The Public (82)

It feels to me that there are 4 considerations here -

1) the desire to be able to express our dynamic and lifestyle openly and without fear of censure. Clearly at the moment a lot of us feel that we aren't able to do this - and almost feel discriminated against on that basis.

2) a desire not to unnecessarily upset or offend other people ( particularly children ) who don't want to see d/s practices in public.

3) the law of the land.

4) a wish ( not felt by everyone in the scene, but by a lot of us ) to ' push ' the general public into accepting us more by exposing them to our ways a little.

Clearly it's difficult to reconcile all four of these considerations - and reading the responses so far, it's also clear that people disagree wildly about where to draw the line.

For me, points 1 and 4 outweigh point 2. We do have a right to express ourselves, and a little challenge is a good thing. The ( oft quoted but true ) point about homosexuality is a valid one; at one point gays would have been criticised for kissing in public. It was only because they perservered that they made it acceptable. I think we're very much in the same position.

As for the laws of the land ? Clearly we need to be aware of them. And none of us ( I suspect ) want to go to prison just for being kinky. But I don't necessarily recognise them as having any moral authority.

" Pow ! Right in the kisser ! "

Subtlety is the key to everything.

Well unless it is a padlock or shackles or . . . . !

This can't be avoided in all circumstances, people get distressed by very random things. As liberal as i am, a slap across the face in a shopping centre (for example)is never acceptable. As a mother id be horrified to see that. Even though I'm a person well aware of the myriad of possibilities I'd assume such a thing was none consensual so I'm dammed sure Joe Bloggs would. I'll be teaching my son to conform to the rules of society regarding women and laying his hands on other human beings until he is old enough to understand the complexities of life.

That said I think play can be subtle enough in a lot of circumstances to not rule it out entirely. And when not I think a well considered time and place can be a compromise. A rowdy taxi rank full of post party revellers would be far less concerned with raised voices than a cinema full of film goers, and if leading someone around in public on a leash is a "must do fantasy" do it on October 31st when it is contextually more appropriate.

As for discussion about BDSM I speak freely when in public, the people I know can read between the lines enough for me to have a conversation without causing offence. Informed consent and many an event are now permanently known by an abbreviation that was stared to aid discretion. In my mind it isn't really any different to swearing in public. I swear like a tropper in some circumstances but in shopping centres, with children and other people present its just bad manners.

I've had a few nosey nigel's earwig my conversations in public when they have grasped the content might be "interesting". In these instances I've assumed if they are sticking their neck out to overhear (what is a reasonably discrete conversation) they then take responsibility for any offence caused

Oh and on a purely personal level, the majority of this stuff is sexual to me. I'm not particularly comfortable with public displays of affection even acceptable ones. I'd also draw the line at sticking my tongue down any one's throat in most public places. So I guess this is less of an issue for me than it is for the exhibitionists amongst us.

popi xxx

@ToppingTools

Edited 5 Dec 11, 9:01 AM by popi

Maybe the general public aren't interested in being pushed,Maybe they're just not interested, full stop. Maybe they don't give a toss what other people do or don't do, so long as they aren't randomly and non consensually forced to witness it.

Oh, I'm quite sure the general public aren't interested in being pushed. Just like they used to be quite happy not to see gay people or black people or whatever.. After all, if they couldn't see it, then they could pretend it didn't exist...

Sometimes pushing preconceptions is absolutely the right thing to do.

" Pow ! Right in the kisser ! "

I see a very well made point here however,

Perhaps Its the mother in me but I'd have to say exposing a child to anything distressing for any motive, however important, is not ethically OK to me. My priorities would differ from yours here.

That said kids are so very laid back there is very little this precludes however violence in public will always be one.

Same sex couples kissing IS different! People kissing was acceptable it was a certain group of people (gay people) it was unacceptable for. Discrimination is bad. It's never OK to inflict violence on people (maybe fighting for queen and county but that's another debate). Therefore its never OK to inflict the witnessing of it on people. A better comparison would be gay sex hahaha whatever that is! It was illegal and "offensive" now it's not (not because people did it in public) it's still has a time and a place.

popi x

@ToppingTools

Edited 5 Dec 11, 9:24 AM by popi

Would I want kids to see me spanking my sub ? No, not a chance. I think that's inappropriate. Would I want them to see me fucking her ? No, that's not appropriate either.

But would I be embarrassed if kids saw my sub wearing a collar and lead ? No, not at all. And if they ask ' Mummy, what's that about ? ' then that's up to you to explain it however you want.

" Pow ! Right in the kisser ! "

what is the world coming to! the 1984 nightmare has come true. Correct me if im wrong but doesn't someone have to make a complaint to the police for any of those minor improprieties to end up in the door being locked and the key thrown away!? Mind you with CCTV everywhere and mobile video phones catching anything that will amuse on youtube is it really worth it unless you have your own private island fortress, hmmm wasn't there one for sale recently in the solent!

" Pow ! Right in the kisser ! "

If everyone wasnt so worried about what everyone else is doing then being used as a foot stool,or licking somones shoes in a shopping center wouldnt be involving anyone else but the 2 participants involved imo.

There lies the problem of how not to offend people, it can never be guarenteed.

To not offend someone you have to know exactly what the indavidual finds offensive or not, and as its pretty much impossible to know exactly what every indavidual on the planet finds offensive without knowing them personally, why bother worrying about it so much?

When out in public i just accept the fact i will bump into things i find offensive, it could be bad language, could be standing next to someone on the train who stinks, could be catching a glimps a horrible builders arse hanging out i didnt want to see. At the end of the day the worst things thats happened here was i was offended, thants life and its up to me to choose how i deal with it.

However as for slapping someone in public, i find unacceptable. As i think any type of non consensual physical violence or abuse to another human being should not be tolerated. The public have no way of knowing whether or not said slap across the face was consensual therefore would have the right to get involved