This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Thu 13 Oct 11, 12:11 AM AnitaPleezu UK(BN), 3 yrs   |
Is it unsubmissive to have sexual needs and vocalise these needs?...My submission is being called into question because I have vocalised some concerns outside of play..does the need for satisfaction make me less of a sub? Mine doesn't come first and that's how i expect and like it but still..... | |
| 13 Oct 11, 12:17 AM Sir_Anthony 8 yrs |
I don't know the dynamics so sorry if I get it wrong from just 5lines
as humans we have sexual needs its a primevil instint
so just because you are frustrated at your Dom for not realising that need does not make you lesser as a sub or a person its called " communicating" a vital vital nessesity in any relationship
from experience if a Dom blames a sub for being bad at being sub etc its like a child saying " it wasn't me" and having seen this scenio many times over many years bad Dom blame his/ her sub like a bad workman blames his tools Have Fun Be Safe Take Care | |
| 13 Oct 11, 12:19 AM Steven69 UK(B), 20 mths |
Get rid of the domme as you will need your sexual desire fulfilling and they can be chores in these as well its like rewards for being good s | |
| 13 Oct 11, 12:28 AM Little_Ric UK(CH), 8 mths |
Having needs and desires is surely natural for any human, if you didn't then you'd be a pretty one dimensional submissive surely?! And, for me, having such wants only lends more power to my Domme who relishes exercising her rights and powers over how, where, when and, of course, if I'll get what I desire. I'm sure most would agree, there are few things hotter than that! Edited 13 Oct 11, 12:33 AM by Little_Ric | |
| 13 Oct 11, 7:11 AM Graci_e UK, 5 yrs |
It doesnt make you bad i'd say it would make you bad if you didn't stand up and say hey this isnt working for me. Sire has always said He'd be angrier if i faked anything then if i was honest. (not that i've ever had to fake lol) but you get the jist | |
| 13 Oct 11, 8:28 AM Ms_Valentine UK, 9 yrs |
I think it depends upon what you agreed to submit to and give up control over. If your sexual needs were not part of what was given over, then you have every right to ensure they are met. If you did give up some control over your sexual needs and regret it now or think what you had meant was understood, then speak as equal human beings to resolve the issue. It is not nice to have your submissiveness questioned, and if it is just a misunderstanding or a natural part of sorting out who has the power to do what and when, then it should be negotiated in a calm and adult way. A Fine Norfolk Domme. Mistress of @paulss My PD blog at http://mistress-keene.blogspot.com/ | |
| 13 Oct 11, 8:55 AM idonna UK(SM), 21 mths |
I would say that questioning partners submissiveness/dominance levels is a sign of incompatibility between what each of you think your role is is he by any chance a newbie Dom? | |
| 13 Oct 11, 9:36 AM HarmCandy UK, 4 yrs |
No, it's not. HC 'Above, it isn't bright. Below, it isn't dark.' | |
| 13 Oct 11, 10:18 AM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
Submission can be expressed through accepting limitations on what are conventionally thought of as basic freedoms. Freedom of movement? Not if you're in bondage. Access to your own money? Very limited in some relationships. Freedom of speech? Not with a gag in. Permission to wank? Not in chastity control. Air to breathe? That's what breath play's for. Food to eat? Not if your diet is controlled.
But - as has been said - it's in a context of consent and mutual understanding and agreement of boundaries and hard limits. And I know how hard it is for some women to give up sexual pleasures even temporarily. (Or here's an alternative view. True submissives don't have needs; they only have desires and appetites. And a good Dom will realise his role is to help them overcome their desires and learn to accept frustration, lack of fulfilment, complete loss of autonomy and all basic human rights, pleasures and dignity ). "Wisdom begins in wonder” (Socrates) Edited 13 Oct 11, 10:22 AM by wonderer | |
| 13 Oct 11, 10:19 AM mia  UK(M), 4 yrs       |
It might in his eyes, which personally i would find hard to stomach, but it doesn't in most people's eyes. If it's important to him that you don't vocalise these particular wants/needs and it's important to you that you do, then you're probably not a good match. Perhaps you could have a discussion with him to find out how important it is to both of you and/or if it was just the way these concerns/requests/desires were expressed? Good luck with it, anyway. x Quick Lynn, run, they're sex people | |
| 13 Oct 11, 10:37 AM lush_london UK(WC), 6 yrs |
He sounds like he may be a little insecure, have you thought about that? Maybe he has problems in that area e.g. erectile dysfunction, and his way of dealing with it is to do what a lot of men do and be in denial about it, but putting the responsibility back onto you. Rather than asking for what you want, ask him why he doesn't want something? |
