This post is on the SM/Bondage/Fetish web board.
| 17 Oct 11, 9:03 AM foxgirl UK(LN), 22 mths  |
I liked having a think about this. For me (both as an s-type and more broadly in life), loyalty is about allegiance. You chose to whom you pledge yourself, what cause or code you accept as your own - and then you stay with it, you defend it from 'attack' and protect it from within right until the very end. Perhaps that's not the same for everyone (and it's true I've been described by closest friends as "loyal to the point of it becoming a flaw" and often feel like a tiny terrifying guard dog) but that's how it is for me. It's intrinsically linked with faithfulness, with being true to your obligations and not behaving dishonourably. In my relationship, loyalty means putting his decisions above my own and following that within the dynamic we've negotiated. In the situation the OP has now described, I don't think that's a question of loyalty per say. I think that's more to do with assuming you know where the boundaries are but not actually asking (and I know that if I ever do that, it's because there's a space around what he has said and clarifying would mean I lose being able to use that space to my advantage; "you may have some chocolate" does not define quantity or time, so I could have more or have some tomorrow yet I know that's not what was meant) and whilst I'm not suggesting you do as I would be tempted to, I think that inability to communicate confusion and seek clarity from your D type is as big a problem as being disloyal in your heart. We can't tell you whether your Mistress would mind you speaking with other dominant parties at events, but if you know it feels wrong inside then I'm certain you know the answer already. Edited 17 Oct 11, 9:52 AM by foxgirl | |||
| 17 Oct 11, 9:43 AM Gannicus UK(BN), 9 mths  |
I am fairly new to the scene and given the concepts of play partners and polyamorous relationships not to mention club play it is a bit difficult to generalise loyalty. Personally I am coming to the conclusion that I owe little loyalty (discretion is a different matter) to someone I have maybe just exchanged memos/emails perhaps just met with, except at being at the level of friends/pen pals. Even play partners it is pretty clear that that is not monogamous so loyalty really doesn't come into it. If at some point I negotiate a relationship with a domme then I would not expect that to disclude socialising, if it does then clearly we would have trust issues but overall keeping and making new friendships I feel makes you a more rounded person and is essential to your wellbeing and would probably make you a better sub in perhaps learning from your friends. | |||
| 17 Oct 11, 12:35 PM Tim_themerciless UK(N), 2 yrs  |
This is a bit of a rhetorical stance but: Why look in to your heart and soul - why not just do what you want? Don't reconcile stuff, just pursue your goals. If your domme demands loyalty - then don't get caught! If you find loyalty fun - then pursue that. When loyalty ceases to be in your interest - move on. If you want some kind of artificially constructed morality like 'I would never do x behind my dommes back', if that GENUINELY FEELS MORE COMFORTABLE THAN PRAGMATISM then be loyal/good/moral whatever. here endeth the todays rant | |||
| 17 Oct 11, 12:40 PM Cinnamon_Tart UK(S), 8 yrs |
Sleeping in the same bed with them, even after you've fed them a delicious meal which included Jerusalem artichokes. THAT'S loyalty...... Pleasure: quantified by plunge pools, and waterfalls. | |||
| 17 Oct 11, 5:21 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs      |
I like this - a lot. Zhe say's of me "my man - right or wrong": and that's always true in public even if, privately, disagreements can be discussed. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |||
| 17 Oct 11, 5:23 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs |
Whenever anyone asks you if you can be trusted, I suggest you point them to this post and let them draw their own conclusions. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) | |||
| 17 Oct 11, 6:16 PM Platinum UK(W), 9 yrs |
Plus
Question answered, next! P | |||
| 18 Oct 11, 7:01 AM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
I think this thread actually covers two things which are different, but which go hand-in-hand - one is honesty/trust, and the other is loyalty On honesty/trust, I agree with @The_Dark_Prince when he says
^^ although for me this is more about honesty/trust than loyalty On loyalty, I agree with @anarchyintheuk75
^^ follow your heart and tummy... if it feels wrong, it usually is!
^^ oh yes, very much this! I completely know where @foxgirl is coming from - on my profile I say "Loyalty is key for me - this may be old-fashioned, but that whole "stand by your man" thing, that's very me, because if he's my guy, he's worth fighting for and standing by." So yes, loyalty is about allegiance, faithfulness, being true to yourself and to your partner and your feelings for each other, acting honourably which includes not doing things where you would be embarassed or ashamed by your actions (or where your partner would be embarassed/ashamed) And agree with @foxgirl and @Belasarius that loyalty within a specific D/s context means being true to the specific D/s dynamic you have with your partner So to the OP... I think the person you should be speaking with is your Mistress... some of what you have written sounds a tad 'defensive', so I rather suspect you already know what her answer might be... There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me | |||
| 18 Oct 11, 12:26 PM Azrayel UK(MK), 4 yrs |
Loyal is maintaining allegience to someone according to the expectations and agreed limits of the relationship. Disloyal is betraying those expectations and limits. It differs from one couple/group to another.
Don't you just love goodbyes? |
