This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Tue 18 Oct 11, 8:25 PM mia  UK(M), 4 yrs         |
In a relationship with elements of BDSM-slavery, TPE, ownership, etc, there can be a shift of focus from what was once important to someone, to something else entirely. The idea of putting someone else before you in terms of thoughts and actions becomes more natural over time and more easily done. In doing this, self and others can be put on a back shelf, or left on the list of priorities further down than the numeber 1 on there; your dominant. Therefore i wondered if anyone felt like they had lost something important like a religion or political affiliation? I wonder if this has happened either through a lack of need of it? Or through lack of time or access to it? Or through persuasion/discussion/explanation from your dominant? My personal experience of it is that i still have my faith i had from when i started (i wouldn't say i "had" a religion in the first place, although my faith is loosely framed by the Catholic Church fwiw) but that it is MUCH less important in my life. It's been a difficult thing to admit to myself, but my dedication to it and comfort from it comes after my dedication to and pleasure from my relationship to my dominant. So, i wondered if i was alone..? --- AUP request: This isn't a discussion on the wrongs and rights of religions/faiths in general, nor how intelligent/stupid/misguided you are because you do/don't believe in x y or z, this is a discussion on the loss or change of important belief systems and/or moral codes due to a D/s, M/s or O&P dynamic and relationship. x Quick Lynn, run, they're sex people | |
| 18 Oct 11, 8:33 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
You aren't alone. I'm in the process, I think, of losing my catholic faith, because that need to humble myself and serve and subjugate myself in my saviour, is so completely replaced by precisely those feelings for my Master. He has done what paedophile priest scandals couldn't. I am distraught about it, at times. Hope I will still have some remnant of faith left, when this process has worked itself out. I want to believe. I want to be hidden and sheltered deep in Christ's wounds, washed in water flowing from his side. I want eternity. I don't know if it can survive the transfer of all that emotion and need for humility to my Master, though. | |
| 18 Oct 11, 9:05 PM ToakReon UK(RH), 12 yrs |
People's lives change. The experiences, needs and aims of today not only alter our plans for the future but also our perception of the past. What was important can become less so, or more so, or differently so than it was before. As a powerful shaper of emotion and personal interaction BDSM's influences on the lives of those who practice it will be profound and, due to the complexity of human character and psychology, not entirely predictable - yet BDSM is not unique in this power and unpredictability. People fall in and out of love with other people - but they also fall in and out of love with religious faiths and political ideologies. Yes, BDSM might be part of that reason, but it's not going to be the whole reason. Human beings are far too complex creatures for their development to be "caused" by any single factor. *UPDATE* Model(s) for "how to" bondage photographs (and other bondage photographs) have now been found. Thank you to all who showed interest. | |
| 18 Oct 11, 9:14 PM Emmaline UK(B), 7 yrs £    |
I can honestly say that since becomming more into the Scene, and WIITWD, i have not l,ost my religion, so much so that i have recently had an ICTHUS tattooed on my wrist. My values and morals are very Xian, I don't see being poly as a contradiction to that, need to find a church near Man if i am going to be there regularly on sundays though! I don't see that the two are mutually exclusive, but i have had to censor myself on both sides, will not say in Church i have 2 partners, and generally don't discuss my religion with either of the MEn who are both athiests. We will discuss religion at both homes, but i know they will never "get it" and i would never force my relgion on them. x [pink] ...It seemed like a good idea at the time... | |
| 18 Oct 11, 9:20 PM lush_london UK(WC), 6 yrs |
I'm an atheist so have nothing to lose  However I am also very left wing, and I have had partners who have held very different political views to my own, but rather than losing part of me, I found that we had lots of interesting discussions and debates.
It's what I am used to as I grew up in a household where my dad was a communist and my mother was a Tory I guess within a D/s dynamic it might be more likely that the sub would alter or suppress their views and beliefs to be more acceptable to a Dominant partner, however I don't believe it is inevitable, and has the potential to create resentment. It's true when I am in a relationship, there is often less time available to pursue other interests, but you just have to prioritise and juggle! Edited 18 Oct 11, 9:22 PM by lush_london | |
| 18 Oct 11, 9:23 PM MisstressvsSolicedog UK(NN), 17 mths |
it's a funny old subject but if i were to place anything in the manner of a god in my life it is simply that god is 'life' and no more than that,, it's the word's of humans that have made 'god' a thinking being,, so within the context of bsdm and 'god' there is no conflict in term's of personal belief the nearest i could possibley place mine is within 'Nature' Paganism in that it is life and in that celabrate life ! Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish | |
| 18 Oct 11, 9:37 PM massado200 UK(LS), 8 yrs |
| |
| 18 Oct 11, 9:40 PM mia UK(M), 4 yrs |
This thread isn't either Back on topic... It's interesting reading the similarities and differences people feel about losing important beliefs and their D/s involvement. x Quick Lynn, run, they're sex people | |
| 18 Oct 11, 10:51 PM valiant1 UK(ST), 7 yrs |
Don't lose your religion, and leave bits laying around for other people to trip over later. Dispose of it tidily by reading some sensible stuff about atheism, and put it behind you, like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Think how many of the world's troubles today boil down to "My imaginary friend is better than your imaginary friend" (I nicked that line off Yasser Arafat). The world is much easier to understand once you stop resorting to mythical beings and supernatural forces to explain and justify stuff, and accept that it's all just down to people, natural forces and randomness. Personally, I've been much happier since I realised the non-existence of gods. (With apologies to those who still believe in Santa Claus). Gets ready to duck. WARNING: The above post may contain inaccuracies, irony or downright sarcasm.Not suitable for anyone allergic to nuts. | |
| 18 Oct 11, 10:59 PM syndeetoo UK(WC), 6 yrs |
I've not lost anything during the twenty years with H. I have changed tremendously, but my core belief systems (and practices) haven't changed. H's haven't either. I do mass, he doesn't get transubstantiation, same ole same ole. We respect each other's differences, that's part of why we work together so well. I have changed massively, in my fillosofee, in my interaction with the world, but I change constantly, always have. Sometimes I go round in complete circles. This long period of being with H hasn't stopped my growth, it's just underpinned it. I haven't left anything behind because I had nothing to leave, I started with baggage which is now gone, but not because of H, because of time. (Holy fug, that's enough self-analysis. Ed.)
Pour encourager les autres | |
| 18 Oct 11, 11:28 PM the_transformatrix 8 yrs |
I lost my Catholic faith long before becoming part of the scene. Whilst in church one day I recall the priest holding up the offering plate and reciting "We hope this offering is acceptable to you oh lord"....and I couldn't help but think......"Ummmm, so what if it's not...what's going to happen...church gonna burn down? money catch fire? Deep god voice coming up from the crypt announcing "get your wallets out you stingy people before I smite ye down"..." I've not lost my faith, but repositioned it, but I can't honestly say it's because of my involvement in BDSM. I think the foundations of the way that faith sets down core values in how to treat people remains a sound one and one that will almost certainly reamin a positive influence in my life. I just don't have my conversations with god on my knees in church! |
