Is there some code that I don't get? (57)

This! ^ ^ ^ ^ My bold but that says it all.

I've been cheated on, it fucking sucks, it's left me with a massively battered self-esteem. I won't be a part of that.

Not huffy or stuffy, nor tiny or tall, But fluffy, just fluffy, with no brains at all.
A P Herbert (who obviously knew me well)

I am not asking you to go out with me in any way shape or form. I read your profile, but I don't want to comment on your preferences. Why do people feel he need to attack?

If you were in a public bar you wouldn't feel the right to but in and critisize, surely?

The thread was started about non-repsonse from people. Not females, not subs, not sub females. I genuinely don't understand why a (for example) male dom from Edinburgh who wants to chat to people would care if I was married - I am not interested in playing with him!

Let's cut to the chase shall we?

Why are you here?

Are you here to fuck? Are you looking for a kinky bit on the side who doesn't care that you are married? If you are then just say it on your profile... I am sure you will find someone that meets your needs. It's rhetorical question by the way!

I have found that on IC there are a huge number of people, people that are all looking for different things, and at some point you will stumble across someone who matches what you want, for example there may be a married submissive who wants to fuck and have a kinky bit on the side. There might be someone that is single and not mind that you are married and will fuck and be friends.

Personally, I mildly object to the 'its an age thing'... no really its not.

Again, personally I am not looking for a long term relationship, am I looking for friends? sometimes.. I am as fussy with friends as I am with who I fuck or play with. A friend is someone who will become an intimate confidant, sharing things, life, laughter and sometimes tears. I am very sure I ll have a lot of casual acquaintances... for that is what people are that you know who are not friends.

There will be people that hate me, people that find me mildly amusing and people that love me. And the same can be said for how I view people... there are people that I could personally strangle with said wank rope.

I am here because it's the best resource I know of, to express myself, my needs, to learn more about me and what I need. I adore the social aspect and I do truly love meeting new people, whether they become friends is another matter.

And a tip.... Chat Message is completely wank! If I was walking down the street on my way to Tesco's or whatever and a random bloke approached me and said 'nice tits luv, fancy letting me beat you' I would be very concerned for his mental health and it would definately not lead me to want to be his friend.

Making friends takes time and effort from both sides.

I leave my chat message on so that people I have spoken to via memo a lot or actually met in person can chat to me if they want. Random wanky memo's get deleted... yes I am a bad mannered bitch.

I told you I had not had enough coffee yet... what the whole of the above waffle is saying is:

1. Tell the truth... always. So if you are looking for casual play and maybe a fuck, say so.

2. If you memo someone who states they are looking for friendship and you don't get the response you want then either persevere and put the effort into becoming a friend.. or move on.

3. If you don't get a response at all, again move on. It could just be that they are like me, bad mannered and/or fussy.

IC really is like a tin of quality street, there are some people you will fight for... strawberry cream is my particular favourite and there are others that you leave in the tin.

Domination without submission is when he keeps telling you to do something and you keep telling him to fuck off. – Linda

You initially posted:

I was attempting to explain why people who DO want friends on here may not want to be friends with you. You asked for input, giving you input is NOT butting in.

Not huffy or stuffy, nor tiny or tall, But fluffy, just fluffy, with no brains at all.
A P Herbert (who obviously knew me well)

I am genuinely sorry if I upset anyone. Either by my profile, this blog or any reply.

From the people who sent me a memo I am generally not alone in this. From the (very small) sample that this represents, 1 in 10 seems to be average.

But, I am also surprised at some of the memos I have had. For a section of the community that regularly gets attacked in the press, we can be very intollerent, can't we?

I am sure that I am not, for example, responsible for someone turning out the way they did because a parent left home.

A heart felt thanks to all of you who posted. An even bigger one to the vast majority who sent me a memo.

To the few - I really don't give even half a one.

You have a wife + Your profile says she's vanilla + You say you are dom

= you want something outside of your marriage.

Now you may not want that from every single person you memo for 'friendship', but that is what you say you want.

Does wife know? Doesn't wife know? It MATTERS.

I think I know quite a few male doms who wouldn't be that interested in a chinwag with someone who just wants to get some playtime behind his wife's back.

I say again... it MATTERS!!!

I just re-read that post, and I read it slightly wrong the first time, so I'm taking back my reply.

Edited 19 Nov 11, 3:01 PM by dryad_x

I think the problem may be that there is something inherent in what you say which can easily be construed as disingenuous. If you are only seeking friendship, then why do it here? There are plenty of other places where you could seek friendship.

Presumably, like most of us, you are interested in the people here because you have certain desires and preferences, and you identify people here as having similar, or perhaps complimentary preferences.

But if you are in a vanilla marriage with a non-sympathetic partner there are a finite number of possibilities available, which many people here understand only too well.

a) you keep it as a private fantasy and stay in the marriage

b) you deceive your partner and embark on a double life

c) you get out of the marriage and are then free to express your desires

No one really wants to be on the receiving end of b) and I'm afraid there will be those who will suspect that you really see friendship as a precursor to further involvement and gratification of your desires, given the above.

I hope this doesn't sound too negative, because actually I am sympathetic. But you're asking for a sort of half-way house, which many people aren't comfortable with, and perhaps that is why you find the reaction you complain of.

'Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?' - Harry M. Warner, 1927
Malbon erotica on Amazon

That!

It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do it

Well, if you had addressed the entire bar and asked for input, then yes, people might feel they had the right to give you their opinion (although I have to say that I don't think Fluffysub was actually criticising you).

In any case, it's not a bar, it's a blog on a website. The same social rules don't apply.