This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Thu 15 Dec 11, 4:16 PM Sobri_Quet UK(N), 6 mths   |
If a person is submissive is their act of submission genuine? If I give another power over me and consent to submit to their wishes I do so with my consent of course but against my will. I do it because there is a thrill in putting myself in the hands of another. It is an unpleasant but thrilling sensation rather like being on a rollercoaster.Likewise the thrill for me in dominating another is to receive that power to know that I am in charge and trusted.It is understood that breach of trust or failure of submission may end the relationship and as such the trust is used wisely and with consideration. If the submissive desires to be hurt, humiliated, restrained then the 'dominant' isn't really so dominant after all. At best they are indulging their sadist tendencies but few Masters describe themselves as sadists. Is Master just a euphemism? Are the subs the true dominants in BDSM? I am interested in the dynamics of relationships here. Are most basically sadist/masochist relationships rather than true dominant/submissive? I speak as one excited by dominance and submission but not at all into pain (other than fairly vanilla spanks and nibbles). | |
| 15 Dec 11, 4:20 PM Tanos  UK(M), 14 yrs   |
(Would be good if replies avoided reacting to the word 'true' too much ...) :T: www.tanos.org.uk Edited 15 Dec 11, 4:21 PM by Tanos | |
| 15 Dec 11, 4:24 PM ToakReon UK(RH), 12 yrs |
Ah, but the word "true" is ALWAYS problematic on these boards. *UPDATE* Model(s) for "how to" bondage photographs (and other bondage photographs) have now been found. Thank you to all who showed interest. | |
| 15 Dec 11, 4:26 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
It never feels like against my will. It's a lovely mutually sexy and needed thing. He would need to dominate as much as I need to submit. We both get a lot out of it (when I have a man) I would never want a man to hurt me because he knows I want him to particularly if it's against his nature. In fact I always ask. I want to know. If someone is aroused by the thought and act of spanking a woman then he will impose that on me. If he hates the idea of it but does it to please me all pleasure for it for me goes. I want to please. I don't want to boss a man around and tell him what to do. I think it's much simpler than you're saying. Other than the initial choice and the fact that most dominants in good relationships hope to ensure both they and the sub are happy, the dom is clearly in charge.
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| 15 Dec 11, 4:30 PM hollythedolly UK(NN), 2 yrs  |
I think its pushing your own boundaries for the one that your with and the dom's strength is understanding that the submissive is trying there best. That looks as clear as mud. | |
| 15 Dec 11, 4:31 PM yickey4 UK(WS), 2 yrs |
My relationship is based first and foremost by love(ahh!) I am submissive she is dominant, for us its a 24/7 thing which covers our whole relationship. This has taken a long time to get to and rightly or wrongly I have tried things in the past that on reflection have been wrong ,daft or downright stupid. Part of this relationship does include being punished and yes pain is an important part of this. She enjoys the inflicting of pain I enjoy receiving pain, does this make me the domonant one ,I personally don't think so. Since becoming more involved with this site I have learnt a lot, the most important is that we are all individuals who see things differently and if at the end of the day we are happy it has to be right! Being happy in whatever we do must the goal. I am happy! Must go I have to cook tea before she comes home!! | |
| 15 Dec 11, 4:39 PM pleasureswitch UK(E), 6 yrs |
In answer to the OP It can be however You an X number of consentin adults want it to be. I really do believe it's best if the dynamic is self defined or not even defined at all. I don't need to know how I.C. works (in terms of computer code) to be able to use an enjoy it. I guess I'm at a point where I jus want to have some fun, labels can become very heavy to carry round. *************************************************** *********** oh an bein frivolous, I really want to run a sweep on this Thread to see how long before it falls into chaos. Top of page 4 ? "Yeah I like Kinky stuff,dirty dark pervy stuff,weird sex....
An' Yerself ?" | |
| 15 Dec 11, 4:47 PM Dev_sub CH, 6 mths |
I fully agree with this interpretation... I'm always trying my best to please my Dom while testing my boundaries, because I want to know how much I can take. The frustration is that I never know ahead how far we'll be able to go as my body reacts differently each time. Can this be trained so that there are less roller coaster rides? | |
| 15 Dec 11, 4:53 PM Rhoobarb UK(FK), 12 yrs |
My dominant has power over me, when he chooses. I don't choose when he will dictate to me what he, I or we will do. He takes charge when he wants to. At all other times decisions may be made by either one of us, but I am always aware that he can overrule me at any time, he can say "We're doing it this way" and unless I can prove to him it is better done my way, then his way it is. If we both also have a desire for a bit of S&M or bondage, it works out that he takes charge there too. Just because we do a bit of extreme sensation play, doesn't mean he is doing only what I want him to do, or when I want him to do it. If he doesn't want to do something, then he won't, no matter how I beg or try to manipulate him. I've learned that being submissive to someone means I accept what he won't do, as well as what he will. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
| 15 Dec 11, 4:54 PM yickey4 UK(WS), 2 yrs |
In reply to the last 2 posts, that how I feel. To be submissive means she decides what happens not me and part of the "pain" is the fact that she controls everything. | |
| 15 Dec 11, 5:00 PM Malbon UK(LS), 8 yrs |
It's a spectrum really. Some want to simply enjoy sensations as a bottom. Some want to experience submission as a provisional, temporary arrangement. Some want to live 24/7 as a submissive. Notions of what is "genuine" don't work particularly well, because you can only really evaluate that within your own mind, and your take on things may easily differ from others. It's simply a question of what people decide works for them. 'Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?' - Harry M. Warner, 1927 |
