Sun 2 Oct 11, 8:05 PM
etty_face
UK(S), 4 yrs
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One thing that has really been getting to me lately is the lack of I respect people appear to have for unique individual relationships. There are no written rules outlining exactly how a BDSM relationship should be. A submissive doesn't have to like pain, a Dominant doesn't need to be a Sadist. You don't have to have a high pain tolerance, attend munches, administer punishments, be an expert at rope skills. I am sick and tired of being told how I should be. I am not a pain slut, a rope bunny, a slave but I do relate to being submissive and I love to please.
But most importantly our relationship works despite people judging us and telling us that it shouldn't.
Do other people ever feel unfairly judged?
Edited Sun 2 Oct 11, 8:22 PM by etty_face
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2 Oct 11, 8:19 PM
valleyrose17
UK(BS), 2 yrs
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I think most of us do from time to time but then I think thats inevitable because most of us judge others unfairly from time to time. "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid" Albert Einstein
"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall in love with a gorgeous redhead" - Lucille Ball
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2 Oct 11, 8:21 PM
Brindle
UK(HD), 8 yrs
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etty_face wrote:
Don't be judgemental
One thing that has really been getting to me lately is the lack of I rerespect people appear to have for unique individual relationships. There are no written rules outlining exactly how a BDSM relationship should be. A submissive doesn't have to like pain, a Dominant doesn't need to be a Sadist. You don't have to have a high pain tolerance, attend munches, administer punishments, be an expert at rope skills. I am sick and tired of being told how I should be. I am not a pain slut, a rope bunny, a slave but I do relate to being submissive and I love to please.
But most importantly our relationship works despite people judging us and telling us that it shouldn't.
Do other people ever feel unfairly judged?
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Yes.
Continually, but from the other side of the fence.
I am dominant but do not always have the physical capacity to exert extreme control or be able to indulge in sessions which affect my physical stamina. I have chronic pain and CFS, which can create many variables in my mood and physicality, so plans, fantasies and wishes and dreams... well, they don't always pan out.
However there are other compensations! I am known to be quite creative 
But I can't abide those who tell others how a relationship should be lived, or how, or to what criteria
Tolerance to pain is highly individualistic, often deeply related to context and environment, as well as potentially deeply ingrained emotional and cultural responses. To attempt to experience ANY pain from a viewpoint contrary to my own (as in Dominat doing the whole "I must experience the sub thing) seems to me to be deeply pointless tbh.
No-one else can quanitify my experience
---------§-�----------
"How can I tell that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensation and my state of mind?" - Douglas Adams, (1952 - 2001)
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2 Oct 11, 8:23 PM
etty_face
UK(S), 4 yrs
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Brindle wrote:
etty_face wrote:
Don't be judgemental
One thing that has really been getting to me lately is the lack of I rerespect people appear to have for unique individual relationships. There are no written rules outlining exactly how a BDSM relationship should be. A submissive doesn't have to like pain, a Dominant doesn't need to be a Sadist. You don't have to have a high pain tolerance, attend munches, administer punishments, be an expert at rope skills. I am sick and tired of being told how I should be. I am not a pain slut, a rope bunny, a slave but I do relate to being submissive and I love to please.
But most importantly our relationship works despite people judging us and telling us that it shouldn't.
Do other people ever feel unfairly judged?
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Yes.
Continually, but from the other side of the fence.
I am dominant but do not always have the physical capacity to exert extreme control or be able to indulge in sessions which affect my physical stamina. I have chronic pain and CFS, which can create many variables in my mood and physicality, so plans, fantasies and wishes and dreams... well, they don't always pan out.
However there are other compensations! I am known to be quite creative
But I can't abide those who tell others how a relationship should be lived, or how, or to what criteria
Tolerance to pain is highly individualistic, often deeply related to context and environment, as well as potentially deeply ingrained emotional and cultural responses. To attempt to experience ANY pain from a viewpoint contrary to my own (as in Dominat doing the whole "I must experience the sub thing) seems to me to be deeply pointless tbh.
No-one else can quanitify my experience
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AMEN! *Doffs her cap* |
2 Oct 11, 8:30 PM
MisstressvsSolicedog
UK(NN), 17 mths
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Brindle wrote:
etty_face wrote:
Don't be judgemental
One thing that has really been getting to me lately is the lack of I rerespect people appear to have for unique individual relationships. There are no written rules outlining exactly how a BDSM relationship should be. A submissive doesn't have to like pain, a Dominant doesn't need to be a Sadist. You don't have to have a high pain tolerance, attend munches, administer punishments, be an expert at rope skills. I am sick and tired of being told how I should be. I am not a pain slut, a rope bunny, a slave but I do relate to being submissive and I love to please.
But most importantly our relationship works despite people judging us and telling us that it shouldn't.
Do other people ever feel unfairly judged?
|
Yes.
Continually, but from the other side of the fence.
I am dominant but do not always have the physical capacity to exert extreme control or be able to indulge in sessions which affect my physical stamina. I have chronic pain and CFS, which can create many variables in my mood and physicality, so plans, fantasies and wishes and dreams... well, they don't always pan out.
However there are other compensations! I am known to be quite creative
But I can't abide those who tell others how a relationship should be lived, or how, or to what criteria
Tolerance to pain is highly individualistic, often deeply related to context and environment, as well as potentially deeply ingrained emotional and cultural responses. To attempt to experience ANY pain from a viewpoint contrary to my own (as in Dominat doing the whole "I must experience the sub thing) seems to me to be deeply pointless tbh.
No-one else can quanitify my experience
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i can totally understand where your coming from as a cronic pain sufferer myself,,
there is so much we would like to do but haveing the health time and space is a 'real pain' oops
but i find as many people do they judge one by what the think a relationship should be an criticise if what they see is'nt thier idealised version of it,,
Admitadly im a dirty bugger theres little i wont do within the BDSM spere but getting through the barriers of movement arms legs etc going dead and that can be a nightmare lol
so when some twit say's OOh don't take that from him and you should do this ,, frankly they can go bugger em selves with a marrow as far as we are concerned
Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish
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2 Oct 11, 8:38 PM
Incandescence
UK, 3 yrs
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I don't think I really feel I'm being judged (I probably wouldn't care much if I was) but I feel that sometimes, people just don't get that there are as many different ways to do WIITWD as there are ways to eat a Cream Egg!
There is no right or wrong. People should feel that it's ok to do whatever works for them and makes them feel good without constantly having to wonder if they're getting it right. The only thing that should count is that it works and feels right for you and whoever you happen to be doing it with ... and that it makes you both happy.
The sooner people realise this the better. In the beginning god created man ... that was his first mistake ... everybody knows the lady should always come first
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices ~ Mark Twaine
Edited 2 Oct 11, 8:39 PM by Incandescence
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2 Oct 11, 8:53 PM
tanken
UK(NR), 2 yrs
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etty_face wrote:
Don't be judgemental
One thing that has really been getting to me lately is the lack of I respect people appear to have for unique individual relationships. There are no written rules outlining exactly how a BDSM relationship should be. A submissive doesn't have to like pain, a Dominant doesn't need to be a Sadist. You don't have to have a high pain tolerance, attend munches, administer punishments, be an expert at rope skills. I am sick and tired of being told how I should be. I am not a pain slut, a rope bunny, a slave but I do relate to being submissive and I love to please.
But most importantly our relationship works despite people judging us and telling us that it shouldn't.
Do other people ever feel unfairly judged?
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Well, you will always get a 'majority opinion' even amongst a minority subculture. The thing is just sometimes to accept being a 'minority within a minority' which is what some of us are.
Happiness is a warm bum 
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2 Oct 11, 10:04 PM
syndeetoo
UK(WC), 6 yrs
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etty_face wrote:
But most importantly our relationship works despite people judging us and telling us that it shouldn't.
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If anyone told me that my relationship shouldn't work, unless they knew both of us really well and said that in a genuinely puzzled way, I'd tell them to go fug themselves. Honestly. Why bother being polite to people who talk through their arse?
Pour encourager les autres
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2 Oct 11, 10:13 PM
misunderstoodslave
UK(OL), 2 yrs |
misstressvsdog wrote:
...frankly they can go bugger em selves with a marrow as far as we are concerned
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You see, this is precisely the kind of prescriptive judgmental attitude that has to be expunged from IC. Why do I have to bugger myself with a marrow just because you say so? Why is marrow-buggering (actually that sounds like giving a marrow one up the jacksie which isn't the point) the definition of a proper bdsmer?
Oh, ok then. I'm nothing if not obedient.
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2 Oct 11, 10:24 PM
DaddyDom47
10 mths
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I was quite disappointed when I told someone I knew about my new relationship, which for reasons of distance will have to be online for a while, and was told "Oh I cant stand all that online crap myself" or words to that effect...
Haven't spoken to them since. To fall is not to fail, Failure isn't about falling down, Failure is staying down.
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2 Oct 11, 10:35 PM
Juantastic
UK(CH), 22 mths
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etty_face wrote:
Don't be judgemental
One thing that has really been getting to me lately is the lack of I respect people appear to have for unique individual relationships. There are no written rules outlining exactly how a BDSM relationship should be. A submissive doesn't have to like pain, a Dominant doesn't need to be a Sadist. You don't have to have a high pain tolerance, attend munches, administer punishments, be an expert at rope skills. I am sick and tired of being told how I should be. I am not a pain slut, a rope bunny, a slave but I do relate to being submissive and I love to please.
But most importantly our relationship works despite people judging us and telling us that it shouldn't.
Do other people ever feel unfairly judged? |
This is a very common human failing, and is far from specific to the BDSM world.
The trouble with some people is that they can't see outside of their own mindset. They feel that the whole world should be in synch with their desires and ideals, and that anyone who isn't is somehow flawed. You won't just find them telling you that you need to be sadistic to be dominant or masochistic to be submissive. They'll also be telling you that you shouldn't enjoy camping, ride a motorcycle or subscribe to Sky TV when there's plenty to watch on freeview.
Nuts to them. You'll never change them.
Edited 2 Oct 11, 10:36 PM by Juantastic
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