This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Sun 4 Dec 11, 5:24 PM Meistre UK(NR), 2 yrs   |
Just recently started being mentored by a friend and she discussed, as I dominant I should have aims and goals in both life and a D/s relationship... ..."Define what you want and aim towards achieving those goals" ...which is a thought I've never had, never entertained previously and never heard it discussed by other dominants. I have mostly be opportunist taking assessed risks with things that have arissen through life. I've had a long term plan with regard to a career but never really looked at other aspects of my life. After some pondering I've concluded that tt's a good idea and it's been running through my mind for a while now thinking through what I want and how best to achieve it. Is this something that other dominants can relate too and what are/were your goals when looking at either a specific D/s or just life in general Discuss please..... ~ "Play 'angry', never play in anger!" ~ | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 5:35 PM A_Very_Good_Girl UK(WC), 8 mths |
read this study - http://www.dominican.edu/academics/ahss/psych/fa... | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 5:51 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
It's not necessarily a dom thing. I have had goals many of which I've achieved sicne I was a very small girl and lists and the like and I've done pretty well if you're into that kind of thing and I suppose would tend to be with a man who was similar. It is a matter of compatibility. Others live life very laid back and have few goals. I don't think it is much to do with your sexuality. | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 5:53 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
I think that knowing your aims and goals with regards to anything in life is always helpful. The only tricky part is the intense longing that you might have to fulfil those aims/goals asap. On the one hand I adhere to the above but on the other, I sometimes wish I could be more spontaneous so that I don't get aggitated when I'm not meeting goals that I set myself (not so much with D/s but with life in general). It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 6:28 PM TheFalconer UK(S), 6 yrs |
I think that ultimately, the Dominant having some sort of goals is pretty much essential for a functional D/s relationship. That doesn't mean they need to be conciously expressed goals, of course, although personally I would say it's better if they are. But when it comes down to it, surely a D/a relationship is about one person imposing their vision for a relationship on another person. Or to put it another way - if you want to lead someone else, it's best if you know when you're going. "Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 7:05 PM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs |
I think that ultimately, the participlants in a relationship having some sort of goals is pretty much essiential for a functional relationship. I am not meaning to pick on you there, but I really do not think this is a dominant thing this is a person thing. It is certainly one of the biggest for me in list of desirable characteristics in another human being aims, goals and aspiration is crucial to move forward. I think a submissive needs it as much as a dominant, even if that goal is to make thier dominant smile for a bit. | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 7:35 PM jackvalentine UK(BN), 2 yrs |
Goals are useful IMO, but so is the ability to live in the moment, and adjust as your joint needs develop and or change. I agree it's not a Dom's thing, nor is it a sub's thing, it's a person's thing, but in a D/s relationship, where respect and any sense of forward motion is considered, it's useful to be balanced on both aspects.
"the purpose of life is to live creatively, love and be kind" Anne Rice "Ah but it's being creative in how you do that thats fun. And sometimes you have to be quite firm" JV | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 7:57 PM A_Very_Good_Girl UK(WC), 8 mths |
one of my goals is to become less goal oriented | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 8:04 PM carenza_lionheart UK(NN), 24 mths  |
I think it is helpful for the Dom to have goals for the relationship. Is it just play, is there a hope to develop it into something more meaningful for example. Without expressing those goals, the relationship drifts and nobody is sure of what is happening.
A Dom with life goals has a drive about him that is attractive to many submissives. It isn't vital, but it helps The one who claims to be innocent - who wants to test the claim? | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 8:27 PM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs |
I agree, sometimes you have to change your plans and take new opportunities, mind I think when you are in a relationship your goals naturally change anyway | ||
| 4 Dec 11, 8:30 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
Perhaps most important for the sub then. If you're going to put your all in with a dominant man, perhaps for life then you'd better both have a similar world view as you;ll be moulded to him, not vice versa and if he's a goal less loser who lives in the moment and never has a penny to his name that's not going to work very well with a sub who has and needs her own goals. Goal 1 find dom with goals.
|
xx
