This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| 19 Nov 11, 1:49 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs  |
I agree with all that.
I don't think wrist holding is a problem. It's quite sexy and I don't think is likely to lead an arrest as it's not illegal. I don't really see any reason I'd ever carry a man's shopping although if he needed help I would and I suppose if I were very sub to him and he made me I would but I agree with the rest. I certainly get things and do what I'm told and I 've never had anyone who was not polite anyway so I don't think people have to suspect much or see much. I think thick leather or metal collars just look awful so on aesthetic grounds I suppose I wouldn't particularly want to have to wear one and people would point and might laugh etc. I quite like seeing couples kissing in public and a man's hand wandering over his girl friend's bottom. That never bothers me or gay people holding hands etc. I know some people do hate to see all public displays of affection but I tend to think they mustn't be very sexy and perhaps just jealous of the intimacy of those others. It's nice . There are far too many couples out there speaking to each other nastily in public and clearly almost hating the site of each other. Instead to see those who love each other or respecting each other is lovely in comparison.
| ||
| 19 Nov 11, 2:08 PM Platinum UK(W), 9 yrs  |
It would see the further from the bar you get the more violent you become I assume there was nobody else in the beer garden at the time otherwise you might have committed an assault in a public place which seems contrary to your previously stated position P | ||
| 19 Nov 11, 2:12 PM AshUK UK(EN), 7 yrs £ |
I agree; I think it's sweet. Unless they're poor, of course. Or wearing tracksuits. In which case they shouldn't be out in public at all. They should be huddled together round the back of the dole centre, hiding themselves away from the gaze of ordinary decent folk. I also hate it when you see women out shopping with their husbands, blatantly using them for commercial gain. Surely there should be a way to discourage these dismal money-grubbing whores from flaunting their parasitic nature in public ? Can they not just get themselves a decent education, so they can find a career and support their husbands financially instead ?
" Pow ! Right in the kisser ! " | ||
| 19 Nov 11, 2:16 PM Sister_of_Cain UK, 7 yrs |
@insanity_sane1 the first of your examples I think if perfectly reasonable, clear steps taken to avoid unwanted attention etc, but the second for me is where the line is drawn, for me too public many people may not have wanted to see it. @syndeetoo I get where your coming from, although am a bit more comfortable with general displays of affection I get why many find too much play at munches uncomfortable and am in the would be happy with more in a private room approach. @ClassAct2005 I agree with your comments and wrist holding is both sexy and controlling, just best not wear a tracksuit... Sometimes suffers blonde moments. | ||
| 19 Nov 11, 2:39 PM mia  UK(M), 4 yrs       |
I think private play in public is the way forward if people want to be embarrassed in front of others like that. For example, i've been out and about with e-stim things on and apart from the odd look of pain on my face - which could have been cos i'd twisted my ankle, had period pains, whatever, no one else knew. Also, i've been told to have my mouth open at all times, during one outing and whilst for me i wanted to actually die of embarrassment, no one else knew i didn't have a cold or breathing problem - so no embarrassment to others. I think 'vanilla' couples being overtly sexual in public is a bit minging, so wouldn't want anything overly sexual - but wrist grabbing or collars worn in public shouldn't be an issue any more than a cheeky snog or bum pat, imo. x Quick Lynn, run, they're sex people | ||
| 19 Nov 11, 3:18 PM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
It's a nice question. All about tolerance, respect, courtesy, concern for the sensibilities of others, trying not to be offensive, but at the same time not wanting to be "in the closet" as gay people were in this country a few decades ago (and, to come extent, in some contexts, still are). As society has become more tolerant and accepting of gay people, it has become more possible for then to express affection and love in similar ways to heterosexual people and in the same social settings. Some activities, like penetrative sexual intercourse, are generally kept "in the closet" by both communities, but other forms of expression such as kissing are done openly by both straight and gay people. Context is everything though. Some behaviours may be appropriate in a park or on the beach but not in a funeral or a business meeting. For BDSM, some activities are almost unnoticed by an innocent bystander. But other acts, which we find normal, may - through their sheer strangeness - make a deep and memorable and perhaps even distressing impression on others. For instance some people would find the idea of a man pinching a woman's nipple or punching her in the face quite distressing, especially if it wasn't obviously consensual. Whether these acts are more like kissing (and so okay in public) or intercourse (and so, conventionally, not done in public) is a moot point. It's sometimes said that "they can always look the other way". However very odd acts can have a kind of horrible fascination, a sort of compulsion to watch, a high "salience" level bringing it to the forefront of the attention even if only glimpsed through peripheral vision, and are - to some people, if they're nearby - as hard to ignore as the sound of a piercing siren. And of course in public, some people may see completely accidentally. "Wisdom begins in wonder” (Socrates) Edited 19 Nov 11, 3:23 PM by wonderer | ||
| 19 Nov 11, 4:51 PM Sister_of_Cain UK, 7 yrs |
@mia thank-you for 2 great examples of how to play almost unnoticed in public. @wonderer some good points raised about what 1 group consider normal and another don't, I'd forgotten about that angle. Sometimes suffers blonde moments. | ||
| 19 Nov 11, 5:37 PM Azrayel UK(MK), 4 yrs |
For me, the most absolute no-no with public play is not putting others in a position where they feel the need to intervene, call the authorities or are genuinely concerned that some of those in the 'scene' have not consented. There is a difference (for me) between "oh, that's not very appropriate!" and "shit, she's being beaten, I should call the police". If we're worried about offense - we're always going to offend or upset someone, 'nilla or not. While I'd hope that no-one would be obnoxious enough to play in front of people who they knew were likely to be upset, we shouldn't lose sleep over it. As has already been mentioned, same-sex affection still causes 'offense'. I've seen a stir caused by people with tattoos, amusing (and not overtly dark) t-shirt slogans, gothic dress, etc. Someone is always going to think that what is happening is uncooth or distasteful. Heck, swearing in public is fairly likely to upset or offend someone. We shouldn't have to hide away. So don't go and flash your fanny outside the school gates and don't stage a crusifixion scene by a church. Don't run the risk of someone thinking that what is happening is abuse. Use judgement and discretion. But don't worry too much about a little bit of gleeful public spanking, collars and cuffs or the odd bare breast. Anything super-subtle doesn't even need to be considered with regards to onlookers. Sure, you know that when she walks two paces behind you she's respecting your domliness, but who else would notice? For me, third party non-consent is a hard limit for the sake of simplicity. But, a limit that I would discuss depending on the scene planned, the location and the people involved. Don't you just love goodbyes? Edited 19 Nov 11, 5:41 PM by Azrayel | ||
| 19 Nov 11, 7:13 PM IndelibleMarker UK(E), 6 yrs  |
My partner has led subs through the center of Soho on a busy Friday evening, crawling on their hands and knees on a leash - people in the street were laughing at them, even petting them and barking at him. She was doing similar (and probably worse) in bars and made someone piss their jeans, dance for the girls in a strip club etc, for example. People were remarkably accommodating - they asked what was going on and were fascinated to hear the truth - in fact eating it up and getting involved in humiliating them, probably because it was a laugh - they apparently genuinely paid them no attention, directing all conversation towards her other than to mock them and on some occasions, slap, put feet on and even spit at one. At least in Soho, it seems people find it odd, but after a few drinks, they also love it. Personally, I couldn't hack it - certainly not from the subs point of view, but neither could I from the Dominant position. As for whether it's right or wrong. I think that's a tricky one. I have arguments for and against, and although I find covert public stuff hot, that extreme I don't - though I know a LOT of people do. Patrick | ||
| 19 Nov 11, 7:32 PM ConsciousnessJunkie UK(N), 5 yrs |
Not at all. For instance there is a munch run in Camden quite often that I would very much like to go to. The problem is that I work only a few hundred yards from the venue. I am "out" in that everyone reasonably close to me knows I used to work as a fetish model and therefore can put two and two together about my private life, but that doesn't mean I want everyone I work with in a professional capacity to know about my sex life. Just because I want to sit and talk to other likeminded people about my interests, doesn't mean I want the entirety of the pub and the surrounding area to know about them too! By being at a munch I don't consent to people around me being overtly kinky with no respect for those they are socialising with. Obviously in a private room in a venue then it's slightly more relaxed, but at the end of the day it's not a sex / fetish club. Just because we like to indulge in private does NOT mean we also want to watch others doing stuff to each other! A munch should be a place for conversation and socialising. A fetish club or workshop is a place for actually indulging! Especially since it seems to be many of the more outrageous and edgy practices that always seem to be the ones that happen casually in this sort of environment, such as face slapping as mentioned above. |
