Posted by Tightlytied
on Mon 31 Oct 11, 10:46 PM to Tightlytied's blog.
Unless in a t.p.e situation, if a slave/sub has limits and a safe word, does this mean the sub has over all control??
Edited Mon 31 Oct 11, 11:24 PM by Tightlytied
| 31 Oct 11, 10:55 PM frederick_hende 20 mths |
No, I think it means that they have defined the control they have given.
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| 31 Oct 11, 11:03 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
2 ells in controlling, dear, but anyway: Interesting question. No clear answer (again!!) In CSI, Gil Grissom says that in bdsm the sub is always in control, in the context of the Lady Heather episodes. Lots of people think that's right, but I can't agree for my own knd of relationship, whatever may be true for others. If you think that the fact that the sub can end it, call time, whatever, whether she has a safeword or not, means she's in control, then that's one perspective. For me, because I gave up that control, I feel I no longer have it. I always say that the person who feels most has the least power. If you are desperate to be with someone, they can treat you badly. Fact. Especially if they aren't so keen. I'm having a rare moment of power, as I have reached a limit so hard I will give him up if he can't resolve it, and ask for release. So because I know I can't go on without it being sorted, I have the power here. And will make him sort it for me. Which he will. Good. But generally, all the power is with him. And I like that. | ||
| 31 Oct 11, 11:33 PM Tightlytied UK(BS), 2 yrs |
Thanks for the spell check!...lol.. I am not into labels or pigeon holes just like many other people, but i do like to get discriptions and wording correct. So, if a 'sub' has a choice, then it is more role play than submitting, surely?, if you submit, in the sense of the word, then you have submitted any choice you have to your partner?, this leaving you with no choice, which means no powwer?
It's nice to be important, but more important to be nice!!... | ||
| 31 Oct 11, 11:40 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
Choice is so overrated. It's rubbish, I find. | ||
| 1 Nov 11, 12:11 AM Platinum UK(W), 9 yrs  |
Well since you enjoy them so much I think you meant overall
Limits doesn't mean that a sub has a choice on a day to day basis it simply means there are recognised boundaries to their relationship that may be determined by pragmatic neccessity. As a foundation of a relationship I would assume there would have been a mutual discovery of personal moral and ethical frameworks that would have led to some agreed restraints on participants future behaviour. Your stated posistion would for instance have it be acceptable that even though a D knew that facial bruising would be unacceptable to an s's employer they still repeatedly punched them in the face, because they wanted to. You believe that such exercising of power would be evidence of D power and that anybody who would not do it is merely a role player and not a real D? P | ||
| 1 Nov 11, 6:50 AM karena UK(CW), 6 yrs |
The sub still made the choice to have no limits in their situation, so still had the power at the time. For me to have no limits would generally mean a very intimate, trusting, honest and open relationship. I like Platinum's comparison, you would trust your D to know what is best for you, and to not place you in situations that would cause harm. "Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater." - Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer Edited 1 Nov 11, 1:23 PM by karena | ||
| 1 Nov 11, 7:34 AM TVlynn03 UK(CH), 3 yrs |
It has often been said that a Sub/Slave is the person who is in charge. They can dictate what they want. If the Dom/Domme is either too demanding or does not fulfill the Sub/Slave's desires,then they can end the relationship and find another partner. In some ways it is down to the Sub/Slave's mental attitude, if they want to think the Dom/Domme is in command,then they will be. | ||
| 1 Nov 11, 7:49 AM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
Even if you're free as a bird, you can't burrow underground like a mole. Freedom and limits aren't contradictory. Of course if the sub has so many limits that you're more like a caged bird, that would be of limited fun. And if they're constantly renegotiating limits, I guess that might get a bit tedious too. But we all have limits of our own as well (e.g. strength) as from the environment and from others. Freedom doesn't have to be limitless. "Wisdom begins in wonder” (Socrates) Edited 1 Nov 11, 7:52 AM by wonderer | ||
| 1 Nov 11, 8:26 AM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs      |
We've negotiated limits. They are hers, not mine. I respect them, but push them. Within those limits she is mine. Here the control is real. This gives her the confidence she won't be abused and allows me to make her mine. In practice, these days, control is implicit in all we do and she relys on me to ensure she isn't abused, so whilst she may have set the limits in the first place, I am their guardian and control them ( on her behalf) too. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | ||
| 1 Nov 11, 8:37 AM karena UK(CW), 6 yrs |
I like that description.
"Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater." - Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer Edited 1 Nov 11, 1:24 PM by karena |
