Training or Breaking? (98)

jessica

I was broken by a Master - I used to be a Domme and was 'flipped' or broken to be a slave. It was the most terrifying and exilarating experience. I am very glad it was done. It felt like he broke through all the layers of defences and protection and freed my soul. Like breaking a jar to let the genie out!

This thread has an Equestrian feel........i think which puts it into a different context !

Edited 4 Oct 11, 6:00 PM by beachdom

I realise this isn't for everyone and may to some seem quite sinister, it takes all sorts though folks.

Training and breaking carry different connotations for me, personally, and I see them as being very different from one another.

Training is about making a person/sub better; for themselves and for the Dominant. It entails all the things the OP mentioned; punishment and reward, rules and rituals etc. It's a way to help support, shape and mould someone to be better. This can be physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually and more.

Breaking is, in my perception, rather harmful. It is doing negative things to wear someone down, destroy their self-esteem and self-belief and break them down into a mess. This can then lead to someone being slowly re-built or left that way.

I think in some D/s relationships, the Dominant party will train their submissive (or non-submissive partner as the case may be!) to be better in order to serve the Dom/me better.

Breaking them is not so good.

This is just my personal opinion.

I feel I am currently being trained by my partner because I am not very submissive. I have struggled for a long time with defining myself on the scene; a masochist, bottom or submissive? I always felt like I was lying when I called myself a sub but I wanted to be one/call myself one.

I am a stubborn, strong-willed person. This conflicts with being submissive. But I love to serve Him and make Him happy. I love the little tasks, the little obediences and the big things too.

I feel that since being together I have grown, changed, developed and gotten better. I am also aware I have a long way to go. And I know that a lot of it isn't natural for me.

Hence....training not breaking.

Goldie

Edited 4 Oct 11, 6:52 PM by Goldilocks

That is beautiful Flowerbelle. After all the negativity, it's great to hear a positive and real experience of breaking.

Again, a fantastic and brave response to what so many find a challenging question.

To me training vs breaking is as was described in the initial post. For two years I have been with a man who longs to be broken (in every sense of the word), and he is not insane, mentally or emotionally unstable, or has deep rooted issues he needs to deal with. He just really likes the idea of being broken and re-built. I chose the term "man", not "sub", since there is nothing submissive about him otherwise, his submission would only be the result of the breaking.

This sort of thing appeals to me. Not for the reasons some have mentioned (narcissism etc), but because I love the complexity of this, the profound emotional involvement, the responsibility and control, the "real" feeling of it, and the fact that I could do this only to someone I love and trust completely.

It is not about erasing the person who he is now, it is about letting out the person who he wants to be.

There is no option of "not being able to re-build him". How do I know this? Breaking goes hand in hand with re-building in these sort of cases, it's a feeling we are both aware of, and unless you have it, it's impossible to describe. It's like describing D/s to a very vanilla person.

However, I am not naive or full of false expectations: I can't break him yet, breaking is very difficult, it takes the right kind of circumstances, and it's not something one does while trying to live a completely normal every day vanilla existence as well. It's a long term goal for us, we are not yet sure how we can accomplish this, however, it's a fascinating topic for those interested, and something that is always on our minds.

I agree with this, mostly. It's a process of creative destruction, you don't destroy aspects of the person leaving a void, the old is displaced by the new. What are really broken are barriers that stand between you and your will. Need is created, a need for approval, for affirmation of progress. It is in many ways like training but is not based on learning or ritual, although ritual can be used - it is emotional. It is driven by desire.

Where I disagree is that it can't be done alongside a vanilla existence. Yes, it is true that a total situation can never be reached but that is true of all things in life. We are all of us constrained by our material and social conditions, we exist in the spaces in between.

Still behaviour can be modified (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavior_Modificati... though I will have to look into this a bit more ASAP as it is something I am interested in

xx