BDSM ruined my life... (96)

The fact is that Doms are human and like the rest of humanity they are by definition far from perfect.If you are required,or indeed require,to give yourself 100% to another human then their faults are going to be magnified umpteen fold as you peer at them through the lense of a (In this case BDSM) telescope.

Now this may be an unfashionable,if not plain heretical thing to say,but a D/s relationship needs to be a two way street.A Dom needs to give and to take and there needs to be a convergance of interests.It's absolutely no use if the Dom/me gets off on making the sub clean the loo all day long if the sub views it as just cleaning the loo and gets nothing from that.Or if they love using the cane and you hate it. Ok that one is a bit trickier because there are different elements of love and hate and I have known subs who get off on being forced to do thingsthat they hate.Which really underlines the complexity of BDSM and demonstrates that it isn't for the naive.I also question just how many are suited to 24/7.IMHO it can dilute the intensity of a session which might be brilliant for 2,4,8 hours but cannot be sustained day in day out when combined with everyday life.

you commit suicide (fairly conclusive)

you get life imprisonment (debatable)

you appear voluntarily on the Jeremy Kyle Show (no hope, go away and commit suicide)

the Daily Mail decides you're a person of interest (ho fucking hum)

see, now you're feeling almost privileged, and nobody even mentioned living in Scotland (drastic)

Edited 8 Dec 11, 7:51 AM by mistletoad

The ruination of life is not always just heart ache but it can mean having taken structural decisions, sold properties, left children to follow the heart and sometimes those decisions are financially disastrous and spoil relationships with family (reference here to the comment above about a domme objecting to someone having even adult children!). So in the heat of lust or love whether you're male or female and whether you're sub or dom it always pays to try to ensure neither side will be hugely badly affected by a decision taken jointly or ensure the other person can protect you on all fronts if you take the decision to leave family or give up a good job or hand over your savings or all those disastrous decisions people do every day for love.

To retire from 'this' is an easy statement to make. Some people do, but you have experienced the highs. If you really have the need, you will be back.

You're right about the need for balance. If you do come back, remember that.

Owner of The Croppery Dungeon and Breakfast. Organises The St Leonards munch.

Basic principle of personal development is that those who take personal responsibility for all that happens in their life will tend to have happier more fulfilled lives.

Those who see outside forces in control of their lives and blame that for any short coming in their life will use that as an excuse to abdicate responsibility for managing their lives often taking on the mantle of the helpless victim and tend to have less happier and fulfilled lives.

Edited 8 Dec 11, 9:39 AM by Ianneil

None of this is what anyone needs to hear if they've been in love and had their heart broken which is one of the worst things any of us ever go through though.

Yes true, the balance of the emotional and the rational is a tricky blighter....leastways for me!

Time for comfort and understanding and then a time to deal with it and move on.

Like many things in life no one answer fits all solution.

Dear Op, please take the quote above serious. Really. What you just have gone through, is not that uncommon. A lot of new subs have had a simular experience. It is like, when you FINALLY dare to put your feet in the water (probably after years of fantasising), you want it ALL. And AT ONCE. Like a kid in a candy shop. And in the process, you start idealising your Dom.

I've taken a look at your blog. It reminds me of an old website (the Castle Realm), that (thank God), no longer is around. It used to pollute people with the same ideas you seem to illustrate in your blog.

This is NOT meant as criticism btw.

But please, for your own sake, stop idealising Domly creatures? If you are able to do that, you will be just fine. And there will be no need to deny your feelings too.

Good luck.

"Class is the impartial, consistent display of emotional integrity."

Edited 8 Dec 11, 10:18 AM by othyim

Relationships have been lost because one partner gets obsessed with computer games. "Call of Duty destroyed my marriage" This does not necessarily mean that these things are intrinsically bad (apart from Jeremy Kyle of course), it is a matter of not letting one thing blind yourself to the rest of life.