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Posted by glx101
on Fri 21 Oct 11, 12:31 PM to the Ultraviolence group.
Am in the process of developing a new sub who is much younger than me by about 20 years. As we have talked it's become clear to me that she has known that she wants and needs to experience UV since her early teens.
She tells me that she knew the kissy games and being felt up by the local boys wasn't right. She "just knew" that she needed force and as she grown up a bit more she has has felt the pull of rape play more and more.
Before meeting me she had actually walked around in dark places "excited and scared" where she might get raped. This hasn't happened for her I'm glad to say as I dont think the reality will live up to the fantasy. But that is my opinion. She still says she has the desire and feels the need for me to do what I want with her. (yes I know, lucky me!!!) and I will oblige being the gent that I am. I do make her wait though, mustn't give her too much pleasure too soon!!
However it is not that so much as I am fascinated by her knowing that she needed force, to be beaten and hurt to feel sexual fulfillment. In the experience of other subs, have you always known this or did the desire and need grow with nurturing?
| 21 Oct 11, 4:06 PM viragoangel UK(FY), 5 yrs |
From just a small child..4 or 5..i used to hurt myself constantly. Cut or scratch with scissors, knives(cutlery). Accidentally stab myself with forks and pencils. Parents thought i was hopelessly clumsy i suspect but just sighed. Got worse as i got older and loved rough sex once i had a partner. Used to relish in going out alone in the dark as i lived the apprehension of not knowing what might occur. All needs that i now recognise. Would never have occured to me that i was a massochist in so many ways as i'd never heard of BDSM or this stuff. Just thought i was strange...but knew i craved "intensity" to get sexual excitement. Having been in a couple of relationships, the latest(4 years) of which is pretty extreme in private i think i've always known that i wanted "more" than i had, but certainly not to the extent i do now. Hope that answers your question. jules.x |
| 23 Oct 11, 11:09 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
I hate these threads as everyone else always seems to have known forever and got on with it at an early age, so I feel I've missed out massively. On the upside, coming to it so late (aged 43) means it took me about 20 minutes to come to terms with it and think, "blimey, this is excellent and I want lots, lots, more." None of that sitting around worried that I was weird that seems to have been a problem for some. It is weird, but that amuses rather than bothers me. Still wish I'd found it earlier, though. Sigh. |
| 25 Oct 11, 1:31 PM Azrayel UK(MK), 4 yrs  |
I only realised that I wanted UV fairly recently, although I've had rape fantasies since I was a teenager, and I've known for a few years that being physically dominated did it for me. It's definitely something that I've nurtured and discovered in myself, with the help of some enlightening reading material. It sits well with my personality and although I've not gone that far in reality (i.e. not been punched or kicked yet), it does seem to 'fit'. I'm aggressive and self-destructive, so being able to fight back and yet accept the possibility of obliteration is a big turn on. Don't you just love goodbyes? |
| 25 Oct 11, 3:50 PM twilightsilence UK(ME), 16 mths |
I've realised over the last few months that my needs are getting darker and harsher. I certainly wouldn't have imagined being this way if you asked me a year ago, but as time has gone on, I'm finding the need is becoming almost consuming. I don't know how it will feel in reality yet but the desire to find out is getting stronger and stronger. I'm nowhere near as innocent as I look |
| 26 Oct 11, 7:54 AM x_tied_x UK(BN), 8 yrs |
I have known since around puberty, possibly a little before. When I was a child, I would masturbate by hurting my clit and pussy. When puberty hit, I had the most amazing boyfriend, but it was so boring, so I had a massive internal stuggle, as I knew I had a great boyfriend, but for reasons unbeknown to me, I was bored. Around 16 I started to look for destructive relationships, where they would treat me badly or just use me for sex. I then found out about BDSM online, and that was the light at the end of the tunnel and helped me realise I was not a complete oddball! I suppose my tastes have changed, as I have matured and my vanilla life has developed, and at the moment I am quite comfortable with my kink. There are three things that should only ever be said if you REALLY mean them; I love you, I hate you and I m sorry. |
| 27 Oct 11, 12:01 AM eloesa UK(SO), 7 yrs       |
I have a few recollections . When i was about thirteen, i had tied my hands to the bed head with green wool. Unfortunately, when my father came in to say goodnight, I hadn't heard him so I had to pull them quickly from their "bonds" breaking the wool. I stared at the marks the wool had left for a long time into the night.I just thought i was odd!
When I was 17 - i asked my then boyfriend to hit me around the face (just a slap) He finished with me that night saying i was weird... |
