Changing Wants and Needs (29)

True, but.not 'arf as dramatic

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
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I think I've used this metaphor before, but it's like gardening. The gardener cannot "make" the rose grow in a certain way, or cause it to thrive through sheer will. He has to understand the plant's wants and needs, and interact with those such that the plant flourishes under his care to produce the beautiful flowers he seeks.

In much the same way, the dominant needs to understand the submissive's wants and needs, and how those can be best used to gain the results that the dominant wants over the longer term.

In terms of the hypothetical where the submissive's needs become seriously out of tune with the dominant's interests - I'm not convinced it's possible within a functional D/s relationship. Or at least not within an ownership relationship.

"Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde

Edited 3 Nov 11, 2:28 PM by TheFalconer

From personal experience, I tend to agree that it is not possible. Once that point is reached where a submissive genuinely believes their "need" is MORE valid than the decisions/interests of the dominant, you might as well write it off because it just becomes a cesspit of resentment. Perhaps they use and manipulate it as an EXCUSE to end a relationship, or perhaps it just happens, but either way, the dynamic would be damaged by the dominant being coerced (or not).

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Absolutely agree with the bit of @TheFalconer's post that I've snipped out of the above.

Also agree with the bit I've left in... And also think this would surely be true in any relationship. It just becomes more obvious, more quikly in a D/s relationship and, as it relates to a fundamental need for both parties, probably resolves itself more quickly too.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

What about their wants though? I know wants are secondary to needs, but are they still important enough to stop a relationship? Or could they go the way of smoking/tattoos/slippers?

x

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I guess that woe be up to the submissive. If she had wants I couldn't accommodate then I'd not be being true to her or me by accommodating them. Would I.

Having said that I can't think of much she'd want that I couldn't accommodate, on my terms. If there was something, then It would probably be a clear indication we no longer had the understanding necessary to carry on.

My goal - to save women from nature (Dior)
Follow me on twitter: @belasarius99

I think this sums it all up really well for Me.

Sadder still to watch it die than never to have have known it.

I think a competent Master can manipulate this nature to a massive extent but genuine needs really do need to be met for a person to be emotionally well. I think these can change and develop over time and that M/s relationships are no less immune to this than any other. The problem that can arise is that there can be less ability, willingness or experience of compromise in an M/s relationship.

That said I do think genuine needs are few and far between and some people change more than others. I think quite a few future needs could be preempted by a competent Master or ones self and this is an important thing to consider and communicate in the initial stages of a relationship before the decision to enslave someone is made.

Does that make any sense at all, if it even answers the question?

popi xxx

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Edited 3 Nov 11, 9:07 PM by popi

Yeah it did - interesting to read and i agree with pretty much everything i think.

x

Quick Lynn, run, they're sex people
@Modified_Bodies
@O_and_P
@LGB_Forum

Edited 4 Nov 11, 5:31 PM by petit_chat