How does one go about finding a suitable Mistress? (55)

I would be willing to give up men for the right Mistress if she asked it of me aswell....like if she was Lesbian or simply only wanted me to serve her and maybe selected female friends.

Anyway, my question is this....how do I find a non profit Domme? It seems to me there are a ton of pro Dommes about on the kink sites and hardly any that are wanting to find a sub of their own that isnt male or isnt a masochist. I am also finding a lot of sadistic Dommes, which isnt for me. I am looking to form a relationship as a sub and her Mistress, not just in it for a few sporadic sessions but I cant even so much as find a Domme, let alone get to the point where we are chatting and finding out if we click.

I am fast giving up. I have tried looking online in the past also to find a Domme and got nowhere and its driving me mad quite frankly!!!

I must point out that I am really not into the fet scene either, so going to a club is out of the question.

HELP!

I think you may need to go clubbing, there are plenty out there and I am sure there is one that you would surprise you.

I understand the domme thing. Too many flirtatious girls not looking to commit and realising they can turn a profit. Well, that's cool.

But I have met a few pro-dommes who have wished for a soulmate and are trapped knowing they would have to forfeit a client list or being able to play freely. Unless of course that soulmate is content with them being professional. Which perhaps is something to consider, as relationships do grow and their needs may alter over time to just being monogamous.

Good luck, I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. ; )

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I dont think every single Domme in London wants to be a pro Domme. Thats like saying every sub wants to pro sub. Its just that I have come across a lot of Dommes who are pro's. But obviously there must be more out there than just the ones I have seen. And there must be some who, like me, arent into the fet clubbing scene either.

The annoying thing also with this is that as a pro sub escort who is soon to give it up due to gaining more conventional employment, I wouldve been happy to work with a pro Domme but not in a way which if I am her sub makes me feel like one of her clients. Thats just pointless.

So my experience so far at seeking a Mistress has been pretty glum.

I'm being patient... hmm for a decade now... My advice is to keep on dating in the "vanilla" world, as you never know who is lurking there. We're not all into "the scene", or life-stylers", nor are we openly into "kink" - so spotting us takes time and effort. I've sussed a few people, but know there must be others out there.

Keep trying, but IC, etc. may not be the places to meet... though I wish it was - so much easier!!

Good luck - and please reconsider giving up on us men!!!

I dont date vanilla people anymore and finding someone in that sphere isnt likely as I dont do pubs and clubs so god knows where I would even meet anyone? New job will probably lead me to meeting new people but I'm keeping all this well and truly private so thats no good either. I know what youre saying, there are people who are pretty much nilla on the outside but do have a secret darkside to them but I have only ever met those types through the net aswell and they always end up being attached or unsuitable or something or other. Nothings ever simple.

I have never dated a woman and honestly wouldnt know how to go about finding a nilla woman...and actually wouldnt want to. Again, wouldnt have a clue as to how to find a kinky female outside of online or fet clubs I am not into.

And I really cant abide all the first contact stuff where some people beg and suck up to a complete stranger begging for their attention. I find that really fake and pathetic. I dont know the person so I find it really hard to give them max respect and appear to worship the ground they walk on when we may well hate each other. I think its better to find out if you click first and then...then you can grovel and beg as much as you like and mean it, rather than put it on in hopes of getting a short reply. Not that I condone being rude either, just not acting all fake to begin with. I know male subs may love all that, and get off on it but its not for me.

getting known an all that

Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish

You can meet nice people in a totally vanilla setting, and make contacts who in turn might just know a domme who is looking for the kind of relationship you want. It's not likely, I'll admit- but its worth a try for the sake of going along and having a couple of shandies or whatever.

I know it's easy to say, but also maybe try to be a bit more flexible about limits if possible. I resisted the idea of enduring pain- as an idea it sank my boat, rather than floated it.

But then when I tried it, I found that as a submissive, I could explore a whole new spectrum of emotions and feelings when I submitted physically to pain from a dominant, if I had an emotional commitment and a relationship with her.

Have you tried pain yet? The idea sounds crazy at first, I admit- but it could just be that if you try it, like me you'll discover a whole new world of sensation and experience.

Are lesbian or bisexual dommes less common than straight ones? If so, the lesser numbers might make it a bigger challenge- but don't give up, and be prepared to relax on some issues, where you can.

It may be that you simply can't compromise on some things- personally, I could never consider forming a relationship with a poly woman, for example- but you should think about where you can compromise and still be happy.

I think that dominant personalities are outnumbered by submissives, so you will always find the odds against you.

But try to stay positive, dont compromise on important things, or get involved in relationships which dont give you the key things you need- and eventually a chance will come.

Make sure you are free, available, and able to recognise the chance you are given for what it truly is- and dont write potential relationships off too quickly. Good luck!

I dont mind a bit of light pain and bruising, but thats totally different from taking a caning, having a crop used on me or being tied up and beaten for ages, so for any Domme who is a sadist I would be wasting her time as much as she is mine. Just the word 'sadist' makes me shiver....with complete coldness. Its a huge turn off for me.

I have been active within D/s for over 5, no its 6yrs now, so if I hadnt even tried pain then I dont know what kind of sub I would be really? Its not likely I wouldve gotten away without a Dom wanting to inflict it on me, or in fact myself being curious about trying it. I've tried most implements and given them a damn good go, even to the point of unstoppable tears on a few ocassions and some hefty lasting marks, all in the name of wanting to please....But I clearly dont get the same out of all that as masochists do as my thoughts are NO THANK YOU, NEVER AGAIN.

I cant drink right now either due to my new diet plan so if I did go to a munch I'd be on the water. I went to an all female one once and I have never tried another after that. A more unfriendly crowd you could not ever hope to meet!

When the thought of trying out the fet scene many years ago appealed to me I did go to a fet group and meet people and then head off to clubs but I soon tired of it and it cost me a fortune. I really cant afford all that these days and I didnt really enjoy it if truth be told. I found it all very pretentious. As the years have gone by I have not renewed any interest in giving fet clubs another go. I would prefer these days to play privately.

I hope thats finally cleared all that up!

A friend wants me to try a munch with him but it wont be yet and I guess it depends on whos there on the night as I wont have time to be a regular when my new job starts.