Dread (22)

In the lead up to (D/s) play, I nearly always feel nervous to the point of nausea. I often look terrified (mainly because I am!).

During play, I am pretty much constantly disliking what is going on. This generally gets to a point where, if I'm in a relationship with the person I'm playing with, I start deciding the words I will say when I split up with them (although I very rarely consider using my safeword - if I can ever remember it!). Alternatively, I think of things I can say or do to make it stop (eg: one day I thought about faking an epileptic fit)...

However, it can then get to a point where it becomes out-of-this-world-hot. This is what keeps me going back for more. I think; I've never experienced a session without the dread first.

Do other people experience the dread/terror/I'd give my right arm for this to stop(even though I'm right handed)? If so, when (if ever) does it start feeling better? Do you like the feeling? Does it change in long-term relationships?

Also, do doms experience a similar thing, where they are nervous before it gets to the really hot bit?

Apologies for the rambling incoherence, but hopefully some interesting insights will be posted!

A.

i know that most of us will say if we are truthfull that the Dom Domme or sub slave isnt all that they would want in the way they want it,, even that day or hour

how many of us talk about pushing limit's and find that those can be pushed by one Dom/Domme but not by another although the play seems or looks the same the subtle differences between personalities is quite in truth large,

hence the fear to feeling sick could be because your not haveing the right preplay

Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish

On a side note, I'm impressed by what you have posted about yourself as it is exactly the type of thoughts and feelings I would hope to initiate in any unfortunate girl I should get my hands on.

^^^ This. If you didn't get the dread, would you really get into the right headspace? From the things I've read and the things I know, my lovely, it would seem that you would struggle to get to where you want to be without it, or at least question it. What I mean is, if you ever DID start heading to the right headspace without it, you would question where the dread was and lose the spaceyness.

Using milkshake to bring all the boys to my yard since 1972

I think that this is just the way I experience play, because there often isn't a way to warm me up that would fit with the horrific/hot bit of it.

As a few people noted, this quite possibly is what is needed to get to the hot bit

The idea of conditioning.is interesting, but I'm still nowhere near through the list of awful things I want to try, but maybe I should see how I feel before something I know will be tame (possibly bored, lol)

Does anyone have any thoughts on their own pre-play experiences?

A.

For all my love of pain i hate yet adore the stomach churning feeling almost to the point of puking, the sudden sweats, the loss of voice (yes I tend to go quiet) the 2shall I just walk out and do a runner" I'm not from here and they don't really know me.

I'm very vocal and animated during play, I'm a fighter and I show my turmoil of pain & pleasure visually and vocally, Whore, Cunt, Slag are just a few of the names that have popped out and Ive even spat in a few faces.

Its all just ways of me accepting and dealing with the pain until I hit the heights of pleasure.

You made me laugh with the "I even work out what ill say to them when we split" lol that's fucking class.

That's the thing with pleasure and pain you have to go through the pain before you get the pleasure its amazing.

lol cant wait to read other stories

Edited to add: For me anyway I hope it never gets to the point that the feeling you describe disappears as its 90% essential to my full sexual pleasure without the Fear its just hitting me.

"No dream is to big, the sky is the limit" N.B.I.G

Edited 4 Oct 11, 6:21 PM by OllieVW

Conditioning is all very well and yeah youll get used to things and intensities, but as soon as you think your in that comfort zone the cunt behind the wheel will change the goal posts and youll be back to square one lol

Just roll with it @inappropriate, Would you enjoy sex if it was the same everytime.....................

"No dream is to big, the sky is the limit" N.B.I.G

"the purpose of life is to live creatively, love and be kind" Anne Rice "Ah but it's being creative in how you do that thats fun. And sometimes you have to be quite firm" JV

I still get nervous. The level and intensity varies, but there have been occasions where I've barely been able to look @Felix_Culpa in the eye before playing (and it's not through any sort of submissive rite-o'-passage of act of obedience; it's simply because I don't want to see the look on his face).

I'm masochistic, but I don't enjoy pain immediately. There have been times when I actually hate the pain, am angry at him for inflicting it, and even angrier at his obvious enjoyment. But then my sense of "silly girl, these are the exact reasons you're with him" kicks in which I suppose is the equivalent of your "well, this is a bit hot".

I must admit, it never goes so far as planning my "it's not you, it's me" speech; but it does sometimes get to slight self-pity. This is awful, why me, this is so mean category.

But yeah. I get The Dread, and The Fear. I'd like to say it lessens over time, but there are still moments when I'm convinced I've actually shacked up with a Serbian warlord.

"The less said about life's sores, the better."
- Oscar Wilde.

It's harder when H enters into a vocal dialogue, when he wants me to respond vocally, but usually he just cracks on with it. I'm not allowed to breathe through anything, if he catches me breathing to cope with it he'll just thunder into me. I can't make a noise, so I've just learnt to do it this way. So usually I'm in the moment, especially when being caned/beaten with an acrylic rod/ struck with sharp things. I empty my head, (not hard to do) and just be in the moment, entirely, almost throughout.

And then if I'm lucky my body will just switch on and do the 'beat me beat me jelly brain' thing. And then we have Big Fun.

Pour encourager les autres