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| totallycoverme |
I was having a really interesting conversation with someone the other day. They said that they have attended swinging events in the past. I was asking them about what went on, what was it like, what was the general etiquette(sp) etc etc and then I asked another question.
The question I asked was (more to myself than anyone in particular), "what would be the motive behind attending a swinging event if you only wanted to have sex with your own partner?" (this is what the person I was talking to did when they went swinging.)
This got me thinking further. I am fascinated as to what makes somebody interested in something (in this respect, I hope this blog comes across as me being curious and interested in people and their activities: I am absolutely not judging or dissing anything here).
Like with regards to going to a BDSM club, I can list an ammount of motives that would make me want to do that:
*Opportunity to use equipment
*Sense of occaision
*A safe and supportive space in which to do BDSM
*Meet people in the lifestyle
Hmmmm, now personally, I can't think of a single motive as to why I would want to attend a swinging event. I could guess that the key reasons are that I am not an exhibitionist or voyeur and I don't enjoy penetrative sex. In fact, I would go as far as saying that there are times when I find the idea of those three things (exhibitionism, voyeurism and penetrative sex) distressing.
Again, I can't stress enough how I'm not judging or dissing anything. I'm just a curious person who wants to learn about people (and heck why not 
).
When I was a single person attending BDSM clubs, a lot of it for me was about being able to play with people I didn't know very well in a safe environment where there were others to intervene if something didn't look quite right. So yeah, play clubs provided a safe space for me to be able to get my needs met. If however, I was a single person seeking sex with no BDSM involved, surely I would have just had a one night stand rather than attend a swinging event under the assumption that a casual fuck would have been easier to negotiate boundaries within. (that is to say that with casual BDSM, I can see how it might go "too far" whereas with casual sex, you consent to sex anyway and as long as the person wasn't a murderer, why would you need to be in a room full of other people to look out for you if that makes sense?)
I can see why this blog might come across as narrow minded and niaeve but hey, that's why I'm asking.
So yeah, I can't relate to what it is to want to "do" swinging and as a result, I am genuinely curious to know what people get out of it. Is it about partner swapping? Or if you're a monogamous couple attending swinging events, what is there to be gained from that in terms of interaction (or lack of it) with other people)...like do you have to be an exhibitionist or voyeur to get something out of swinging as a monogomous couple?
Swinging isn't on my to do list because as I say, I can't even relate to why it would appeal to someone. So yeah, that's why I'm asking.
Maybe I'm asking on the wrong website but for reasons decribed here, I'm not in a rush to join a swinging forum lol. I guess I'd just like to know from some fellow BDSMers what their thoughts are on swinging and the ways in which it might appeal.
What can I say, I'm nosey and curious and I like it.
Discuss xx
Edited Tue 22 Nov 11, 11:46 PM by totallycoverme
| 23 Nov 11, 12:09 AM Grownup_Frankie UK, 4 yrs |
I think there's an awful lot of people around who like sex, so being in a 'sexualised' environment would surely turn them on? I can see why, if thats the case, a couple would attend a swingers event and only have sex with each other. Its whatever turns you on, as the saying goes. | |
| 23 Nov 11, 12:24 AM Attitude_Adjuster UK(N), 6 yrs  |
I'm with Frankie, I can think of many reasons - you like being watched/watching, the sexualised atmosphere, the thought that other people can oggle/express interest in you/your other, it feels a bit naughty, you have kids and can't afford a hotel, you have a fetish for wipe clean surfaces, it takes one of you out of your comfort zone, dressing up at home feels silly, swingers clubs have better decor than your bedroom....
And all men kill the thing they love, By all let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! | |
| 23 Nov 11, 12:02 PM FairyGirl UK(YO), 3 yrs   |
I think I'd enjoy the feeling of being desired more than anything. That probably says more about my own self esteem than anything though! There's always one, and if I'm in the vicinity, it's probably me. | |
| 23 Nov 11, 12:20 PM crystaltips UK(S), 5 yrs |
This was just a thought I had when reading your post - if i found swingers clubs as distressing as you do, I would probably really enjoy being forced to go to one - it would really push my submissive side. I have been to a swingers club, I was pushed (not really forced, it wasn't non-consensual) to do things I was and still am uncomfortable with. I don't really want to go again but i'm glad i had the experience. Just in case that gives the wrong impression, the swingers I met were lovely - i think they found D/s much more difficult to understand than I found swinging. | |
| 23 Nov 11, 2:59 PM xAdamx  UK(SE), 9 yrs |
OP. Great question though maybe better explained on a swingers site. Theres swing2us, swingingheaven, sdc, ukswingers and the houses of parliment lol Yours is not to reason why, yours is but to do or cry. | |
| 23 Nov 11, 3:02 PM inappropriate UK(CF), 3 yrs |
About six or seven years ago, I was taken to a dedicated swingers event (I'm distinguishing between a joint BDSM/swingers fet event) by an ex. He wanted to show me off, for other people to desire me, which he knew I would find really difficult and humiliating. I think he also hoped that we would play with others, but it really wasn't my thing so we didn't. These days, I'd actually find it really disrespectful to go to an event solely because I would hate it and be humiliated. In recent years, I've been to quite a lot of fetish parties, with a mix of BDSM, swinging and TV groups attending, and I quite like these because the mix of people is a bit different to a standard BDSM night, and I've always found everyone really friendly. | |
| 23 Nov 11, 7:50 PM Rhoobarb UK(FK), 12 yrs |
Sense of occasion Exhibitionism, knowing someone could be watching. Voyeurism, watching (and listening) to others. The chance to socialise with those who are a bit more open minded than the people one might meet on a day to day basis. The atmosphere, quite highly charged, can be a turn on. A safe and supportive place in which to have sex, no need to invite strangers into your home, or to go to theirs. (as you said: "being able to play with people I didn't know very well in a safe environment") Meet people in the lifestyle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Edited 23 Nov 11, 7:51 PM by Rhoobarb |
