This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| 9 Oct 11, 12:06 PM scotchmystery 15 mths |
For the most part we have been discussing heterosexual male dom/female sub which in my opion is the easiest to orchestrate. In summary Not all girls are submissive, but most are to some degree it's called being a woman. Not every willing slave/kinkster is logged into to IC, if you can accept this you are half way there. Playful slaps on her arse, holding her wrists and suggestive language will release clues. However, if you're a guy how the fuck you tell your wife/girlfriend you want to be submissive is completely beyond me. Good luck with that one and your odds of finding a dominate woman just got slashed massively. Self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature | |
| 9 Oct 11, 12:40 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs  |
It's not as hopeless as that. A good few women do want to dominate. Also if you end up with a wife and you're sub without saying to her then probably she was attracted to that quality in you anyway. I am always naturally attracted to men who seem dominant. You can almost sense it sometimes. I am not saying I am always right but I can often get a hint of it. | |
| 9 Oct 11, 1:45 PM malemousecaptured UK, 2 yrs |
yes,most has been said,many women do have fantases about being dominant,best way forward is is picking your moment,say in fun I have be a bad boy,need dealing with etc,she might respond but if not be careful not to push it,as a sub and single I hope to find someone on here who is into the same so there is no problem,saying to your partner you need a good slap might work but more likely to slap your face and boot you staight out! | |
| 9 Oct 11, 7:08 PM skadii UK(W), 5 yrs  |
Suggestive language like "I really like it when you're on top {or when you grab my hair or when you scratch my back or whatever} while we're having sex. Do you think we could try that harder / longer / deeper?" If you get a thumbs up, take it from there. "Playfully" slapping a woman or restraining her on the basis that "most" women are submissive - whoooooo, on a site called informed CONSENT you might wanna reconsider that. I might be submissive CONSENSUALLY but if someone did that to me early in a relationship without consent and without considering that it might freak the fuck out of me (cos, you know, women do sometimes find the psychopath who will attack them on a date) this could lead directly to a nonconsensual encounter with police custody for the person who did it. It's not easy to disclose that you are submissive / bottom - like Ollie I have had two girls walk away in disgust, which made me feel shit about myself. But disclosing it verbally is probably a whole sight safer and easier than just getting in there with slaps or restraints and hoping for the best! | |
| 9 Oct 11, 7:27 PM subrugbylad UK(M), 6 yrs |
I have tried in every relationship I have been in, as never hide my submissive nature. Usually I am open and honest from the start now, but when I was younger I usually opened up when chatting about fantasies etc. You can usually gauge how open your partner is by joking around, name calling ie naughty girl, yes mistress (when asked to do something) etc. I dont just look for someone via my kink, but also do not hide my subby side either, so I tend to tell them within the first couple of dates before it gets really serious! "insert witty comment here, i cant think of one" | |
| 9 Oct 11, 7:30 PM Gentle_Medusa UK, 20 mths |
I can say that letting the other half accidentally find a major kink item like say.... an ass hook, is quite good for opening dialogue. | |
| 9 Oct 11, 7:41 PM chrisp UK(E), 6 yrs |
But would they know what it is? | |
| 9 Oct 11, 7:45 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
That's an interesting point. If I were walking down the street with someone I was getting to know and he gave me a playful slap on the bottom I don't think that's out of order but then may be I just forget what is normal because I'm submissive and I certainly wouldn't object. A lot of vanilla women don't mind the odd spank. Or in bed holding down her hands you can surely try that and judge at the time if she is clearly protesting or if she looks pleased and smiles saying - I'm completely helpless now. I agree you have to be careful though. I think the wikileaks man is in trouble over being a bit rougher (and the alleged other things) without consent.
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| 10 Oct 11, 11:06 PM fredhatt UK(N), 3 yrs |
Are you saying that all girls are basically kinky? | |
| 12 Oct 11, 2:49 AM Smitten_Kitten US, 21 mths |
Slowly. I mention it at some point, a playful FYI, among other things about myself I like to put out about the same time. If someone's game, I/we can ease more into it. If someone's not, but fine with me otherwise I'd probably just take it slower and then try again later when they feel more comfortable. If they weren't at all, it would eventually be a deal breaker for me. |
