Posted by The_Bringing
on Sat 10 Dec 11, 7:24 PM to The_Bringing's blog.
Evening my friends,
Has been a crowded week, I find this time of year always seems to end up that way, almost as if the days speed up with a clammering to be done with this year, out with the old and in with the new.....
Even today, a much needed day off work was filled with Christmas stuff, buying, buying, why do we do this? No not going in that direction tonight....I'm of the bah humbug frame of mind and there I have firmly stayed most of my life.........I have no problem at all with others doing the jovial yo ho ho thing...don't mind at all. Love seeing various people enjoy themselves, I just wish they would not feel the urge to cajole me to join in,.....
Christmas is just not a good time of year for me, psychodynamically projected feeling often appear, always dark in nature, so much loss has occurred during my life at this time of year.........Too much to leave me jovial anyway......
Sooooo I was busy this week, I wanted to be busy, working, which is what I enjoy most these day, well there is the cute little arse which I get to see occasionally, and yes I do mean occasionally, so occasionally that during the last three months that I have almost forgotten the feel of her........almost......
Where was I? Drifting again......
Oh yes, work, done a serious amount of talking this week...twenty four session, more than I should really, but pre Christmas the troubled always seem to turn up, something about the time of year brings home the gentle truths of life for so many......
Imagine trying to balance the benefits of nose diving head first out the window of your fourteenth floor unfurnished flat....Balancing that ideal against spending yet another Christmas day alone staring at the ceiling from the mattress on the floor. The choice is stark, death or life? “Is this life?” you might ask of yourself, “Just feels like shit to me!” …......I concur with this view that life can at times, relatively easily be viewed as being shit! But then there is a consideration that the mattress in the otherwise empty flat was an improvement when compared with the Christmas day spent hiding in the farmers barn snuggled up against the prize Frisian for warmth......
I have learnt from you, from your knowledge that if one is fourteen years old, and want to stay away from the world because every adult you have ever known has hurt you, then the best place to find warmth is to lie down next to a cow in a field, “they don't mind,” you told me, “they never bother at all and they are really warm.”...He loves animals and dreams of working on a farm......You have had more than a few problems during this still young life......
He said to me just before as he was about to leave, “D'ya know why I keep coming back and talking to you? I was surprised by the question, not one I have often heard before, not that I recall..... “No,” I replied, “ I don't have a clue,” he looked back at me, his depression filled eyes still dead with the dark thoughts, “ Because all the time I have talked about topping myself you have never once said, think of those who would be left behind if you killed yourself and how would they feel. Your the first mental health person I've met who has not said that.”......
I smiled at him and said, “If you decide to live …..... I should imagine that you will want to live for yourself, perhaps that's how it should be eh?, will you be here next week?” He nodded and left, shambling down the clinical NHS corridor and out into the world he experiences as being shit.....for the moment.......Inwardly I thought to myself, he will be okay, one day....he has such guts..........
T.B
