This post is on the SM/Bondage/Fetish web board.
| 11 Dec 11, 11:27 PM Masterstroke  UK(WF), 7 yrs   |
You know you want me, give in and come to the dark side Make each Stroke count, it might just be your last | |
| 12 Dec 11, 12:35 AM Lady_Laurin UK, 6 mths |
I had terrific play sessions with strangers, being a stranger often added some erotic spice to the situation. First impressions can be powerful, and a conversation can build enough trust to make the night enjoyable. But such thing is what it is: a play session. At present I'm absolutely not interested in such scenarios. They lost their taste for me, and gave way for longing after something deeper. (Luckily!) It depends... your situation seems different. | |
| 12 Dec 11, 9:10 AM crystaltips UK(S), 5 yrs  |
I have a very close friend that I have tried to play with on 2 separate occasions - both of which were disastrous. It hurt, it was incredibly disappointing but our friendship survived - it took a hit, but we talked about what went wrong and after the second time, agreed we didn't ever want to try again. There were a few days when we weren't quite as comfortable with each other as before but they passed and our friendship survived. I think if I was going to play with a friend in future, I would include the possibility of it not working in the negotiation stage so all parties acknowledge it could happen and that it is important to you all that the friendship survives whatever the play outcome. | |
| 12 Dec 11, 11:29 AM presprout UK(NG), 4 yrs |
For me, over time, I've come to the view that I need to make a friendship/relationship in the context that I wish to pursue it, rather than to change the context of an existing relationship. I think you can reach a point in a friendship that to try to make that relationship something different can lead to tensions which otherwise might not have existed. It can also be deeply hurtful to have that relationship become more distant after a change in emphasis regarding the personal interaction. Sometimes, with friends who are genuine and close, it becomes a case of having too much to lose. There is some sort of attraction in every friendship (whether it be emotional, physical, or companionable even in relationships that are not sexual in any regard), witness our willingness to comfort and be comforted by our friends amongst other intimate gestures. It can upset the established status quo to significantly change the dynamic in such relationships - this often leaves one party or another in a different place regarding the nature of relationships, and can lead to uncertainty until a new balance is achieved. Very often, in my experience, this ultimately leads to a distance developing in the friendship. This has a place in a wider philosophy that I hold in that no one person can be everything to you, and no one friendship/relationship is the same. If I have a new aspect of my behaviour or personality that I want to explore, I do it by seeking new, like minded, people to undertake that activity with (for example, if you want to play tennis regularly, you don't make your friends learn to play tennis, you find people who play tennis and make friends with them). I tend not to enjoy unconnected play - although sometimes that connection can be there quickly (and urgently). There has to be a connection, a degree of matched mutual aspiration, and a desire to embark on a journey together. For me that works best with people who are to become new friends, rather than existing ones. | |
| 12 Dec 11, 11:53 AM SteveDuk UK(CM), 11 yrs |
For us it depends where the friends are from. We probably* wouldn't play with a friend that we met at work e.g. but people we've met on either the BDSM or Swinging scene can become friends. Sorry, that wasn't much help was it?
* never say never, eh @MediFet Medical Play group | |
| 12 Dec 11, 12:28 PM etty_face UK(S), 4 yrs |
I don't know how much difference it makes but a poly friend of ours has approached us. I'm keen but my partner is worried about the friendship aspect. I really am so appreciative of the responses so far- they are all food for thought. Thank you so very much. | |
| 12 Dec 11, 12:45 PM presprout UK(NG), 4 yrs |
You seem to be on the right track, you're talking to your partner, other potential play partners, and asking for advice. Work out how you feel about it, what your partner feels about it, and only do what you are both comfortable with. There's no right or wrong, only what works for the people involved. | |
| 12 Dec 11, 5:58 PM Rumburak UK(G), 16 mths |
I just add my penny to it. For me: friends only. These things are a matter of trust to me (especially that play with no sex is not so fun) and I like to feel safe, so I like to do it with people I know and trust. | |
| 12 Dec 11, 9:34 PM FreeKinker UK(PE), 10 yrs |
I think it is necessary to get to know people a little - if only to ensure safety and that you want the same things. There are plenty of people I have met who I would have regretted rushing into playing with. On the other hand close friendships can curiously turn to focus on social friendship and the play idea take second place if indeed it happens at all. We have had a few magic play times with friends, but on the whole getting to know people in the scene has led us into spending time socially with friends all beit in a kink friendly atmosphere. I wouldn't want to miss out on this, but it sometimes leaves me wishing there was more sceening we enjoyed together.
vMaster aka Mike
Web Site: http://www.vmaster.me.uk/ | |
| 13 Dec 11, 5:50 PM etty_face UK(S), 4 yrs |
Thank you for all your very honest and open answers. X x x |
