Trying to decide ,my classification (21)

While i agree with those who have given the "wait and see" advice to me, that is all appreciated and very well but it is trying to figure out a litle bit more of who i am and more to the point who I am NOT that is the problem. I mean there are some things that I have heard of that I don't know if i fit into or not. and other things i have talked to others about that also holds the same questions. I suppose I am trying to figure out just which areas what I DO know fits into so I can explore them further without making someone else thoroughly miserable while I figure it out at the expense of their time.

You're amazing, yes it's true. But without me, you're only you.

I refer the honorable member to the answer I gave in the other thread.

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/315361/2

Cyber shouting - it just oozes dominance and control #

c xx

Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine.
There ain't no answer. There ain't gonna be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the answer.

Is a kink relationship *really* that different?

People first, kink second.

The one who claims to be innocent

You're either

a) a dominant who talks the talk and errrrrrrrrrrr

b)

which I assume you can guess.

helpfully

synd

Pour encourager les autres

But you know.....if the connection is right there is no making someone miserable while you figure it out at the expense of their time. They explore it with you and are happy doing it - together. Just because you are dominant doesn't mean you know and have experienced everything. A lot of it iS about exploring things together - otherwise you will never know what you are into and what you aren't. Because a lot of things are NOT the way they play out in your head and you learn you like them better, or less. You can't know for sure until you do it (some things, anyway. Some you might know you aren't into, but ykwim).

@Play_Space - First Birthday Bash THIS FRIDAY -http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/306786/4/... Road Trip to the Sea!!! Next tentatively planned in October.....Just elapsed...More info here:http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/305429/0/...

An interestingly radical idea, but dominance is about nothing if not saying that you did it your way. And that the bitch did so as well.

Do you have a leather waistcoat yet?

Cheese.

When you go to an event, people aren't wearing badges that say "daddy dom" or "sadist" or whatever. At most events you don't even know from looking if someone is dom or sub. But there's a magical thing called conversation...

It bothers me, you see, this need to define down to the last detail. It's hard enough to find someone that you like as a person and who is the opposite orientation to you. But if they need to be an exact match to your exact definition of yourself, then you're on to a no-hoper.

What if, after all the months of introspection, we are right and your theoretical definition of yourself turns out not to be entirely accurate in reality? If you have then billed yourself as definitely an Uber Sensual Strict Uncle Dom and found a sub that fitted with that, how will you and she feel when you find out that actually you prefer to be a Gentleman Sadist Dom?

It is not the arriving, but the journey. All the thinking and defining in the world won't answer your questions once and for all. I can play a flight simulator all I like, but I still can't fly a real plane.

The one who claims to be innocent

Edited 30 Sep 11, 12:22 AM by carenza_lionheart

Trouble with this method of contacting people is… as you're in a sexual minority, you may have spent a lot of your life being sexually frustrated, which makes it hard to view things/people objectively when you're all fired up with excitement that you may finally get the relationship you've always dreamed about. This inevitably leads to a lot of mistakes, and hurt further down the line.

It's possible to see someone as your dream who is actually totally unsuitable. I myself got involved with someone a while ago whom I convinced myself was the love of my life, but was/is actually quite deranged. The sad thing is that I'd known her for a couple of years before we got together, and in my heart I KNEW this – yet, when the sexual/BDSM dynamic kicked in, my brain went out the window, and I ended up very attached to someone who was more or less insane. When the end inevitably came, it took me quite a while to get over it – sometimes the very vulnerability of someone who's all screwed up can be very appealing to we dominant types!

Anyway, my (long-winded) point was intended to be that getting the right PERSON is so much more important than getting the right Dom (or sub). I find that people who have the right "vanilla" feelings for each other are usually capable of adjusting what they like to “do” in a BDSM context to each other's needs – and all relationships have to be worked on, and contain compromise. With the right person, this is possible.

With the wrong person, it is NEVER possible long term, though the initial flush of joy at being able to finally do what you've always wanted to do with someone who obviously enjoys it as much as you do can create the temporary illusion that you've found what you've always wanted…

^^^^^^^^^ This! ^^^^^^^^^

In my current relationship there are things which each of us has brought a desire to explore which was not of so much interest to the other (and it's not a first BDSM relationship for either of us) but we both also have a willingness to give it a go and to try something that excites the other. Generally we have both found things that we thought weren't of particular interest to be exciting and fulfilling parts of our play. Yet I may not want to do them in another relationship in future.

If you're talking about a relationship rather than casual play, each is different and the dynamics play out differently - and you may explore different parts of yourself. I know that I have been different in every relationship I have had and I am sure the same has been true of my partners - because a relationship is about the way two people combine together rather than simply about one person and their desires.

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates