Standard D/S relationship? (47)

It is becoming ever more apparent that Master and I have a far from 'ordinary' BDSM relationship, or do we?

This was a question I found myself asking while replying to another thread here. Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

Don't get me wrong here, I was brought up with the basic principles of respect, manners, etc and I live by them.

I have a complicated thought process going on and I'm not sure what else I am trying to write, but any thoughts on what I ahve already said... thankyou

As long as you're happy, who cares? It's not like the BDSM police are going to come round and declare you're not doing it right, after all.

"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde

It's only a weblog

I can see why the OP might be trying to work out their own identity or understend themself a little more. I don't think there is any criticism just a sense of someone trying to find out if what she is experiencing is *normal* within this community.

My tuppence is this...

We all have many different facetts and layers to who we are. Some people can be fairly straightforward and pretty similar in most situations but I, for one, do not have a standard way of being. The person I am at work is not the same one who goes to gigs or holes up at home, and my submissive personality is tremedously complex. I don't really 'read' as submissive because I am confident, assertive and can be very outspoken but experiments in trying to fit other peoples domme ideal really brought home how deeply uncomfortable I am with that in the parameters of a BDSM defined relationship.

So yes, totally normal. Just like the rest of us.

I too am confused by this post but your heading seems to ask if there is a standard D/S relationship? I would suggest there is no standard and never could be.

We are all individuals. The character aspects that we are each drawn to (in another person) can vary enormously. If you multiply the number of ways we can each vary in our personalties and tastes by the number of different aspects in a BDSM relationship then you are going to come up with a large number as near to infinity as makes no odds.

It therefore follows that there are an almost infinite number of relationship possibilities.

The question you have to ask yourself is: "Does this relationship work for each of us?" If it is a complete and fulfilling relationship for both then you have arrived at the 'standard' for you - as a couple. Change one person in your relationship and the goal posts for the 'standard' would change as well.

If you are happy with your life don't try to do an analysis - just enjoy it!

Good luck.

Flogher - I cane, I whip, I cuddle

I am the first to play the card I belive in the most, the 'we are all unique' card.

I'm just ready to give him what I perceive to be my soul. This is serious.

Of course you are right, but with respect, I'm the one wearing the shoes and it's far from easy. Well I guess easier than I think if it wasn't for the constant peripheral interference, having said that the shitpile has served to bring us closer.

Thankyou astarte_cat, yes there is a huge element of high emotion here. I consider myself a Dominant personality, and yes in the context of BDSM too! This is all so different, I guess I'm at some crossroads and I guess I will at some more too, many times over.

Edited 2 Dec 11, 1:25 AM by custardpowder

Dilema because your actually mainly Domme.You have asked us all a question, we don't know your real circumstance, your reasonings, and all the peripheral stuff.

Rule 1 Don't rush to find the answer.

The best solution will appear slowly in front of you over the next few months.Just move along gently in measured steps assesing as you go the worth of what you give and the feedback you recieve in return.If you match great , if not you will jointly build your relationship, to suit each other.

Which I suspect is the way most of us got to where we are or did not as the case maybe. Sometimes one party will not give that bit which is necessary, or the recipient does not value what you have given to the extent you might have expected.Its an accustomisation and sometimes a risk.

An interesting mind is an open mind and an honest mind .

Edited 2 Dec 11, 9:21 AM by Imagination42

I dont totally understand your post. But, embedded (or as I read it), there seems to be the question, or perhaps the doubt, that the sort of admiration or submissiveness you experience, goes way beyond SM play, but takes on a mental shape.

That might be what worries you. And it is understandable too, cause it is indeed very intrusive.

If this is the case, dont be all too worried. It happens to a lot of us. Just talk to your partner about it. Tell him why you are scared, what makes you happy. Talk to him. A lot. In depth.

For, when he evokes these feelings in you, he simply has the right to know, you see? And possibly, the NEED to know too.

"Class is the impartial, consistent display of emotional integrity."

Edited 2 Dec 11, 9:47 AM by othyim

Just a thought! Keep thinking but enjoy life while you do!