my ability to act and inability to say no. Its always so very frightning to realise that, how then do you relax and be yourself.

I personally am getting better in some ways and worse in others and so this blog does nothing more than give me hope for that inner peace so thank you.