Back on the pills (4)

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Posted by Original_Rebel on Mon 31 Oct 11, 4:30 PM to Original_Rebel's blog.

I stopped taking them because when i took them i slept half the time and the rest of the time i was in a daze.

Well it's better than the abject misery i have been feeling that really was too much. The only reason i'm still here is that i'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I really wanted to but i couldn't. I'm really pathetic and i hate myself for being like this. I hate the fact i couldn't kill myself and mostly i just hate myself.

So i'm taking the pills again and when i'm asleep things are ok. I just wish i could sleep all the time.

Replies

31 Oct 11, 6:28 PM
Hatari

UK(BN), 6 yrs

Sorry your not well, what pills are you taking and when?

31 Oct 11, 7:07 PM
FluffySub
UK(NN), 6 yrs

Original_Rebel wrote:
The only reason i'm still here is that i'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I really wanted to but i couldn't. I'm really pathetic and i hate myself for being like this. I hate the fact i couldn't kill myself and mostly i just hate myself.

I'm quoting this because, about 18 months ago, I sent a very similar text message to my ex. It was truly how I felt. I look back on it now and realise what a stupid mistake it would have been but, at the time, it felt true.

This WILL pass. Until it does, accept any help offered. Pills, counselling, friends offering to talk.

Try to fight locking yourself away, too, as it will just make you feel worse. Set yourself a task each day, even if it's just to go out a walk. Then you can build up to bigger things.

And keep posting; it's cathartic.

Hugs x

Not huffy or stuffy, nor tiny or tall, But fluffy, just fluffy, with no brains at all.
A P Herbert (who obviously knew me well)

31 Oct 11, 7:27 PM
angellover
UK(CM), 3 yrs

Use all the help and support you can and the medication, even if it has to be changed from time to time so you can balance yourself. It's not going to happen over night but with the support you can do it...

Nothing wrong in taking the medication but keep visiting the qac and let them decide what you should be doing and taking.

I hope it all works out for you and I wish you well and better health to come.

The highest fences we have to climb, are those we have built within our mind

31 Oct 11, 9:29 PM
misunderstoodslave
UK(OL), 2 yrs

It sounds so simplistic, but different pills is sometimes a big help. Not the whole answer, of course, but a help.

My bipolar best friend has been at times practically a zombie on particular pills that disagreed with her (but they said she needed to stabilise her after a piggy psychotic episode) but with tweaks to the medication we have seen her return to something approaching her normal self. But you have to keep demanding the tweaks, and saying if one type isn't working for you and get on something else. And then repeat the whole process if the next one is no good. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, in mental health as in everything else.