This post is on the SM/Bondage/Fetish web board.
| 18 Nov 11, 1:02 PM heeels UK, 6 yrs   |
Thanks for the replies and memos. Interesting to hear other peoples stories. I've gone from super fit and active to feeling like a cripple. Mentally it's as tough as physically. Constant pain really affects my mood and outlook on life. Early days at the moment so still coming to terms with it. The pain takes the enjoyment out of everything and makes relaxing very difficult. As pain is an invisible illness it's difficult for others to understand or sympathise. I know my work colleagues reactions would be different if my leg was in a cast. The other factor with it being invisible is the fact there are many many people battling with pain that you don't even realise. Has certainly given me a different outlook on life.
Thankfully it's not curbed my appetite for woman in heels "Breath out, so I can breath you in" | |
| 18 Nov 11, 6:41 PM Lady_Em UK, 2 yrs |
This is probably going to sound like a crock of shit but what the hell....! When you have a major change in your abilities which feels like it will be permanent you need to go through a grieving process. You have to grieve for the person you were and can't be now. During this stage the pain is at it's worst, impinging (is that the word I mean?) on every aspect of your daily life and making everything worse and negative. It isn't so much a question of coming to terms with it - more an accepting of what is now. You need to learn what you can and cannot do and not rage against what you can't do any more - look at what you CAN do and build on that. Once you move on from letting the pain control your life you can build on controlling it and having a life. I refuse to let the pain win. It will not be the biggest part of my life - there is too much of it left for me to accept that. I plan and organise my life round pain medication and pain relief equipment - it is just a different way of living. BUT - If I have just had to stop a scene because the pain did win - let me take my drugs before coming to talk to me - I could bite!
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| 18 Nov 11, 10:50 PM You_May_Kiss_My_Ring UK(PA), 11 mths |
I've had chronic joint pains all my life. At first this was put down to a twisted ankle that had affected how I walked, then to juvenile arthritis an finally hypermobility (double-jointedness). With the latter came the advice that I should avoid impacts around my joints, but I found that the release of endorphins from flogging would actually relax my muscles and I'd be able to move without pain for a bit. I've also had migraines for years, which are a complete turn off, and have chronic pain from a spinal injury that isn't healing properly. It doesn't make BDSM particularly more difficult, but it does make vanilla sex uncomfortable in many positions. "That hat makes you look like you own slaves! ... only you would go to a Goth club wearing a beige hat, and dressed in purple!" | |
| 18 Nov 11, 11:52 PM heeels UK, 6 yrs |
Thanks for taking the time to write this - I can certainly identify with much of what you have written. Not quite ready to say goodbye to my old self yet. Being active is what defines me, I'd consider amputation if it meant I could get back my old life.
I'm certainly in the rage phase at the moment. Particulary envious of others who get a 2nd chance despite abusing their bodies. Still - who said life was fair thanks again.
"Breath out, so I can breath you in" | |
| 19 Nov 11, 1:09 AM Xafar UK(S), 12 yrs £    |
twenty three years here... sometime i limp and sometimes i lurch and getting up from a sofa always gets a laugh as i follow the five stages of human evolution as seen in the uper portion of the picture linked... does it stop me hurting people... fuck no... http://www.bx.psu.edu/makova_lab/Images/evol.gif not saying anything about the lower potion of the picture... nope... not me... Mac
"Me Man Whore... You Jane..." | |
| 19 Nov 11, 12:21 PM boykitten UK(CB), 5 yrs   |
I've been living with chronic pain for a few years now, and what I have is a degenerative condition with no identifiable cause, and therefore no cure. The pain is almost constant, most of the time able to be tuned down to a tolerable background noise by strong painkillers, but those have side effects of cognitive impairment and fatigue so sometimes it's a case of choosing which to be incapacitated by. Meditation and TENS also help though, and I've always found subspace identical to a higher meditative state so sometimes a good session with a controlled dose of pain can leave me in a very good position. I find it difficult that I can no longer do my duties as a slave, my Master now has to do most of the chores that were previously my job and as much as I complain about keeping house I hate that I can't do it by myself any more. The main problem is in my thumbs, so that affects my kink life very directly as it means I have to be very conservative about the amount of rigging I do. I now have to rationalise whether doing a self suspension and having a little while swinging about having fun in the ropes is worth the possibility I may barely be able to move the next day. This is a tough call because I find that being strung up is almost always a place where I feel no pain. I think because I have to focus so hard of getting the tie right so as not to endanger myself that I haven't the capacity to think about the pain. In terms of the pain I can take, I think in some ways I can take more, either psychologically knowing that I've survived pain worse than anything laid onto me or physiologically being dampened by painkillers. I also don't complain as much at the 'wrong' kind of pain, like the odd misplaced hit on the back of the thighs which I could never stand before. On the other hand I'm now much more likely to say when things are getting too much and I can't endure the marathon sessions I did before just because I get exhausted. I'm also more sensitive to touch, though this is often a good thing in sexual situations. On those times I switch I can't give pain in the ways I would before, I used to employ considerable use of my sharp nails and that's not viable now. There are particular toys it's very difficult to hold, knives, watenberg wheels, medical toys, and even the bigger handles on floggers and crops are sometimes difficult. And of course the fatigue is a factor here too, it take a lot of energy to give a good beating. However, I would say that I dish out pain harder and with more pleasure than before. I don't get that little bit of guilt I always used to have about hurting someone beautiful, and I feel more sadistic than I ever did before. It was after receiving the diagnosis that I took up work as a Pro-Fetishist (rather than Pro-Domme as I'm still mainly submissive and more interested in fetish related play than BDSM) after years of retirement from selling my services. It's worth noting this change also coincided with my realisation that I'll be lucky if I finish my degree never mind completing a phd and practising psychology at a clinical level so there was no longer a reason to hold back on creating a potential "past" that I was originally worried could impact on my future as a professional working with vulnerable people. Other things that are more difficult are getting dressed, and particularly complicated outfits for play parties with corsets and suspender straps so I often need help with that and there's no chance of a quick play before heading out as it takes so much longer to get ready. I can't stay in the club until closing time, then walk home in stripper heels and go straight out the next day to play again that night any more. I can't always wash myself, whereas before I would be the one to was Him and I can longer maintain a strict physical hairlessness. And I can't always touch in the ways I'd want to in bed, but luckily my mouth has been well trained and I have learned other ways to worship and serve. I hate that I don't always have the energy to be obedient and I hate that my temper is so much shorter and my moods are so volatile. It feels so unfair that at 23 I am suddenly in a position faced by so many elderly people without having had a whole life to live before that. Chronic pain has changed my live so much, and as for many years now my 24/7 relationship has been a huge part of my life it's obvious that the chronic pain would have a huge impact on that too. That's gone a bit of a ramble there (I'm due another dose and probably some more sleep!) but hopefully I'll be of some interest and insight to you and if you have any questions (however personal) please fire away as it's a subject I can talk about at length. boykitten |
But pain is certainly off the menu for now!
